Walking Spirit

just a little but, not enough to keep me from writing this week! The Carpal Tunnel surgery went well and I am still recovering. The stitches will be removed tomorrow and with any luck I'll also find out how much longer I must endure the indignity of relying upon my parents to move me around the house. Really, the most frustrating part for me right now is when I find myself sitting next to the toilet with nothing to keep me entertained, other than watching the water swirl around the bowl, while I wait for one of my parents to move me to another room!

The joys of the toilet bowl aside, it has been an exciting week. Over the weekend I got to meet all of the angels who saved me from the wreckage of my jeep. (have I mentioned how much I loved that jeep?) We invited each of them and their significant other to join us for dinner at my parents home. I've recently seen pictures of the jeep and I honestly cannot fathom how I survived. The people who svaved me risked life and limb to get me out. I don't believe that the entire story of the accident is covered on this blog (don't worry, I'm not going into it now) and I feel that the people who saved me should be recognized. I truly believe that I would not have survived the accident without divine intervention. That night Keryn Vickers, Mary Tessmer, Matt Demmings, Joe Tessmer, and Michael Jackson (not the singer) were the agents of that devine power. If not for them, I would not be alive today.

I also had the opportunity to speak with some of the people from my church who have offered their support and prayers to my family and I throughout this ordeal. I know that there are many people who have been with us during this time, many of whom I have not met. It's very important to me that all of you know how thankfull I am. Your prayers and support are a large part of what is helping me get through this. Through my conversations I have learned that their is one thing that I need to share with all of you. That one thing is my current mental state in regards to my injuries and how they occurred.

I have received many cards and letters that offer support for me during this "dark time" and are trying to help me deal with depression. While I do appreciate the cards and letters I think it's important for all of you to know that I'm not depressed or going through a "dark time". In fact, it's very rare that I feel angry, bitter, or depressed about what has happened. When I do have those feelings they are fleeting at best. Oh, in the very early days, when I was first waking up, I did have some pretty depressing thoughts. Then someone told me that when she heard that there were no spinal injuries or brain trauma she knew I would be okay. I realized she was right, that I would walk again, and that I would still be able to lead a "normal" life.

This past week I also had my first conversation with the father of the girl who hit me. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't irritated by the fact that she still has not been told the full extent of my injuries. However, I will not allow myself to be angry that her parents have been trying to protect their daughter. I have made her father aware that I feel that she needs to know the full extent of the changes in my life as well as several other peoples lives resulting from the accident. I have also informed her father that I wish to let her know that she is a 16 year old girl and needs to move past this and live her life. I want her to learn from this and share it with other people her age but I don't want her to be haunted with images of the night for the rest of her life.

When I left the Marriott last April I realized that I had been holding on to a lot of negative emotions as a result of the issues I dealt with while working there. Those negative emotions had only made me miserable and unsatisfied with my life. In that state I had not been able to move forward. As I began to realize this I began to let those negative emotions wash away. The questions behind those issues will always be there but the negativity no longer holds me back. It's this philosophy, strengthened by your support and prayers, that has allowed me to heal so quickly. As a very special friend recently said, I wasn't "even supposed to be out of the hospital yet". As I move forward my mind is focused on improvement and positivity not darkness or depression.

That's pretty much it for this week. I'll try to be more brief next week. Please pray for continued healing on my left leg. With any luck the remaining abrasions will be gone by the 28th and the doctors will write the order for my first prosthetic fitting on that day. Also, if you're interested in accessing earlier blog entries there are archive links on the left hand border of the page. The blog began toward the beginning of my long nap on November 6th. Thanks again and have a great week.