Walking Spirit

Work is a subject that I rarely discuss on the blog because I don't know who is reading this and I don't want to compromise my position. However, I feel that it is time for me to discuss this because I want everyone to know what has been happening in this part of my life.

Frequently people ask me, "how's work going?", or "how much are you working now?" The answer to the second question is that I'm back to work full time. The answer to the first question is generally that going back to work full time was "probably the worst decision I've ever made." I say this jokingly but, I wouldn't say it at all if there wasn't a little truth to it. That truth lies in the adjustment from a year and a half of not working and pretty much doing whatever I wanted to back to working approximately 10 hours a day five days a week.

To be honest, I got pretty lazy during that year and a half. Coming back to work has been a much harder adjustment than I thought it would be. During the period of time that I was coming in part time (1 to 3 days a week) I felt pretty useless. My responsibilities had been spread out among the rest of the managers and I wasn't really doing anything. Then, when I added a fourth day I started taking back more responsibility but I didn't feel like I was accomplishing much. When the fifth day was added things started to get accomplished but, I didn't feel that I had any time to myself. (I still feel this way sometimes) That has been the hardest adjustment, accepting that I have to work and that I have to manage my free time better.

In my head I thought I would be able to come back to work and pick up right where I had left off. What I discovered was that I had lost a lot of confidence (in regards to work) in the time I was away. I was second guessing myself and making decisions from a personal perspective instead of a business perspective. For example, a lot of co-workers came to visit me in the hospital and called to check on me while I was away. When I returned I felt that my responsibility was to take care of the employees and found myself making decisions with their interests at heart instead of the interests of the operation. Recent events have opened my eyes to this and I think I have my head on straight again.

Two months ago I had a conversation with my boss about how hard returning to work has been and shared with him my concerns about being able to work five days a week. He was both understanding and supportive. About a month after that he announced that he was being promoted and would be leaving at the end of September. Several people asked if I would be applying for the General Manager position. My response, at first, was a firm "no". When asked why, I would explain that I had decided that was no longer the direction that I wanted my career to go. As I listed the reasons why not, I began to realize that those reasons were also reasons why I should apply for the job. In the end I decided to apply and felt that, if it was what I was supposed to do it would happen and that if it wasn't then it wouldn't happen.

The company has decided to hire a General Manager from outside the property. I am in no way disappointed by this. Even though I applied for the job, I wanted the best candidate, and that's what we've got. I'm really looking forward to working with him and learning from him.

This whole process has been a turning point for me. Two months ago I didn't know if I could do it. I was very stressed and frustrated. Now, I'm much more comfortable with my job and feel that the most difficult parts of the adjustment are behind me.

Before I close, there was one thing that I left out of last weeks update. Cliff, and his Corporate Chef, won the Milwaukee Battle of the Chef's with a box of Fruitloops! A mystery ingrediant that all the contestants were given at the start of the contest.