Sunday, October 28, 2007
Two years gone
Last week, as the anniversary approached, many people expressed concern for me. Throughout the week people would ask if I was OK and I'd reply that I was fine, or that it wasn't a big deal. As I was leaving work that Friday I had a similar conversation with one of my supervisors. Her reply was that it was a big deal and that she was glad I was taking the weekend off. I gave her a hug and got in the car to go home.
On the way home I realized that, over the course of the week, I'd actually been thinking about the accident a lot more than usual. On the brightside, I wasn't wasting time dwelling on whether I had tried to get out of the jeep, or if there was something I could have done to change the outcome. However, I must admit that I've wasted some time wishing that I had tossed my CD collection out of the jeep before it went up in flames. Aside from that small detail I wasn't really thinking about the accident istelf. I had allowed my mind to wander down a very different path that I generally try to stay away from.
I had been thinking about my life, and what it might be like now, had the accident not happened. I try not to think about this because it's really pointless. I've accepted my life as it is but, as the anniversary approached, without realizing it, I allowed my mind to go down this path. I found myself wondering about where I would be now if life had continued in the direction it was going before October 22nd of 2005.
My new job was going well. My General Managers plan was to work with me so that I could take over as GM when he moved on. As you know, he recently took a promotion. I'm glad that I didn't get the job, because it is extremely stressful and demands more time than I'm really able to give it. However, if I hadn't lost that year and a half of experience I would have been ready to step into the GM role without it requiring an adjustment to my life style.
I was looking for a house closer to Greencastle, where I work, that would have a lot of land, or maybe something rustic in the woods. I wouldn't have to worry about an hour drive to get to work or home. Now, with everything that I have to do in Indianapolis, it just doesn't make since for me to move. Unfortunately that leaves me stuck with the long drive twice a day.
I was single then, as I am now, but I was dating and had a much more active social life. Had the accident not happened, would I now be in a relationship? Possibly even working on a family?
How would I have spent my three weeks of vacation each year? Would I have gotten back to backpacking? Gone on more ski trips with my friends from college? I might have even had a chance to travel to Europe.
I don't let these thoughts get me down. It's not about slipping into depression. But there is a melancholy feeling that comes over me when I think of those two years gone. However, as I said, I have accepted my life as it is. My focus is still to move forward with my life day by day and not to spend it looking back. Though those two years are gone, I have many more to look forward to.
On the way home I realized that, over the course of the week, I'd actually been thinking about the accident a lot more than usual. On the brightside, I wasn't wasting time dwelling on whether I had tried to get out of the jeep, or if there was something I could have done to change the outcome. However, I must admit that I've wasted some time wishing that I had tossed my CD collection out of the jeep before it went up in flames. Aside from that small detail I wasn't really thinking about the accident istelf. I had allowed my mind to wander down a very different path that I generally try to stay away from.
I had been thinking about my life, and what it might be like now, had the accident not happened. I try not to think about this because it's really pointless. I've accepted my life as it is but, as the anniversary approached, without realizing it, I allowed my mind to go down this path. I found myself wondering about where I would be now if life had continued in the direction it was going before October 22nd of 2005.
My new job was going well. My General Managers plan was to work with me so that I could take over as GM when he moved on. As you know, he recently took a promotion. I'm glad that I didn't get the job, because it is extremely stressful and demands more time than I'm really able to give it. However, if I hadn't lost that year and a half of experience I would have been ready to step into the GM role without it requiring an adjustment to my life style.
I was looking for a house closer to Greencastle, where I work, that would have a lot of land, or maybe something rustic in the woods. I wouldn't have to worry about an hour drive to get to work or home. Now, with everything that I have to do in Indianapolis, it just doesn't make since for me to move. Unfortunately that leaves me stuck with the long drive twice a day.
I was single then, as I am now, but I was dating and had a much more active social life. Had the accident not happened, would I now be in a relationship? Possibly even working on a family?
How would I have spent my three weeks of vacation each year? Would I have gotten back to backpacking? Gone on more ski trips with my friends from college? I might have even had a chance to travel to Europe.
I don't let these thoughts get me down. It's not about slipping into depression. But there is a melancholy feeling that comes over me when I think of those two years gone. However, as I said, I have accepted my life as it is. My focus is still to move forward with my life day by day and not to spend it looking back. Though those two years are gone, I have many more to look forward to.
# posted by Jeremy @ 5:18 PM 
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Jeremy-
I think it's natural that you have those thoughts, and I understand how you don't like to let your mind wander down "what if" and "why me" lane. I have done that over the years with having Anna...but it never changes my, or her, situation....it just makes it harder to cope. There are still hard days....and there probably always will be, but it's all of the many, many days inbetween that inspire everyone! In those difficult times, though, let your close friends and family be just that.....the people who you can lean on to get you through. We are so blessed for having you in our lives!
Heather
I think it's natural that you have those thoughts, and I understand how you don't like to let your mind wander down "what if" and "why me" lane. I have done that over the years with having Anna...but it never changes my, or her, situation....it just makes it harder to cope. There are still hard days....and there probably always will be, but it's all of the many, many days inbetween that inspire everyone! In those difficult times, though, let your close friends and family be just that.....the people who you can lean on to get you through. We are so blessed for having you in our lives!
Heather
# posted by 
: 7:27 PM
: 7:27 PM
You know Jeremy-life is full of "what ifs" for all of us. I go through the "what ifs" frequently as I'm sure you understand. I thought my life would be much different by now-but that doesn't necessarily mean that life would have been better if things had gone according to my original plan. You just have to make the best of what you've got.
Turn it around-what if all of those people hadn't been traveling on that road that night? What if they hadn't been able to track me down for consent for needed surgery? What if Anya and Steve hadn't been able to come stay with Madeline so that I could get to you? Life has a funny way of making the puzzle pieces fit-even if we aren't sure what the big picture is supposed to be.
I get myself in the doldrums sometimes-and that's OK, you can too. Just don't get stuck there! We are just glad that you're here. :)
Love you!
Turn it around-what if all of those people hadn't been traveling on that road that night? What if they hadn't been able to track me down for consent for needed surgery? What if Anya and Steve hadn't been able to come stay with Madeline so that I could get to you? Life has a funny way of making the puzzle pieces fit-even if we aren't sure what the big picture is supposed to be.
I get myself in the doldrums sometimes-and that's OK, you can too. Just don't get stuck there! We are just glad that you're here. :)
Love you!
# posted by : 8:09 PM
: 8:09 PM
It's interesting, I was just given some information that, had I had it when I was 18, surely would have changed the course of my life.
Don't get me wrong, information is not the same as an accident by any means, but it still gave me a jolt to wonder: what would have happened if I had known this then?
Of course, looking at what I have now I would never go back and do it any differently. In fact, it's almost 100% certain I would not be where I am now if I'd had this bit of info.
There have been several "forks" in my life where I didn't really have a choice, but the path I thought I was on veered. The death of my father when I was 9, a divorce at 18, my sisters' death when she was only 21...things I never anticpated or welcomed.
Sometimes we are forced to shift our view of reality or lose our sanity. I shifted, you shifted...and we moved on with our new reality.
Personally,I think it's good to ponder every so often, gives me a nice appreciation for what I have received, instead of what I've given up.
Love ya.
Don't get me wrong, information is not the same as an accident by any means, but it still gave me a jolt to wonder: what would have happened if I had known this then?
Of course, looking at what I have now I would never go back and do it any differently. In fact, it's almost 100% certain I would not be where I am now if I'd had this bit of info.
There have been several "forks" in my life where I didn't really have a choice, but the path I thought I was on veered. The death of my father when I was 9, a divorce at 18, my sisters' death when she was only 21...things I never anticpated or welcomed.
Sometimes we are forced to shift our view of reality or lose our sanity. I shifted, you shifted...and we moved on with our new reality.
Personally,I think it's good to ponder every so often, gives me a nice appreciation for what I have received, instead of what I've given up.
Love ya.
Jeremy;
I can do all things through him that strengthen me....he who gives me the very breath I breathe every day. He who loves me for who I am and not what I want to be, he who gave his only begotten son so that I may live a life full of freedom and choices. He who allows me to love, laugh, cry and live!! What if I didn't answer that question right on the interview, I never would of met you....I am grateful for the blessings I have in my life and the ones I have yet to receive.
I love the "what-if" game..I play it everyday...and just like you, I don't let it get me down either. I love the "what-if" game because it gives me the perspective I need to go on each and every day.....
We are not promised a tomorrow and thankfully, I'm grateful for the idea because it gives me the excuses I need when I do something really stupid...I always tell them I won't do that tomorrow...ha,ha
LIVE YOUR LIFE HONEY, ENJOY IT, REACH OUT TOO IT, EMBRACE IT..
and by all means set your goals so high it becomes a challenge worth trying for..
LOVE YOU,
Marsha
I can do all things through him that strengthen me....he who gives me the very breath I breathe every day. He who loves me for who I am and not what I want to be, he who gave his only begotten son so that I may live a life full of freedom and choices. He who allows me to love, laugh, cry and live!! What if I didn't answer that question right on the interview, I never would of met you....I am grateful for the blessings I have in my life and the ones I have yet to receive.
I love the "what-if" game..I play it everyday...and just like you, I don't let it get me down either. I love the "what-if" game because it gives me the perspective I need to go on each and every day.....
We are not promised a tomorrow and thankfully, I'm grateful for the idea because it gives me the excuses I need when I do something really stupid...I always tell them I won't do that tomorrow...ha,ha
LIVE YOUR LIFE HONEY, ENJOY IT, REACH OUT TOO IT, EMBRACE IT..
and by all means set your goals so high it becomes a challenge worth trying for..
LOVE YOU,
Marsha
# posted by : 9:10 AM
: 9:10 AM
Jeremy...it appears that all of the comments coming today have some roots in all the positives remarks you have already said. So...I would say that one thing great coming from this blog had not Sarah started on this course is the fact that all contributors are ministering to each other and you being one of the "others". What a great gift regardless of all the what ifs could have brought. When I want to read something good, I go to your blog. Unknown person to me, Diantha's remarks were particularily inspiring. And...I know her sister well. What a surprise. Doris Douglas is one of Diantha's great fans.
# posted by : 10:32 AM
: 10:32 AM
Jeremy
I would like to say something long n meaningful like these other people have but I can't see thru my tears!!! U know from day 9 I have been one of your biggest cheerleaders despite not knowing you from a blade of grass. I, too, have tried vehemently not to allow my mind to wander down that path and have instead tried my best to soldier you on and push you forward. I've always treated you as though this pause in your life never happened and truly believe you can still do anything as normally as you would have 2 yrs ago! You can't dwell on it as 2 yrs gone. Many ppl have "lost" 2 yrs of their life going through traumatic experiences (myself included...) and you just have to come to terms w/ the fact you can't go back no matter how many times you turn around. (ok, that was long...I don't know how meaningful it was tho!)
2 years later and you are still my hero and my inspiration!!!!!
Maggie
I would like to say something long n meaningful like these other people have but I can't see thru my tears!!! U know from day 9 I have been one of your biggest cheerleaders despite not knowing you from a blade of grass. I, too, have tried vehemently not to allow my mind to wander down that path and have instead tried my best to soldier you on and push you forward. I've always treated you as though this pause in your life never happened and truly believe you can still do anything as normally as you would have 2 yrs ago! You can't dwell on it as 2 yrs gone. Many ppl have "lost" 2 yrs of their life going through traumatic experiences (myself included...) and you just have to come to terms w/ the fact you can't go back no matter how many times you turn around. (ok, that was long...I don't know how meaningful it was tho!)
2 years later and you are still my hero and my inspiration!!!!!
Maggie
# posted by : 9:25 PM
: 9:25 PM
Life is a journey ... always filled with unexpected turns and always filled with wondering "what if". Good for you for not dwelling on the way things might have been - they weren't meant for you!
Seems to me that next week you should list a bunch of the CDs you wish you still had .. and see what comes of it! I bet there are plenty of friends who would love to share their tunes with you. Go for it!
Fran
www.WhatFriendsDo.com
Seems to me that next week you should list a bunch of the CDs you wish you still had .. and see what comes of it! I bet there are plenty of friends who would love to share their tunes with you. Go for it!
Fran
www.WhatFriendsDo.com
If you had thrown your CD collection out the window, it would have been trampled to bits by the rescue workers and you wouldn't even know where it was today. Who listens to CD's anyway? Get some itunes and get on with the future of technology.
# posted by : 12:44 AM
: 12:44 AM
Oh yeah, don't forget, they have the best adaptive skiing programs in the world out here. Hint, hint.
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