Walking Spirit

Before we get to tonights title I should fill you in on how things are going with the C-legs. Last week I mentioned that when I slow down the knees stiffen up to the point that I can barely lift my foot off the ground. Indeed, with every small step I was dragging my toe on the ground. I had the same problem when ever I would try to go down a ramp, which made that task a little scary. I'm happy to report that these issues have been fixed!

Last Friday I went back to the Prosthetist's office and we hooked the legs back up to the computer. As I walked we could actually watch the motion of my legs and feet on the computer. Instead of taking big steps and walking quickly (as I had the first time we programmed them) this time I took very small steps and walked slower. I think my large steps were a direct result of changing from the old legs to the C-legs. As I walked we learned that I wasn't getting as high up on the toe as I needed to for the knee to bend. Through programming we lowered the necessary elevation and I'm now able to change speeds and step length with minimal effort. These legs really are amazing!

Tomorrow we start a new round of Physical Therapy. My goals are to be able to stand/balance without holding on to anything for extended periods, walk with only one crutch and progress to a cane (preferably one with a sword inside!), and to walk down steps going forward step over step (instead of stopping on each one). Renee says these are lofty goals (especially the last one) but that they should be achieveable.

One thing that I think will help with the steps are the remote controls. (Yes, my legs have remote controls!) The remotes allow me to put the legs into three specific modes for different tasks. The first mode is a walking mode (which is the one it's normally in). The second mode is a programmable mode which is currently set for extended standing (the knees won't bend at all). The third mode is a stance mode; I haven't played with this mode yet but I think it allows a little bend in the knees. Ultimately I want to get to a point where I can use the stance mode for standing and have the programmable mode set for steps. I think this will allow me the confidence to walk down steps the way I want to without worrying about the knees bending too fast.

Now for the anger part. I want to fill you in on something that happened this weekend. It's a situation that hadn't happened yet and my reaction was...well, it was unexpected. I went to see the Bourne Ultimatum with some friends. being opening weekend I expected it to be busy. Some of my friends went ahead to the theater to get seats. When I walked in there were so many people in the theatre that I couldn't find them and an usher asked me if I needed help finding a seat. I told him that I was here with some friends, but that I didn't see them. He approached a man that was sitting in a row of four handicapped seats and asked him to move so that my group could sit there.

The man had an empty baby carrier sitting in front of him and looked up and said to the usher that he had a baby and this was the best place for him to sit so he could leave easily. The baby was out in the hallway with it's mother. The usher told him that these seats were meant for disabled individuals and their guests. The man said that they should be allowed to sit there because of their baby. The usher pretty much froze at this point.

I was standing next to the usher the whole time, I was sweaty, starting to get shaky, and was needing to sit down. Listening to the man argue with the usher was making me angrier and angrier. Since the usher wasn't saying anything I decided to speak. What I meant to say was "hey, do you really want to be the guy who wouldn't give up an accessible seat to a guy who is truly disabled?" What came out was "HEY!" with enough force behind it to draw the attention of everyone in the theatre. I was so shocked by how loud I was that I forgot what I was going to say. The man was staring at me so I finally said "look" and motioned to my legs.

The usher asked me not to make a scene, the man said "oh come on, don't make it about that", and said "it is about that, these seats are meant for people who have disabilities. As he stood up he said "so you ask a guy with a baby to move instead of all those people over there" motioning to other people who were sitting in accesible seats futher away. He gathered his things and moved on.

As the previews began the whole scene kept rolling through my head. I don't know where the force behind my voice came from, I don't remember sucking in my breath and I certainly didn't intend to yell. I kept thinking about his reaction and what I had said. I also kept thinking that a baby is a responsibility, not a disability. That sounded so much better, why hadn't I said that?

In the end I didn't feel any better about the situation. Normally I don't even sit in the accessible seating in theaters. This was the first time I'd been to a movie that was so busy I couldn't get to any of the empty seats. My hope is that the next time I'm confronted with a similar situation I'll be able to hold my temper and react better.