Walking Spirit

Year's End

2011-12-31T17:58:00.000-05:00

I find it fascinating that most of our world's religions celebrate their major holiday's during this time of year, when most of the world is filled with cold days and long dark nights. (Or at least it's supposed to be. Here in Indiana, we've been treated to a pretty mild December.) Even religions far older than Christianity celebrate the passing of the Earth's darkest night and the start of the journey towards her brightest day. (No Green Lantern reference intended.) It's fitting that so much of the world chooses to celebrate with messages of hope, happiness, and merriment as the dawning of a new year approaches. It is a time to reconcile our challenges from the past year and move forward to a stronger future.

For me, the holiday season is about spending time with friends and family. My fondest memories from childhood surround the holiday season. Travelling as a family to spend Christmas with my Uncle Mike, Aunt Jean, Cousin's David, Steve, and Beth in Wichita, Kansas. Playing outside in the snow with friends (it sure seems like it snowed a lot more back then).  Helping Mom with the Christmas cookies...eating the Christmas cookies! Staying up late and going to the 11pm Christmas Eve service.  The complete darkness of the Sanctuary as midnight approached and all the lights were shut out. Watching the single light of the Christ candle progress towards the front of the Church, and then being awed by the beauty of that light growing as it was spread throughout the congregation by the acolytes, while the we sang Silent Night, ultimately filling the gothic style sanctuary with the soft glow of candlelight as we moved into Joy To The World.  Carrying the Christ candle when I was the president of the Youth Group.  All the excitement of Christmas morning...

Ever since the accident, the holiday's have felt like a chore, but this year was different. Sure getting the gifts is always physically challenging (I usually need a shower after I'm done), but I enjoyed spending time with my father as we went from store to store. The first Christmas and new Years Eve after the accident, from my perspective, was over shadowed by sadness and frustration; as I had only been out of the hospital for five days. The holiday's after that were simply uncomfortable and different. We haven't been to the 11pm service for years. Partly because the 5pm service is more geared toward children (better for my niece), but also partly because I didn't have the energy to go to the 11pm service on my own. I couldn't sleep at my parents, and so would spend Christmas day napping during the day instead of spending time with my loved ones.

However, as I said, this year was different I had more energy. One of the best gifts Madeline could have given me was to ask me to sing with her and the rest of the kids choir and other Dad's & Uncle's at the 5pm service. As it was our Senior Pastor's last Christmas service with us, the majority of the family decided to return for the 11pm service. It's been six years since the last time that I saw the lights turned out for the candlelight portion of the service, as we leave them on for the children during the 5pm service. It was such a wonder to once again be surrounded by that soft light. This was the beginning of my true Christmas!

The following day I had enough energy to help Madeline put together a new board game and then figure out how to play it with her. I love my Madeline and me time! The family enjoyed wonderful time together visiting with friends and extended family throughout the week. Last night I had the pleasure of spending time with dear friends that I have known since middle school, and tonight I get to enjoy a relaxing evening at home (very much in need thanks to an annoying cold) watching movies on my new Blu-Ray player...thanks Mom and Dad! Happy New Year everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving...(a little late)

2011-11-27T15:24:00.001-05:00

Well, I can't let an entire month go by without a post, now can I? The month of November began with preparations for my friend David Kay's wedding. David met his new wife, Sarah, at the hotel where they both worked in Georgia a little over a year ago. Ever the nomad, David rarely stays in one place for long, and he was lucky to find a woman who was willing to move with him. They got engaged while living in Florida and planned their wedding to take place in Sarah's home town of Eatonton, GA. A few months later they found themselves living in Northern Indiana, not far from where David grew up. While honored to stand up as one of David's groomsmen, I secretly hoped that they would relocate the wedding to Indiana.  (As I have mentioned before, ever since the accident I feel a great deal of anxiety whenever I need to travel.)

If I get a call asking me to be in Washington DC (or some other distant location) the next day, I have no issues, but if I have time to worry over the details, I begin to feel like a caged animal searching desperately for a way out. As the date approached I still had not made a flight arrangement and gradually came to realize that driving would be the best option. It's that whole caged animal thing. If I had booked a flight, the closest airport was Atlanta, which was still an hour and a half from Eatonton. Once there I would need to rely on David's family, or other members of the wedding party, to travel the rest of the way. I didn't really know any of these people and wasn't comfortable relinquishing my independence while so far from home.

This is where the anxiety really comes from...the perceived loss of independence. The fact that I would need to rely on other people to move me, my wheelchair, prosthetics, crutches, and luggage from place to place. David's friends and family are all wonderful people. Any of them would have been happy to include me, and my needs, in their plans. Six years ago I would have been happy to join these perfect strangers on a road trip, but then again, six years ago I could have rented a car to get from Atlanta to Eatonton without the worry of whether the vehicle would have hand controls that I could use. (I'm assuming that it's possible to rent a vehicle with hand controls, but I've never looked into it, so I don't really know. Even if it is possible, there are many different versions of this assistive tech and I'm not positive that I'd be able to drive with any style other than what I'm used to.)

David spent the night before the trip at my house and then he followed me in his car for eight and a half hours to Atlanta. We were lucky to have beautiful weather for the drive and David and I spent half the time calling each other to point out funny road signs, amazing views, or to make fun of other drivers. As we reached Atlanta, I stopped to spend the evening, and most of the next day, with my Uncle Michael, who is the Director of Orchestral Studies at Georgia State. Interesting side note, my Parents were visiting him when the accident happened, and haven't been to Atlanta since (we think they're a little superstitious now).  David continued on to Eatonton and I got some rare quality time with my Uncle!

The wedding, which was held in a beautiful pre-Civil War era church was elegant and, thankfully, short. The perfect amount of time for a Groomsman standing on a pair of prosthetics! David's bride looked like a Disney Princess, the Bridesmaids dresses actually weren't hideous, and the tuxes, while very complicated with suspenders and vests and jackets and ties and pocket puffs, made the rough cast of characters on the Groom's side look quite dashing! This was the first wedding that I have been in since losing my legs, and walking down the aisle arm in arm with my accompanying Bridesmaid took a little practice.

During the rehearsal we practiced with her on either side of me as I used only one crutch to walk.  (Walking with one crutch is normally not an issue, but walking with one crutch in a tux with dress shoes on is a different story all together, especially when you add a Bridesmaid and a chruch full of people watching!) She would take my second crutch in her free hand and then give it back when we got to the end of the aisle. We established that it worked best for her to walk on my left side (opposite the normal positioning). However, while watching the Bridesmaids process at the beginning of the wedding, I realized that they each had a bouquet that they weren't carrying during the rehearsal. She wouldn't have a free hand for my crutch! At the end of the wedding I leaned forward to tell the Groomsman in front of me to take my left crutch when he recessed with his Bridesmaid.  We tried to do a subtle hand off, but he didn't have a good grip on the crutch and dropped it before he went to leave. To the audience it appeared that he had taken my crutch away from me, which led to audible intakes of breath and an accusatory statement or two, then people calmed down and you could hear hushed questions and statements of "was that supposed to happen?" or "I think he was supposed to take that." and "Did he just take that man's crutch?" We thought it added a nice comic moment to the end of a perfect wedding!

(I'm at the top right, I could swear I was smiling but, then again, I was also concentrating on standing at the top of the stairs and not knocking the whole weding party over like dominoes!)

On the drive home I didn't have the benefit of another car to caravan with. Left to my own devices, I enjoyed being on my own schedule, stopping when I wanted, enjoying the beautiful vistas, and listening to my recordings of the NPR Star Wars radio drama and the NPR Empire Strikes Back, which originally aired in 1981 and 1983, respectively. (I know, but I have to let my geek flag fly every once in a while). Star Wars is a six and a half hour version of the original film and Empire is a five hour version, so even though I've had them for years, this was only the second time that I've listened to them.  Honestly, I'm not even sure I'd ever finished Empire before. (I actually finished that and then listened to Return of the Jedi as I drove around town over the next few days.) As I crossed into Indiana I stopped for dinner in Corydon, to visit with my friends Jason and Michelle Copperwaite and their seven children.  once i was well fed and had been entertained by the chidren, I finished the long drive.

The rest of the month was a flurry of activity, most of which is centered around my normal routine. I also came down with a horrible cold that lasted for over a week and left me with a very scratchy voice from all of the coughing. (Last Sunday at church I think I was singing in the Contra Base range!) However, I did have the unique, and very special opportunity to visit with the Nursing staff at the Wishard Hospital ICU. CTS (Community Tissue Services) contacted me several months ago to ask if I would be willing to speak to these Nurses about being a tissue recipient, as many of their patients do not survive and they see the tissue donation side of it, which is very sad, but never get to see the people who are saved by the donor's gift of life.  This was a rare opportunity that I had the pleasure of sharing with a kidney recipient and a cornea recipient.

Thanksgiving approached faster than expected. This year I think I finally perfected my Sugar Cream Pie, which has become my contribution to the Warriner family dinner. We've had three happy days of visiting with family and friends, fantastic food and drink, and even catching a movie. As we sat around the table before the first bite, my father said a prayer, we toasted, and then each said what we were thankful for. I said that I was thankful for the wonderful love and support that I have received from friends, family, and even perfect strangers over these past few years, which is true, but as I look back on the past year and really think about it, I find there is something else that I wish I had voiced on Thursday. I could not be more thankful for my independence, health, and the ability to overcome my anxiety and adapt to new situations!

I hope that each of you who read this, be ye friend, family, acquaintance, or perfect stranger, had the opportunity to reflect on Thanksgiving, or even now these several days later, and see what is truly important to you, what gifts you have been given throughout the year. I hope that you can see through the trees of your day to day life and see the beautiful attributes of the forest that has grown from your presence in the world. I hope that you can see both the tangible and the intangible gifts, whether obvious joys or hidden strengths that come from surviving the challenges of the world, and be thankful. Happy Thanksgiving!

Six Years On

2011-10-22T18:44:00.001-04:00

I'm lying in bed, warm sheets pulled up around me, lost in a dream...one where I'm hiking the trails in the Porcupine Mountains with my friend Mark Hatfield. (Mark and I actually hiked in this region of Michigan's Upper Peninsula when we were in high school. This is where we lost our food to a black bear and had to hike 14 miles on an empty stomach, but that's a story for another time...if I haven't already told it. I've been writing this blog for almost six years now, and it's hard to remember what tales I've spun.) This dream is a little bit different than the actual experience. As I'm climbing over an outcropping of rock to get to the top of a cliff, I hear Mark tell me to be careful of my footing, then laugh. I look down and realize that he's laughing because I'm not actually climbing, so much as hovering in front of the rock face and using my arms to steady myself as I rise.  There appear to be small jets attached just above each ankle and the jets are allowing me to float high above the ground. The legs look nothing like the prosthetics that I currently have.

These are made of a shiny metallic material that looks black, but gives off shades of purple, red, and dark blue as they catch the light. There are no shoes at the end, rather a solid looking foot made out of the same material, with five long almost bird like talons instead of toes - clearly meant to add stability and traction. The legs feel super light; I can't feel where my body ends and these semi monstrous, yet eerily elegant limbs begin.  As I pull myself over the edge of the cliff I watch the little jets at my ankles retract into my calves and my feet settle to the ground. I am immediately shocked to feel the ground beneath my feet. I turn to look back over the edge at Mark, down below, and am amazed to discover that my legs and feet aren't reacting to what my upper body is doing; they are moving independently based upon my thoughts!

"Come on! Throw down the ropes so the rest of us can get up there! We don't have much time left." There is a sense of urgency to his voice. That's when I realize that we aren't alone.  I can see other people starting to emerge from the edge of the tree line at the base of the cliff. Mark's wife Lauren approaches him, barefoot as always, and waves up to me. "Well, will we be safe up there?" she calls out. She looks stressed. Both of them also look older than they should. Then a young man, maybe 16 years old, and a young woman who looks to be about 18 step out of the trees.

In this world I have never met them, may not ever, but in the dream world I recognize them immediately. The boy carries in his hand the very same bow and quiver of arrows that I had when Mark and I backpacked through this mountain range during our youth. I can tell by the distinctive coppery color of their hair that these are my children. Then, my heart catches as the woman who I instinctively know to be their mother steps partially into view. She has long dark hair, delicate looking porcelain skin, and a slender build. Her mere presence causes me to hold my breath in anticipation. She is just lifting her face to look up at me when I feel something furry rub against my cheek, then something pulls on the hair of my goatee.

The dream shatters before I can get a clear look at her. I'm in darkness, there is a chill to the air around my face but my body is nice and toasty in the sheets and blanket.  Where was I? Something furry rubs up against my cheek again. Then I hear a timid "meow" and feel the cat nibbling at the chin hairs of my goatee. Another furry rub across my face and I pin the cat beneath my arm. I become aware of birds chirping outside my window. I open my eyes to the faint, surreal light of dawn. As I sit up the days light is already beginning to intensify and I'm keenly aware of what morning this is.  For most of the world it's just a day, which in someways makes today feel like a birthday, because for myself and those closest to me it is the six year anniversary of the accident.

On Saturday October 22nd, 2005 I left work around 8pm and had the misfortune to cross paths with a sixteen year old girl who had only had her license for 20 days.  The next morning Pastor Kevin Armstrong would begin the worship service at North United Methodist Church with an announcement that I had been in a tragic car accident and that I was currently in surgery at Methodist Hospital, a surgery that was expected to last until about noon that day. (Six years later and there are still tears streaming down my face as I type this, though the tears are not for what I've lost, but for the life I've gained and the support I've received along the way.)   Kevin asked the congregation for ministry through prayers and additional support for my family. Later in the service Pastor Sharon White led the congregation in a special prayer for my healing and survival.

About four months after the accident I asked for a recording of that worship service.  That tape has been sitting in my room, untouched, for six years. Believe it or not, I still have a cassette tape player in my house (which has also been untouched for at least six years). Today, for the first time, I finally wanted to listen to the service. It was beautiful, and helped me enter a period of reflection on what this day now means for me.

Each year I have taken the time to sit down and share, through this blog, my thoughts and feelings on this day.  Reflections on how the accident has shaped my life and the perceived lessons that help me carry onward.  During the weeks preceding "Survival Day" as my father seems to have named it, I tend to think about what I will write and have a solid idea before the actual day arrives. This year has been different, I've been struggling for inspiration, which may be partly why I chose this day out of the 2000+ days that have passed since the accident to listen to the worship service from October 23rd, 2005.

What makes this year different, is that with each year that passes my life becomes more "normal" and it grows more difficult to see how much has changed from one year to the next.  There have definitely been some new adventures. I've travelled more this year than I have since the pre-accident days. I'm more comfortable with my current situation than I've been in years. My independence has been restored and I feel in control of my life. Another shift, which is evident if you read the older anniversary posts (2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006), is that on this day my thoughts no longer turn toward what I have lost. Rather, I find myself thinking about the progress that I've made and (based on this morning's dream) what the future holds...

What does this day represent for me? It is no longer the day that I lost everything; it is the day that I didn't die, that I survived and gained new life.  Traumatic events have a tendency to cast long shadows, but if we take a step back and look at the other side of the coin, we will also find a shining light of hope. We determine what these moments in our lives will mean to us. Think about the moments in which your lives have been changed, be it through the loss of a loved one, the ending of a relationship, losing a job, the loss of limbs, etc...these are your "Survival Days".   When that day comes, reflect on all the positives that came before and raise your eyes to the future, to a time when life will seem "normal" again.  My life has become "normal" again, and tonight I ask that you to share a toast with me to my Survival Day!

                                   (Now, where can I find that woman from my dream...?)

Seeing the Soul Within

2011-10-07T13:41:00.003-04:00

Ok, so at the end of my last post I hinted that in this new update I would be talking about finally finishing a 20 year old project. However, so much has happened over the past few weeks that I think I'll save that little anecdote for later. If you've been reading my recent posts, then you are aware that InclusionFest happened on Saturday, September 17th. (At the end of my last update I also promised that there wouldn't be anymore stuff about fundraisers for about a year, but it just wouldn't be fair for me to leave you in the dark about how it went!)

I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that everyone involved with planning InclusionFest was biting their nails the night before the event. It could either be a huge success, or a monumental flop. When I arrived at the park at 8am I was happy to see a large tent already standing in the lawn near the community center. There was a crowd of people waiting for volunteer orientation to begin. Vendors and Artists were starting to arrive, and as 10am rolled around there was a small crowd starting to gather at the registration table. InclusionFest began with a proclamation from Mayor Ballard officially making the day a "Day of Inclusion"! Then the Wheel-A-Thon began with people, wheelchair users and non-wheelchair users alike, wheeling through the park and stopping at fun, educational, "pit stops" along the way.

The weather was perfect and as the day wore on the musicians arrived, and more people joined us to celebrate, observe the sports demonstrations, visit the vendor booths, and attend workshops. One of my personal favorites was the Beep-ball Baseball demonstration. They even allowed sighted people to put on a blindfold and experience it for themselves. I'll never forget watching Bruce Armacost, a close family friend and neighbor, hit the ball and then (with the blindfold on) turn the opposite direction from the base (which was emitting a sound similar to that of an insect) and start running toward English Avenue. Everyone laughed as I yelled out "someone who is sighted go get him before he runs out into the street!"

InclusionFest was a tremendous success! We managed to create a fun, educational, event and raised much needed funds for accessABILITY at the same time. Our low end goal was to raise $20,000 in unrestricted funds for the organization, and our high end goal was $25,000. At the end of the day we managed to raise just over $27,000, with expenses around $3000, we came in just under the high end goal! This wouldn't have been possible without the support of many of my friends and family, and I want all of you to know how much I appreciate it!

Just as I was starting to recover from InclusionFest (I was on my feet much more than usual, and while it wasn't a problem at the event, my body punished me with aches and pains for the next several days!), I took a trip to Cincinnati for the World Burn Congress. The World Burn Congress is an annual convention, hosted by the Phoenix Society, for Burn Survivors. I had heard about the event for a couple of years, but it's just not the type of thing that I would normally spend money to do, so had never attended before. This year, my friends at Community Tissue Service invited me to attend as their guest. I had no idea what to expect and, as always, wasn't looking forward to being away from home, but I'm so glad I went!

When I arrived at the hotel I had the usual conversation with the Valet attendendant about the fact that they can't park my car (due to the hand controls), and arranged to park my car someplace relatively close to the front entrance. After I checked in, I headed over to the elevators where I found a large crowd of people waiting to head up to their rooms. A woman wearing a Phoenix Society t-shirt separated herself from the group and came over to give me a hug and welcome me. I did not know this woman, but thanked her, and asked "why the hug"? She responded "we hug every first timer!"

Now, I'm not sure how she knew that I was a "first timer", as I hadn't even registered with the convention yet. (After you register you're given a name badge, and all "first timers" have a heart on the name badge to identify them.) Clearly my prosthetics tipped her off to the fact that I was a burn survivor. We waited for the elevators for several minutes, but there was an event starting on the 3rd floor and the elevators just weren't making it to the lobby. Finally a staff member offered to take myself, and several others, up on the staff elevator. As we loaded onto the elevator I received several more hugs! It was a little strange, but I got used to it pretty quick.

After dropping my things off in my room, and checking to make sure I would be able to get into the bathroom with my wheelchair (they had only put a "request" on my reservation for an accessible room, and none were available), I headed back down to the lobby to meet my dear friend Kelly Clements (who lives in Cincinnati) for dinner. (For the record, I had to call the front desk to have maintenance remove the bathroom door so that my wheelchair could fit through the doorway, and to have them bring up a shower chair, which was already supposed to be in the room. I also had to have housekeeping remove a rollaway bed from the room, which, clearly, was not supposed to be there. However, I should note the the hotel went the extra mile by installing a hand held shower head, before my arrival, that normally wouldn't be in the room!) Again, I found myself waiting for several minutes for the elevator to arrive. I passed the time by chatting with a woman who was also waiting on the elevator with her 6 year old son (who also happened to be a burn survivor). As soon as I mentioned that I was also attending the Burn Congress her son turned around from the window and ran straight towards me, arms wide, to give me a hug!

The next morning I headed over to the convention center in my wheelchair (the distance was just too far for me to walk and not be uncomfortable for the rest of the day). Even with all the hugs from the night before, I still didn't know what to expect. I met my friend Tammy, from CTS, and headed into the ballroom for breakfast and to hear the opening keynote speaker. I found myself in a room full of hundreds of burn survivors, adults and children alike, many of whom had horribly disfiguring scars, missing noses, ears, fingers, hair, limbs, etc. Now, I've seen many patients in the burn unit with injuries as bad and much worse than mine, but I've never been with so many burn survivors at once. It was disturbing at first, at once hard to look at and hard to look away, but within a few short minutes I realized that none of it mattered.

Over the next two days I would sit in on emotionally challenging open mic sessions where fellow burn survivors would share their stories. I attended workshops and met people from all over the world. I had breakfast with a family from Beijing, China and had lunch with a Nun and her Insurance Agent who were from Ghana, Africa. (The Insurance company was sponsoring the Nun's, attendance at the Burn Congress and had sent her Agent along as her travel companion. Clearly the African insurance companies want to do more for their clients than the American insurance companies!)  The environment was so open, welcoming, non-judgemental, and safe that you could sit down next to a perfect stranger and start up a conversation; finding common ground in our vastly different injuries and the stories behind them. As I spoke with these people, and watched the way everyone was interacting with each other, I realized what made it so easy for us to be together.

We weren't seeing the scars and the missing limbs, and all of the surface things that can easily make others uncomfortable. We were all seeing the souls within the people around us.  (I'm reminded of Yoda's words, "luminous beings are we, not this crude matter...") Once you focus on that, you'll find that a person's physical presence really doesn't matter. So, the next time you find yourself interacting with someone who's appearance, movement, etc., you find difficult, or possibly even painful to look at, take a second look and see the soul within. Find that spark of the divine that makes us unique individuals, and yet profoundly connects us to one another at the same time. That is where a persons true beauty lies and if you can learn to see that in everyone, especially those that society might otherwise shun, you'll be amazed at the impact you can have on them, and they will have on you!

One Week To Go!

2011-09-11T18:50:00.000-04:00

InclusionFest featuring the Wheel-A-Thon is now only one week away. A year ago we set out with the vision to create Indiana's premier disability awareness event. We asked people with disabilities what such an event would look like to them. The people we spoke to said they would want to see things like adaptive sports, interactive educational activities, music, art, food, assistive technology, and access to support services, service providers, and equipment suppliers, etc. We've tried to do just that.

accessABILITY - Center for Independent Living, Inc. is hosting InclusionFest, which is a free event, on Saturday, September 17th, at Christian Park (4200 English Ave.), from 10am to 4pm. The event will begin at 10am with the Wheel-A-Thon, which is accessABILITY's major fund raiser for the year. There will be wheelchairs on hand for everyone, including non-wheelchair users, to participate. If you want to take part in the Wheel-A-Thon, but can't be there at 10am, we will have a second "heat" starting at 11am. All of the funds raised through the Wheel-A-Thon go directly to accessABILITY, which is a non-profit that provides free Independent Living services to all people, of all ages, in Central Indiana with any type of disability. During these tough economic times, this organization is also an important partner in reducing the cost to taxpayers by helping people with severe disabilities avoid unnecessary institutionalization; one study estimates that in 2010 the State of Indiana realized over $26 in savings for every dollar spent supporting centers for independent living.

Most of the fund raising takes place before the event through on-line donations. All Staff members and Board members at accessABILITY establish teams on-line and are supposed to ask friends, family, professional contacts, etc., to consider making a donation to their individual team, joining the team and asking others to donate, or forming their own team to help raise funds. My team is Rebellion on Wheels (the name comes from my obsession with Star Wars), and this year I originally set my goal at $1000.00. Thanks to the amazing generosity of several friends and family members, we surpassed that goal many weeks ago, so I raised my goal to $2000.00. With just a week left, Rebellion on Wheels has raised $1542.00 for accessABILITY, and I'm hopeful that we will still beat the $2000.00 mark by Friday!

I'd like to thank the following people for donating to my team. These are all people whom I consider friends and family. What's interesting to me, is that many of these people are friends from long ago who I haven't seen since High School, several of whom live out of state. Whether they have chosen to make their donations out of recognition of the value that this organization provides to the community, or a desire to support me in this endeavor, I am deeply touched and appreciative. Thanks to all of you!

Cindy Reeves (my Godmother and Aunt)
John and Rebecca Klein
Nathan Blanchet
Herb Budden
Ali and Drew Carlson
Laikeya Watson
Jessica White
Keith Olson
Melissa Miller
Laurel Sorenson
Mick and Debbie Peek
Joy Rogers
Mark Hatfield
Ron and Kathy Gifford
Community Tissue Services (Dr. David Smith, CEO, and Diane Wilson, COO)
Susanne McAlister
Jo Ann Hatfield
Han Solo (my childhood hero, and apparently the pseudonym of my good friend Nate France!)
Debra Lein
Matt and Betsy Demmings
Patricia Warriner (my Mom, and I'm assuming Dad was involved too)
Maggie and Jack Herring
Amputee Care Center (Mark and Jeri D'Amico - Mark is my Prosthetist)
Gabe Polt
Matt and Sarah Holland
Amanda Melpolder and Jaki Levy
Harry and Lilla Kuper
Laura Pitts
Gayla Pitts
Rev. Tony Clark
Beth Ann Heiny
Ron Ellis
Merrilinda and Skeets Griffin
and 3 individuals who chose to remain anonymous

All donations make a huge impact, no matter how large or small. If you are interested in making a donation through my team, simply click on Rebellion on Wheels, which will take you to my team page where you will see the Rebel Alliance emblem from Star Wars. Once you are there, click on the "Sponsor Our Team" button.

If you are in the Indianapolis area next Saturday, please consider coming to InclusionFest. This is our first year, and we really have no idea what to expect. As it is a free event, we can't even begin to estimate how many people will attend, but we hope to attract as many as 700 people. So, even if you can't make it, please share the info about this event with anyone you know who is in the area. Here's a list of the day's activities. Hope to see you there!

-Wheel-A-Thon (10am to noon)
-Live Music (throughout the day)
-Sports demonstrations (various sports from noon till 3:30pm)
          -Wheelchair Tennis
          -Inferno Power (wheelchair) Soccer
          -Beepball Baseball (for people who are blind)
          -Indy Brawlers Quad Rugby
-Kids Area (10am - 4pm w/adult supervision) including:
          -clowns
          -face painting
          -balloon animals
          -kids games and activities
-Vendor area (10am to 4pm) including:
          -support services for people with disabilities
          -Artists
          -Community Art Project (hands on)
          -food
          -disability related equipment supply vendors, etc.
-Workshops including:
          -Financial Literacy
          -Caregiver Support
          -Accessible and Affordable Housing
-Additional Demonstrations including:
          -Self Defense Demonstrations
          -Wheelchair Ballroom Dancing demonstrations
          -Assistive Technology demonstrations
          -Service Dog demonstrations
          -Adaptive vehicle demonstrations
-Two food trucks including West Coast Tacos

Oh, and if you were interested in getting one of the cookbooks that were published to help raise money for my prosthetic needs, but didn't have an opportunity to get one, now's your chance. They will be available for $15.00 in the vendor area!

We are also in need of volunteers to help us ensure this event is a success. If you have any interest in volunteering for this event, please contact accessABILITY at (317) 926-1660.

The other great news is that after Saturday, no more fund raising stuff on the blog for about a year. Teaser for next time: Finishing a project that I started over 20 years ago!

InclusionFest featuring Wheel-A-Thon

2011-08-26T14:53:00.004-04:00

For the past year I've been working with a team of people from accessABILITY's staff and board, as well as volunteers from organizations like the RHI Sports Program and Noble of Indiana to create a new event called InclusionFest! InclusionFest gets it's roots from accessABILITY's past, when the organization was still known as the Indianapolis Resource Center for Independent Living (IRCIL for short). (You can see why we changed the name.) The original InclusionFest wasn't held in Marion County and took a great deal of work to present. Due to limited resources and lack of community support, IRCIL transitioned the event into the Wheel-A-Thon, which has been held for the past two years at the UIndy fitness center. The Wheel-A-Thon was a fun, educational event, but the setting wasn't ideal. We needed a new event that would reflect the mission of accessABILITY. Everyone on our board, and staff, loved the concept of a festival celebrating inclusion, built around the strengths and talents of people with disabilities. So, that's what we set out to create!

This year, InclusionFest, which is a free event, will take place on Saturday, September 17th, at Christian Park (4200 English Avenue, Indianapolis, IN) from 10am to 4pm. The event will begin with the Wheel-A-Thon, which will be outdoors in the park, and will include fun "pit stop challenges". Various Musician's will perform throughout the day to provide a little energy for those of us going around the track and to entertain others as they visit the many different vendors who will be displaying their artwork, services, products, etc. People who come to InclusionFest will have the opportunity to help create a community art project that will be displayed at accessABILITY's office, enjoy several different demonstrations (some of which will be "hands on" activities), or attend workshops.

We will have several demonstrations from the Rehab Hospital of Indiana's Sports programs including Wheelchair Tennis, Power (wheelchair) Soccer, Beepball-Baseball (for people who are blind or have severe visual impairments), and Quad Rugby. We will also feature demonstrations on assistive technology, service dogs, adaptive vehicles, self defense, and wheelchair ballroom dancing! In addition to the demonstrations, we are hosting workshops on Financial Literacy, Caregiver Support, and Accessible and Affordable Housing. For the smaller children who don't find all of that stuff interesting, there will be a kids area with clowns, face painting, and other fun kids activities. It's going to be a big day!

I have to keep reminding myself that this is the "first year" for this new version of InclusionFest. As September 17th draws closer I keep getting nervous about how it's going to go. (Somehow I became the Chair of the planning committee, even though I don't remember being asked, so I feel somewhat responsible for it's future.) How are we going to overcome the advertising hurdle? Will the community show up to support this event? We've had a difficult time drawing other disability related support organizations to have a presence at the event. If it is well attended hopefully more will be interested in supporting InclusionFest next year. It is our hope that this will become Indiana's premier disability awareness event, which is a big goal, but if people come, I think it has a chance of becoming just that.

Adding to the pressure I've put on myself is the fact that the Wheel-A-Thon is accessABILITY's only major fundraiser for the year. Will we raise enough money to cover the cost of InclusionFest and support the free services that accessABILITY provides to people with disabilities throughout Indiana? If you're interested in sponsoring my Wheel-A-Thon team, Rebellion on Wheels, click here, then click on "Sponsor Our Team". Any donation, no matter how large or small will be a tremendous help. If you would like to join my team, help raise funds, and participate in the Wheel-A-Thon, click on the same link, and then select "Join Our Team". Last year, through many of your donations to the Wheel-A-Thon, I was able to raise $1600.00 for accessABILITY. This year I've set my goal at $2000.00. With only about two weeks left I'm now just over 50% of the goal. Can you help? All donations are tax deductible.

To be honest, I'm hesitant to ask friends, family, and even perfect strangers to donate to a cause I believe in. (I don't want to be that guy.) However, accessABILITY does provide vital services for all people with any type of disability in central Indiana at no cost to the consumer, and they need financial support. I've come to understand that if I don't give you the opportunity to make a donation, then I am making the decision for you, and that's not fair. Regardless of whether you are willing to make a donation at this time, or not, I do hope that you keep InclusionFest in mind and can join us at Christian Park on September 17th!

New York

2011-07-13T12:24:00.000-04:00

My first trip to New York was with my family to see my Uncle Michael guest conduct at Carnegie Hall. Judging by the old pictures it was January '94, my freshman year of college. I remember being amazed by the size of the city and overwhelmed by the complexity of the subway system. I would return each November for the next three years to attend the International Hotel and Restaurant Show with a group of students from Purdue. Each year I became more and more comfortable navigating the great metropolis on my own. Not just getting around the city and navigating the subway system but also pushing through crowds, getting tickets to shows, finding the great restaurants, hanging out in the local clubs, negotiating deals at hotels (I was a hospitality major after all). When I was working in Connecticut I even drove through the city to visit my Godfather, David, who was living in the Bronx. The last time I visited was on a vacation with my Dad and my good friend Cliff. I felt completely comfortable showing Cliff, who had never been to New York, around the city. I've always loved being in New York. After the accident, I thought I would never go back...

The idea to take a trip to New York came up about a year ago. We had just returned from our family vacation to Bellingham, WA. Due to a flight fiasco on Frontier each member of my family had been given $200 travel vouchers that had to be used within a year. I had decided that I wanted to take a vacation on my own, without family constantly hovering, simply to see if I could do it. New York, while aggressive, seemed like the right place. I could stay with my Godfather, visit some friends in Brooklyn, and maybe catch a show or two. I'd already done all of the "touristy" things in the past so I wouldn't feel the need to be constantly on the go. I thought about doing it in the fall, but then the fall turned into winter and I said I'd go in the spring. Then the spring started to pass by and my family started to talk about going to New York for summer vacation. I realized that if they were going to use their vouchers to go to New York then it would just be silly not to go with them, plus I was far more likely to use the voucher if I went at the same time.

I know that I've mentioned before that traveling with a disability, especially flying, is very difficult for me. The hardest part is actually the weeks and days before the flight where I start to obsess about how difficult it's going to be. (It's always easier than I think, and even though I know that, I still struggle with it.) As the trip drew closer the weather got hotter and more humid, which started to affect how my prosthetics fit. My legs were shrinking faster and my left leg began slipping off after a few hours. I started worrying about how difficult it was going to be to trust my legs in New York and I started to think that I had made a huge mistake in deciding to take this trip in the summer. But I had committed to this, and now my family was looking forward to it, so I had no option to back out.

With the exception of a one hour delay for our connection from Milwaukee to New York our flights went smoothly which, considering my previous experiences with Frontier, was a nice surprise. We arrived at my Godfather's home on Staten Island. A two hundred year old three story house that sits on a high hill with two steep flights of steps (without hand rails) in the front of the house. I stared up at the house, and the steps, wondering how I was going to make this work. From conversations with my Godfather I knew that the bathroom and bedroom on the second floor would be accessible for my level of mobility, but to get there I would likely have to take my legs off, push my way backwards up the winding staircase to the second floor, and then someone would have to bring my wheelchair up. But, if I was going to stay here with the rest of my family, I would first have to prove that I could get up the steps to the house.

The issue of where I would stay in New York had added greatly to my stress in the weeks before the trip. My family kept asking me where I was going to stay, but I couldn't answer until I had physically seen the options. I could stay at a family friend's apartment in the theatre district while he was out of town, but while his apartment building was accessible, the bathtub/shower had a glass door on it that made it dangerous, if not impossible, for me to transfer. I could stay with my friends in Brooklyn, but they didn't have a hand held shower head, which would make it next to impossible to reach everything that should be cleaned each day. (I'm sure I don't need to go into detail.) Staying at my Godfather's, even with the challenges that come with an old three story house, was the ideal option, but I just wouldn't know until I could be there.

After taking a minute to size up the steps, and assess any other options to approach the house (there were none in sight, but we later determined that approaching from the back of the house was easier), I started up the steps. My Godfather, not having seen me handle this type of obstacle and being slightly over protective, placed his hands on my hips in an attempt to help me stabilize. This actually restricted my range of motion to the point that I couldn't gain my balance, which caused me to pitch forward each time I climbed a step. I asked him to let go and was then able to climb the rest of the steps without incident. A neighbor from across the street witnessed this and came over to suggest that we make the approach from the back, but by then I was already halfway up the steps. We did use the back entrance for the remainder of the trip.

As expected, the house came with a lot of physical challenges, but the doors were wide enough for me to maneuver around in my wheelchair when I didn't have my legs on, and we were able to work out any accessibility issues in the bathroom. Not wanting me, or anyone else, to drop the money on a shower bench that I would only use for one week, my Godfather purchased a small step stool that was a perfect fit for his bathtub. With my good mobility and balance I was able to make this work as a shower bench during the trip. Each day ended with a workout as I pushed myself up the narrow, winding stairs, and each morning began with the reverse. It was also a workout for my Dad and my Godfather as they each took turns moving my wheelchair up and down the steps each day and also had to get it to and from the car every time we went out. And boy did we spend a lot of time out!

Our first full day on vacation was spent on Liberty and Ellis Islands. The wheelchair came in very handy here. There is normally a very long wait to get through security and onto the ferry to Liberty Island. However, just like at the airport or Disney World, as soon as the security staff saw me in the wheelchair, my family and I were moved to the head of the line!

Getting around both islands was actually pretty easy. Due to the distances, I used the wheelchair for the majority of the time, but I did get up for a few photo ops. The most difficult part was navigating through the crowd in the cafeteria on Liberty Island; and the tables and benches in the eating area outside, many of which were bolted to the ground and did not allow enough space for my wheelchair to pass. A very strange, hippie type character, noticed me looking for my family and came over saying "Where are you going? I'll move anything you need out of the way!" He then proceeded to walk in front of me and moved a few things out of my way that really weren't a problem, but he obviously wanted to help.

The following day we went to Times Square, and more specifically the Toy's R' Us in Times Square! This was my first real experience taking the wheelchair down into the subway system and maneuvering through the Manhattan streets. There are a limited number of accessible subway stations in New York, which made getting to some destinations difficult, but the South Ferry station and Times Square are pretty major hubs. It took a while to find the elevators and ramps, because they are poorly marked, plus you are supposed to get the station attendants attention so they can open a special gate for wheelchairs (which can take a lot of time), but after that first day I was thinking that subway travel by wheelchair really wasn't that difficult.

Being in the wheelchair in the crowds on the VERY uneven sidewalks and streets was hard to handle. There was no way around it; walking those distances in that heat in those crowds would have exhausted me to the point that there would be no enjoyment in the vacation. My stomach was unsettled for days from the constant jostling, but it was worth it to access the city and spend time with the family. I also had to accept help, allowing Dad and Mom to push the wheelchair at times when my arms were too tired. That afternoon we went to see the Adam's Family musical, which was absolutely hilarious, and we're pretty sure that we witnessed Brooke Shield's first performance as Morticia! She was simply wonderful.

The following day it seemed like we saw more of the bowels of New York (subway pictured above) than we did the actual city. It was a rainy day and we intended to take the subway to Rockefeller Center. This would require us to take two different subway lines, which meant finding a transfer point at an accessible station that would have elevators to reach the different platforms. I downloaded a subway app to my phone so that we could easily navigate the system. Unfortunately the app didn't show which trains weren't running on the weekend. We wasted about forty minutes waiting for a train that never came and then headed out into the rainy streets to cross town to Rockefeller Center. After we'd seen what we wanted to see in that area, we headed through the rain, which was coming down steadily now, to Grand Central Station to catch a train to Brooklyn where a friend of mine was cooking dinner for my family. Sadly, the subway system foiled us again.

I had told Amanda (my friend in Brooklyn) which subway line we intended to take, and she confirmed that I had the right train. Unfortunately, all trains going from Grand Central Station to accessible stations in Brooklyn had been shut down for maintenance over the holiday weekend! This wasn't clearly communicated, so we lost more time waiting for trains that never came. We finally got directions to take a train back to Times Square (where I then got "lost" due to an elevator that was poorly marked, thus requiring me to get off on every platform to find the rest of my family), and then transfer to an express train that would stop at the accessible station we needed in Brooklyn. From there we had to find a cab, which turned into a whole other fiasco; the driver, who didn't speak much english, looked at me and asked how to get to the address I'd given him! We finally arrived for dinner an hour and a half late. After dinner, we ordered a cab to take us back to the Staten Island Ferry. Thinking it would be easier and faster than the subway. When we were about three blocks away from the Ferry Terminal the cab driver, who had apparently moved here from Egypt about three weeks before and didn't speak much english, turned to me and said "I'm not sure where we are going. Can you tell me how to get there?" Thank goodness Dad was able to recognize the Ferry Terminal, which was the big, well lit, building three blocks ahead of us at the end of the street.

The Fourth of July was exactly the relaxing kind of holiday that I needed. We lounged around my Godfather's house on Staten Island and played several games of Euchre (an Indiana card game, if you've never heard of it). The best part of my vacation was spending a couple of hours teaching my Niece Madeline how to play Cribbage. After a great cookout we headed down to the shore line to watch the New York fireworks on the other side of the harbor. The show, even from that distance, was amazing.

The following day the family and I went to the Museum of Natural History, saw the T-Rex, explored Central Park, went to Tiffany's (where Madeline told me she "wished she could buy everything"...we bought nothing), and met my Godfather and another college friend of my parents for dinner at Carmine's (a family favorite). While in Central Park we came upon the Imagine Mosaic (pictured above) in Strawberry Fields. As I approached the mosaic I was surprised at the depth of emotion that I could feel saturating the area. It was very moving. We also visited the Alice In Wonderland statue (also pictured above) and the Balto statue. In the process of searching for Balto we encountered an area where the path went up stairs that were bordered on either side by trees with low hanging branches. Thinking I was smarter than the park, I got out of my chair and walked around the trees and up the hill. At the top of the hill I discovered that I was separated from my family by a fence that didn't appear to have any gaps nearby. (FOILED AGAIN!) The fence was low enough that I could climb over it, which required an interesting feat of amputee acrobatics that so concerned my family that nobody thought to take a picture, and Dad almost let the wheelchair roll back down the steps! Still, I made it over the fence. (So there, PARK! HA!)

The next day my family headed back to Indianapolis, while I stayed to spend more time with my friend Amanda (from Brooklyn) and my Godfather. Amanda and I spent the day in the city visiting Wall Street, Federal Hall, and Ground Zero (pictured above, note the construction of the new tower), before finally arriving in Times Square to see about getting tickets to an afternoon matinee. I really wanted to see the Spider-Man musical (out of simple fascination to see how they turned Spider-Man into a musical), but my Godfather had tried for several days to get tickets and it had been impossible. Amanda convinced me that we should still stop by the box office. As luck would have it I was able to get tickets, 9th row center orchestra on the aisle, for half price (which is their discount for people with disabilities and one companion)! The first half of the show wasn't very good (if you've heard the reviews then that doesn't come as much of a shock), but the second half of the show was absolutely fantastic. Spider-Man landed next to me twice and shot me with a web! (It was really just a handful of thin white streamers, but the effect was cool.)

I spent the last day of my vacation with my Godfather, which is a rare treat and something I've been wanting to do ever since I was in the hospital. We were both pretty exhausted from the previous several days. We spent most of the day just relaxing at his house and talking. That night we had dinner together at Virgil's (another family favorite near the theatre district) and then went to a performance of Cirque Du Soleil at Radio City Music Hall. It was the perfect way to wrap up the vacation. The next day, after a five hour layover in Milwaukee, I returned to Indianapolis with the knowledge that I can still take full advantage of most of what New York has to offer. It's far more difficult than it once was, and I will always need a companion with me if I'm going to be running around the city, but it's nice to know that I can still enjoy myself there!

What I've been doing

2011-06-14T17:45:00.002-04:00

I can't believe that almost a month has gone by since the last time I wrote. So far my summer has been filled with activity. Most of that activity is spent either in meetings discussing plans for InclusionFest, talking about local issues with the Mayor's Advisory Council on Disability, planning fund development and marketing opportunities for accessABILITY, or following up with communication related to all three. (I say "sadly" not because I don't enjoy these things, I do, but because it's just not that exciting to write about.)

About the biggest thing that's happened lately is that I had the pleasure of speaking at the Grand Opening ceremony for the Center for Tissue Innovation and Research in Dayton Ohio. The Center is run by Community Tissue Services, which is the organization that provided the donor skin for my tissue grafts. It has been, and continues to be, a tremendous honor to speak for the organization that helped save my life. The new Center is beautiful, with amazing features like windows that look into clean rooms so you can watch skin, tendon, and bone being processed into grafts. The most impressive part of the facility is that the walls of the central hall are covered with images of people (like me) who have been saved by tissue donation, and images of those who donated their tissue to save us. One tissue donor can save and enhance over fifty lives.

My weekends have been busy with activities of one sort or another with family and/or close friends. This past Saturday the Amputee Support Group met in the morning and for the second month in a row there were less than five of us present and we spent the time talking about how we could get attendance up. That said, as I sit here on my deck enjoying the beautiful weather while I type this, I find myself thinking about how busy my life is, and the fact that I don't really need much peer support (in regards to being an amputee) anymore. Is it possible that the reason our support group is dwindling is because those who have been coming for the past four years are now more accepting of the "new" normal? I still have difficult days, but I take heart in the fact that life has become "normal" again, even if it is so normal that I can't find anything fun to write about.

(Good news though, the monotony will come to an end soon. Teaser for next month...New York.)

A Whirlwind Tour

2011-05-17T15:00:00.007-04:00

I promise, this post won't be filled with political issues or crazy rants. For those of you who are curious about what happened with HB 1003, you should know that the bill did get passed into law without the ADA language that would have required the private schools that will now be eligible to receive our tax dollars to be ADA compliant. You should also know that a late amendment to the bill, which was added after all of the public hearings were done, established a sizable tax credit for any family that chooses to either send their children to private school or to home school them. This tax credit is supposed to account for the cost of school supplies. (Apparently families that choose to send their children to Public Schools don't have any expenses related to the supplies their children need to learn.) I shared this with all of you last month because I felt that it was wrong for our State Legislature to even consider legislation that violates our State Constitution, and I am still personally offended that they would not at least require all schools receiving state tax dollars to be ADA compliant. I share the outcome with you now so that you know what ultimately happened, and can hopefully see the very shady way in which laws are being made in this State. Now, if you're as sick of politics as I am, let's move on to something more upbeat!

Last month, while the ridiculous movie above was taking place (sorry, that's the last time I'm going to mention it, I promise), I flew to Pennsylvania to speak to several different groups. The travel was exhausting but speaking to the different groups was well worth the effort. My first stop was York Hospital, in York, PA, where I spoke to two different groups. In order to get to York I had to fly from Indy to Dulles Airport in Washington DC, where I then had to cross from one end of the airport to the other (no easy feat even if you don't have a disability) in a very short amount of time to catch my connection to Harrisburg, PA. Luckily the organization that originally approached me to do this series of speeches decided to send along a travel companion. I don't think I would have made it to my connection without her. (Dulles airport didn't provide the requested wheelchair assistance.) As we flew into Harrisburg I looked out my window and suddenly realized that we were flying right over Three Mile Island. before we even got to baggage claim we were met by a staff member from the Gift Of Life organization who then drove us to York, which was about 45 minutes to an hour away from Harrisburg.

At York hospital I spent about 45 minutes speaking to a group of Pathologists and Morgue technicians who have a role in the Organ and Tissue donation process. You see, the whole purpose of this trip was to give people from York Hospital and Gift of Life the opportunity to meet someone who has been affected by the type of work they do. It was actually quite educational for me too! After speaking to the first group I then spoke with the advocates from Gift of Life who work at the hospital and meet with families of deceased organ and tissue donors to begin the donation process. After we were done, it was back to the car to begin the long (roughly two hours) drive to Philadelphia.

As we pulled in to Philadelphia, Marianne (our coordinator and driver) called in an order for a couple of Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches, which she picked up for us on our way to the hotel. The sandwich was great but, as always, I had a horrible time sleeping in the hotel. (I think I spent most of the night staring at a beautifully lit bridge outside my window.) The next morning I met Amy, my travel companion, for breakfast before we started the second half of our trip. After breakfast, Marianne met us in the lobby and drove us over to the Gift of Life headquarters.

At the Gift of Life headquarters I first spoke to the staff in the call center, who would not be able to step away from their phones to join the larger group for my main presentation. As I walked into the call center all of the phones stopped ringing. This gave me the opportunity to tell them the 5 minute version of my story and how the type of work they do helped preserve my life. We all found it a little eerie that the phones stopped ringing when I entered the call center, stayed silent long enough for me to tell my tale, and immediately began ringing again as soon as I finished speaking.

After the call center I then spoke to a group of staff who were in a training session. As they had a full day of training I only took about 20 minutes with them, and then moved on to the next group, which would be the main presentation. the last group, of about 60 staff members, gathered together in their cafeteria, which was actually provided a great area for an "intimate conversation" with such a large group. I spoke to them for about 45 minutes to an hour; covering more details about the accident, my skin grafts, how important the donor skin I received was to my survival, and what I am doing now. They were a great audience, and the entire staff made me feel like both a celebrity and a member of their family. I can see why Philadelphia is called "the City of Brotherly Love."

After we wrapped things up at Gift of Life, it was back into the car and off to the airport. Just like that, my first trip to Philadelphia was over with a whirlwind tour through the state: a birds eye view of the nuclear power plant at Three Mile Island, a beautiful drive through the country side, a great authentic Philly Cheesesteak, and a nice view of one of Philadelphia's bridges (I'm not sure which one) from my hotel room window. As exhausting as it was, and as difficult as travel is with a disability, I'd be happy to do it again!

HB 1003

2011-04-15T14:11:00.005-04:00

On Wednesday the Senate Education and Career Development Committee voted to remove the amendment that included the ADA language from HB 1003. Due to Separation of Church and State, religious institutions are not required to comply with the ADA unless they receive federal funding or house a public business (like a public preschool in a church). Private religious schools also get this protection, which is why many of them are not ADA compliant. By removing the ADA language from the bill, private schools receiving our tax dollars will not be required to comply with the ADA, which will prevent children with disabilities from being able to use the vouchers to attend the "school of their choice". The bill creates a discriminatory system against children with disabilities! The Senate Education and Career Development Committee, which is the Committee that removed the ADA language from the bill, will vote on final amendments on Monday. The final vote for HB 1003 to pass into law is expected to occur on Tuesday, so if you want to speak out about this then you need to do so now.

In an effort to share with you what I am doing, and saying, I have drafted three slightly different letters which I am emailing to my Senator, all Senators on the Committee, and all members of the Senate. I can't post them all here, but I will post the body of the letter to My Senator at the bottom of this update. I have made it generic so, if you agree with what it says, you will only need to copy and paste it to your email, add names where appropriate and your name and address, then send it on. If you do not agree, please don't feel like I am pressuring you to use my words. If you like some of it, but not all, please feel free to use what you like and discard the rest. Please feel free to share this with anyone who wants to speak up against a bill that has been advertised as "providing school choice to all students", yet does not require private schools receiving State tax money to comply with the ADA, thus preventing children with disabilities from being able to choose those schools. A list of the Republican Senators can be found by clicking on this link, and a list of Democratic Senators can be found by clicking on this link. Both of those sites include a function to find your Senator, if you are unsure of who it is. Click here to find a list of the Senators who serve on the Education and Career Development Committee.

If you are curious about the validity of this, all you need to do is compare the version of HB 1003 that passed the House of Representatives, which did include the requirement that all private schools accepting vouchers be ADA compliant, with the latest version of HB 1003 that passed out of the Senate Education Committee on Wednesday. You can make that comparison by going to the www.in.gov/legislative website, look up "Bills & Resolutions" on the left side of the page and then click on "Complete Information for all Bills". Once at this site, scroll down to House Bill 1003 and click on it. Once there, you can click on the House Bill toward the bottom of the page and compare it to what is listed as the "Latest Printing" which is what passed out of the Senate Committee.

In addition to phone calls & e-mails, people should seek out opportunities for face-to-face meetings with legislators. These face to face meetings can occur if citizens come to the State House and are willing to wait to talk with their Senator or they can occur at "Third House" meetings that are typically held on Saturday mornings within the legislative district. Each district has its own place and time for these Third House meetings, so it is difficult to tell you exactly when, where or if one is scheduled for this Saturday in each district.

Please feel free to share this with anyone you know who would be disturbed to hear that our State Legislature is about to pass a bill that, while intended to help some people, discriminates against children with disabilities and violates our State Constitution to help what is a relatively small number of students across the State go to private school. (If your not sure what I'm talking about, be sure to read the previous update titled "My Day at the Statehouse".) Here is the letter, again, feel free to copy and paste into an email:

Dear Senator [name],

Regarding HB 1003, by allowing tax dollars that are meant to serve the Public Schools in our communities to be given in voucher form to qualifying parents to send their children to private, most likely religious, schools this bill violates the Indiana Constitution. The Indiana Constitution states “no money shall be drawn from the treasury to benefit any religious or theological institution.” I don’t care what loop hole has been found to get around this. The meaning of those words, and the spirit in which they were written, is clear. HB 1003 clearly allows public tax money to be given to religious and theological institutions. You were not elected to violate the Constitution.

The Senate Education and Career Development Committee has added insult to injury by removing the ADA language from this bill, which would require any school receiving vouchers for state tax money to be ADA compliant; HB 1003 creates a system that allows discrimination against children with disabilities. This bill has been advertised on local television as “giving school choice to all children in Indiana”, yet it does not enforce the Private schools receiving my tax money to be accessible to all children. How can you, an elected representative of The People, allow such a thing to happen?

As my State Senator, the voice elected to represent me in our Senate, I am directing you to vote down this bill. Speaking as one of The People I want you to know, I have friends all over this state with vastly different political and social views, and none of us are happy with the way Laws are being made at our Statehouse. Our State Legislature was not elected to waste our tax money on legislation that violates our Constitution and discriminates against a protected class of people. We are the silent majority that you rarely hear from and we are watching what you are doing. If you vote to support this bill then you prove that our State Legislature no longer works for The People. Do the job you were elected to do, and vote this bill down.

Sincerely,
[name]
[address]
[phone]

My Day At The Statehouse

2011-04-10T15:49:00.006-04:00

On Wednesday I went to the Statehouse to testify against the "school choice" Voucher Bill (HB 1003), which will take tax money away from all Public Education in Indiana and allow some parents (statewide) to use those tax dollars to supplement their child's tuition at a private school. There is no restriction to prevent parents from using this tax money to send their children to religious or theological schools. When I first learned of this I was shocked that our State Legislature would even consider a bill that clearly violates the separation of Church and State. I was angered that they would consider a bill that would take my tax money away from the schools in my community and give it to private, most likely religious, schools. And I was livid that they were wasting more of my tax money on hearings about a bill that takes money away from the many and gives it to the few!

At the time, the bill was still in the Indiana House of Representative's. I sent an email to every Republican member of the House. I didn't send it to the democrats because they are in the minority and it took A LOT OF TIME to email all of the Republicans. I attached a "read request" to my emails. That night I received automated responses from every Representative's office that my email had been received and that it would be read. Within the week I received notifications (because of the "read request") from over half of the House Republicans that my email had been deleted without ever being opened! The only response that I received was from the Speaker of the House, Rep. Bosma, which thanked me for my email and then proceeded to tell me all of the reasons why he supports the bill without ever addressing my concern about my taxes being taken away from my community schools. This enraged me even further, as he was not elected to tell me why he supports anything; his job is to listen to, and represent, The People.

Because of the cavalier treatment I received from the House Republicans, I decided to testify in opposition of the bill in person at the Senate Education and Career Development Committee's one and only public hearing on the bill. There are seven Republicans and three Democrats on the Committee. The hearing was set for 1:30pm. Wanting to secure a good seat, I arrived early at 11am. I chose to walk, rather than use the wheelchair, and the first thing I noticed as I arrived at the basement entrance to the Statehouse (which is the only accessible entrance) was a large (two to three car length) dumpster sitting in the middle of the accessible parking lane. (Dad dropped me off, so it didn't cause a problem for me, but what kind of message does that send to people with disabilities who want to speak in person with their State Legislators?) I should have recognized it for the omen that it was...

Filled with anticipation, I found my way through the Statehouse to the room where the hearing would be held. After a while I met up with two people from my church who were there to oppose the same issue. We secured seats in the front row and went about our own business until the hearing began. The Committee quickly ran through business on a series of other bills and then the public hearing on HB 1003 began. The Chairman of the Committee stated that each side (Support and Opposition) would have one hour, not including question and answer periods, for all testimony to be presented. Dr. Bennet, the State Superintendent of Public Instruction, was the first to testify in support of the bill. (Take a second to scratch your head over the fact that the State Superintendent of Public Instruction supports a bill that takes funding away from Public Education.) I listened to all of his testimony and was shocked to hear him say that "Public Education can't help every child". When questioned on the Constitutionality of the bill, he said that he had a "Constitutional Expert" who would speak on that later. When Dr. Bennet was done he left the room, clearly not interested in hearing what anyone else had to say. I can't remember the rest of his testimony, only that it didn't make any sense, and that the taste of vomit in my mouth stayed with me for the rest of the hearing.

The next person to speak was Rep. Behning, who authored the bill in the House of Representative's. Mostly he answered questions about the way the money works and what restrictions are in place for families to qualify for the vouchers. Two disturbing things came up during the discussion. The hair on the back of my neck stood up when Senator Leising told him that families in her area, who have already made the decision to send their children to Catholic School, are upset that they are not eligible for the Vouchers. (Although this statement did confirm for me that school choice already exists, it concerns me about what future amendments to this legislation, if it becomes law, would bring.) Then my skin began to crawl when Senator Leising began asking about how much money this voucher bill would save the State. (The vouchers will only be for a percentage of the tax money/per student that would normally go to a public school attended by that child. What percentage the parents receive to use for their student's tuition at a private school is determined by the parents income level.) The State has absolutely no business saving tax money that is supposed to be spent on the education of our children!

I listened to all of the supporters and I watched each of the Senators throughout the testimony. I was pleased to see them listening intently, occasionally communicating with an aide, but for the most part being mentally and physically present for the person speaking. There were some parents who came to talk about how their child was failing in public education and that they had received scholarship money to send their child to private school, where the child is now flourishing. (Further proof that school choice already exists without diverting our tax money.) The "Constitutional Expert" who stated that he was not, in fact, an expert but was an attorney, informed the committee that the issue of constitutionality had been ruled on by a US Supreme Court judge when looking at another States voucher bill. The ruling was that because the State was giving the voucher for the tax money to the parent, and it was the parents choice to give it to a religious institution, no violation of the Constitutions establishment of separation of Church and State existed. Representatives from the Archdiocese of Indiana and from a Christian School group both spoke and asked for leniency in regards to an amendment to HB 1003 which requires any school receiving tax voucher money to be ADA compliant. (You see, as a result of Separation of Church and State, religious institutions are not required to comply with the ADA unless they receive federal funding, which is why many churches and religious schools are not ADA compliant.) The representative from the Christian Schools actually asked for that amendment to be removed. (If I had hackles, they would have been raised.) If they pass this bill without that amendment, the system itself will be set up to allow institutions that are physically inaccessible to discriminate against children with disabilities!

The supporters hour of testimony, which began at 2:00pm, wrapped up at about 5:00pm with all supporters having testified. The Chair of the committee reminded us that the opposition had one hour, not including Q&A, informed us that there were more people testifying in opposition of the bill, and called the first person. The opposition was made up of attorneys, teachers, educators, parents, and me. I wasn't the only person present who was upset about our tax dollars being removed from the public schools. The point was clearly made that this bill does absolutely nothing to improve education for children statewide. The point was also made, by many, that our State Constitution clearly states "no money shall be drawn from the treasury for the benefit of any religious or theological institution." Which is far more specific wording that the language in the US Constitution, and makes the US Supreme Court's ruling pointless in Indiana.

As the opposition testified, I watched the Senators on the Committee as I had before. During the first person's testimony, two of the Republican Senators left the room, never to return. Throughout of the testimony of the first three in opposition of the bill several Senators began looking at cell phones and looking through files they had with them. While the third person was testifying, the Chair of the committee, Sen. Kruse, was flipping through a small book. After the first three were done the Chair of the committee took a moment to remind us that we only had an hour and informed us that the first three had taken up 26 minutes. (There were no statements like this during the supporters testimony.) Senator Kruse called my name to testify...

As I was getting up from the chair I asked if I could ask a question (I know, it's redundant) and he said yes. I asked if Dr. Bennet's testimony and Rep. Behning's testimony had been deducted from the hour that the supporters had to present. Sen. Kruse informed me that Dr. Bennet's had, and that Rep. Behning's had not. I told him that I didn't feel that it was very fair for the opposition to sit through all of the supporters testimony, including Rep. Behning's, and not be given extra time. Before he could respond I told them who I was, that I was not an educator or a parent, described how my attempts at communication had been treated by the House Republicans, and then proceeded to talk about why I opposed the bill. I told them that I was not willing to pay for someone else's kid to go to private school. I spoke about how they have no right to take my tax money away from my community and the fact that I've already watched one school in my neighborhood close. I spoke about what kind of impact school closings can have on property values. As I spoke I got angrier and angrier.

I began to lecture them sternly about how perception is reality and about what I had witnessed as I watched them "listen" to both sides. (As I spoke, the volume of my voice grew louder.) I pointed to the empty chairs and pointed to each Senator who had diverted their attention as the opposition spoke, telling them what I had watched them do when they were supposed to be listening to the people testifying. (I began to shake.) I reminded them that they work for the taxpayers and voters and told them that the perception created by their counterparts in the house, and their behavior that day, was that they are not interested in what the people have to say; that it was clear to me that they were voting based on the direction of their political party and our Governor. (My face became red and I'm pretty sure at least one vein started to pop out of my forehead.) I told them that regardless of a Supreme Court Judge's ruling the people's perception of the Constitution, both Constitutions, was that it ensured Separation of Church and State and that the bill should have been thrown out the day it was introduced in the House for being unconstitutional. (A little spit escaped as I spoke with more force.) I told them that I was appalled at the performance of our entire State Legislature and fed up with hearings about unconstitutional bills that do nothing to improve this State for all people and ended it by yelling "STOP WASTING MY TAX DOLLARS!"

One Senator applauded my bravery, and then Senator Buck (a sponsor of the bill) stated that as a tax payer I am one of their bosses and that as their boss I should have the decency to ask them questions about what they are doing before I establish a perception that "could cause me to lose my grip on reality". He then said that none of them were being told how to vote by the Republican Party or Governor Daniels. I was about to challenge this, what I wanted to say was "we both know that the Governor and the Republican Party want to see this bill go through, and that the republican party helps fund your political campaigns, so don't pretend that your not under any pressure", but then one of the Senators who had left the room earlier returned to his seat. The Chair of the Committee asked him to tell me where he had been. He looked rather stunned and told me that he had to go work on an issue that had to do with the Budget, and that it had to happen right then. A red light went off in my head, but I was so upset that the thought didn't form. I should have told him that the State Budget should have been finished by now and asked how he felt about the fact that a hearing on an unconstitutional bill was keeping him from finishing it. Instead I told them that the point I was trying to make was that a hearing about a bill that is unconstitutional is a waste of tax payer time and money and that they need to vote this bill down. I walked away, shaken and disturbed that I had lost control in such a public way. As I sat down one person asked where I was from, and another leaned over to tell me that they didn't think it had hurt our efforts to oppose the bill. The testimony continued.

When the person who testified after me was finished, Sen. Kruse announced that our time was up, but that there were still seven people on the list to testify, so he would stay to hear them and invited the other Senators to stay or leave as they wished. All Senators stayed to hear the remaining testimony. As I was leaving the Statehouse two people told me that I had done a good job. I felt like I had come across like a stark raving lunatic, but at least they decided to give the rest of the opposition a chance to speak, and appeared to pay attention to them.

For the last four days this experience has been running through my mind, all the things I should have said. I wish I had told them that if I wanted to donate to a private school I would, but that they have no right to make that choice for me by giving them my tax money; that it is up to The People to decide and that if they want to change the constitution to allow this use of tax money then they have to let us make the decision through a referendum. I wish I had told them to ask for Dr. Bennet's immediate resignation, as his testimony proved that his heart is not in Public Instruction, and that he should be releived of his role as State Superintendent of Public Instruction so that he could pursure his real interests. I wish I had handed a copy of the Indiana Constitution to Senator Kruse, or maybe Senator Buck, and asked one of them to read out loud the section of the constitution that says "no money shall be drawn from the treasury for the benefit of any religious or theological institution." I then would have asked them to tell me what the spirit of those words meant. What the author of the constitution, and those who signed it, were trying to protect. During Doctor Bennet's testimony Senator Rogers asked "is this a road we should go down?" I should have looked at her, told her how important that question was, and then told her that to find the answer all she needed to do was look at our State Constitution. The Indiana Constitution tells us that it's a road we shouldn't even be on. If they vote to pass this bill then it proves that our State Legislature no longer works for The People.

The Senate Education and Career Development Committee will vote on this bill early next week. Regardless of the political party you affiliate yourself with, if you believe that your tax dollars should stay within your community schools, if you believe that separation of church and state was written into both Constitutions for a reason, if you believe that the spirit of our Constitution should be upheld, if you believe that Legislators should not use loop holes do do what they want with our tax dollars, then please contact your State Senators and every member of the Senate Education and Career Development Committee before Wednesday 4/13/11 (that's this Wednesday). If this passes through the committee to the general assembly, please contact every Senator to inform that that if they vote to violate the Indiana Constitution without first changing the Constitution through a public referendum, then they prove that the Indiana Legislature no longer works for The People and that they have failed in the job they were elected to do.

Carry On...

2011-03-15T15:47:00.005-04:00

This year my birthday (March 13th, for those of you who didn't notice the post below) fell on Sunday. Now, I certainly would not have felt guilty had I decided to sleep in, rather than go to church, but like a glutton for punishment I decided to set my alarm for 7:30am on the day that we moved our clocks forward. (What was I thinking!) Thanks to the time change I only got about five hours of sleep!

At 7:30am when my alarm went off I awoke to the following verse, blaring out of my clock radio, by Kansas: Carry on my wayward son, There'll be peace when you are done, Lay your weary head to rest, Don't you cry no more... I lay quietly in the dark listening to the words of the song, wondering how I should take the fact that these were the first words to greet me at the dawning of my 36th year. Is it an omen of struggles yet to come, or is it a promise of a brighter future? Or, is it just a song...?

For a moment my mind flashed to the beginning of an episode of Supernatural where a cool classic rock song plays over the speakers, the word "THEN" flashes in red on the TV screen, and a recap of the series plays before your eyes until the word "NOW" flashes on the screen, the rock song ends, and the story moves forward. (Most likely this happened as my body and mind tried to drift back to sleep after barely getting 5 hours of rest.) I saw the high points and the low points of the last 36 years flash in front of me and then opened my eyes to the potential of the year to come.

I could not have asked for a better day. The weather was beautiful. Gray and cool in the early morning then evolving into a beautiful sunny day with a moderate temperature. There was even a strange symmetry between our Sunday school/group discussion and the beauty of the worship service. Both were focused on the inclusion of everyone, no matter our differences, in God's love. Which, (having survived what I did) I can tell you is real, and does not discriminate for any reason. (That kind of message in a sermon means a great deal to me.) Then, after church, I spent the day at my parent's house with Mom, Dad, Sarah (my sister), Madeline (my niece), and Jamie (one of my oldest friends). My 36th birthday was definitely a new highpoint.

The day after...not so much. Nothing went the way I expected. It wasn't a bad day, but there were a lot of obstacles that kept me from accomplishing any of the things I set out to accomplish. I had no reason to leave the house and had a very productive day planned, but then something happened around 10:30am that led to a trip to the store that then led to a trip to another store, that then led to...(I think you get the point). I wasn't able to relax again until after 6:30pm! I found myself thinking back to the first words I heard when this year of my life began...Carry On....

Happy Birthday, Jeremy!

2011-03-13T09:08:00.000-04:00

Hope you have a great birthday!!

Ice and Snow

2011-02-08T16:09:00.002-05:00

Last week Indianapolis got hit by one of the worst ice storms we've seen in years. Ironically, just a few weeks before the storm came some of my friends and I shared memories of the last big ice storm that hit in 1988. My friends reminisced about how horrible the storm was and how awful it was to be without power for several days. I, on the other hand, have fond memories of reading or playing card games by candlelight, how the ice covered trees sparkled in the sun the for several days, and spending time with Sarah and my Grandparents. (Mom and Dad missed the storm because they were on a cruise in the Caribbean at the time.)

This time around was a bit different. The morning before the storm hit, Mom called to see if I needed any supplies. Rather than have her drive to my side of town just to bring me some groceries I decided that it would be a good idea for me to make my own supply run. It's a good thing that I decided to do this myself, because that would be the last time that I would leave my house all week. The grocery area at Target was a mad house. I watched one woman grab six boxes of donuts, all at once, and add them to her already over flowing cart! The checkout lines stretched into the clothing section of the store. All I was buying was some juice, canned food, and some pharmacy items, so I decided to go back to the pharmacy to see if they would mind ringing me up there. As the staff in the Target pharmacy now know me by name they were happy to let me cheat and get around the busy checkout lines.

Sadly, the one thing I really needed, Ice Melt, was the one thing that Target had run out of first thing in the morning, so I was going to have to stop somewhere else for that. On the way out the door I struck up a conversation with a nice woman who was also heading to the parking lot. I mentioned to her that I was looking for salt to melt the ice and she directed me over to Marsh where they had plenty. I then headed home and prepared to be hermit for the rest of the week.

My friend Jamal came by that evening and spread the salt for me. Not sure the salt did any good, as even now there is about two inches of ice on my driveway, but the gesture was much appreciated. Several people called to check on me throughout the week, but I had everything that I needed and was happy to stay home. I'd like to say that I was really productive, but honestly I spent most of my time cuddling with my cats on the couch watching episodes of Psych over Netflix.

It was fascinating to watch the ice come down and gradually cover the world outside. The ice fell for two days growing thicker and thicker. I alternated between watching out my back door as it accumulated on the deck, and opening my garage door to see how thick it was on the driveway. That was as far as I could go. The morning after the storm had passed I awoke to a room bathed in sunlight. I immediately looked out the window to see the trees, covered in ice, sparkling brightly just as they had in 1988. In my heart I wanted to walk out into the neighborhood to observe it's ice wrapped beauty, but I know better than to take that risk, even with the ice tips (attachable cleats) on my crutches it would be too dangerous.

The week ended with snow. On Saturday I was amazed to watch the forecasted 1 or 2 inches of snow quickly turn into something closer to 6 inches! My neighbor was kind enough to shovel the snow out of my driveway, exposing the ice that is still there, but making it easier for me to get my car out. I struggled over the decision to go to church on Sunday, but decided that I had been home long enough and that it was time to rejoin the world. Several people commented that I was the last person they expected to see on Sunday, knowing that prosthetics and ice/snow don't really mix. Dad met me at the main entrance to the church, which was clear of any ice, and parked my car so that I wouldn't have to deal with the parking lot or sidewalks, otherwise I would have stayed home.

Snow usually doesn't cause much of a problem for me, but thick snow and ice certainly make things more difficult. Can I walk on ice and snow? The answer is yes, and I will if necessary, but I have to go slow and be very careful. I didn't stay home all week because I had to. I stayed home because it was the safest thing to do, and I enjoyed every minute of it!

Memories of Snow

2011-01-11T15:34:00.006-05:00

It's snowing. Has been all day. As I look outside my window I see three high school students walking down the unploughed street. The snow comes up higher than their ankles. They are laughing, walking casually, rather than rushing to get inside.

Oh how I would love to go for a walk in the snow! To see the world for a brief time all sparkling and new. To feel the freshly fallen snow crush under my feet and know that I was the first person to walk this path after the snow began falling. To be able to make a snow man, take part in a snowball fight, or spend an afternoon sledding. Such simple things that once upon a time created such carefree memories. It hurts to know that I will never experience those things in that way again.

Every time it snows I find my memory turning back to my high school spring break backpacking trips with Mark Hatfield. Every year we'd drive up to his family's cabin in northern Michigan. The weather would be brisk but comfortable, usually mid 40's or low 50's, the winter snow long since thawed. The first night we would prepare our gear, and then we would set out in the morning for a four night/five day hiking/camping trip. Inevitably, on the third night of our trip, snow would fall. This happened almost every year, we grew to expect it, but it usually wasn't enough to cancel the trip.

One particular year, when our friend Nathan Ferreira was with us, a bitter cold wind storm struck on our third night out. We were probably about fifteen miles north of the cabin in a heavily forested area. Luckily, we'd found an old hunter's blind that provided us with great protection from the wind, making it possible for us to enjoy a camp fire and prepare our dinner away from the tents. As we were bedding down for the night I could smell the hint of snow on the wind. The next morning we awoke to a strong snow storm that showed no signs of letting up. Over six inches had fallen during the night and it was continuing to pile up around us as we broke camp.

Knowing conditions were only going to get worse, we headed for the closest southbound road. Once out of the forest we were able to make better time with the sure footing provided by the snow covered but relatively flat surface of the road. The only drawbacks were that by abandoning the forest we lost the protection the trees provided from the wind, and visibility on the road was terrible. We were careful to stay close to the tree line in case any vehicles came by. Even with scarves, masks, and hats covering our faces the wind and snow bit at our skin. It got so bad that we had to take turns walking backwards just to get a moments relief.

Both breakfast and lunch that day consisted of frozen granola bars. The water in our canteens had frozen during the night requiring us to eat handfulls of snow to stay hydrated during the long walk. The physical exertion of the hike generated a lot of body heat forcing us to open our coats for brief periods, just to cool down.

We hiked for about ten miles before a Forest Ranger found us on the road. He had stopped by Mark's parents cabin earlier that day. Mark's Mother had told him that we were out in the storm, and that we knew how to take care of ourselves, but she gave him a general idea of the direction we had intended to hike and asked him to keep an eye out. He had been looking for us ever since. We piled into the back of his pickup truck and he drove us back to the cabin. Thirty minutes later we were enjoying hot chocolate around the Hatfield's wood burning stove. Two hours after that we were back out in the storm on the snow mobiles!

As I look out the window at the snow I think about that time in my life with fondness tainted by a bit of sadness from the knowing that such a happy memory can haunt me with such a sense of loss. Yet again I find myself faced with a choice. I can allow the loss to take me, or I can choose to immerse myself in the memory. I can relive the emotions, feeling once again the physical misery of being out in the cold coupled with the exhilaration of the adventure, the safety and camaraderie of friendship, the wonder at the ferocity of the wind and snow, and the comforting warmth upon returning to the cabin. That is the joy and the purpose of the memory. The choice should be clear, but to many it isn't. I choose to embrace the happiness that the memory brings. Choosing the happiness of the memory does not make the sadness go away, but it makes it bearable.

Growing Confidence...and Humility

2010-12-12T16:12:00.004-05:00

As you know, I walk on my prostheses every time I leave the house. Even though I've played with using one crutch quite a bit, and have toyed with walking around without using the crutches, for the most part I always use both crutches for safety and stability. For the past four years this has been my habit, even though I know I can walk with one crutch I've felt uncomfortable with the idea of leaving the second crutch behind.

About six to eight months ago (if I'm remembering correctly) I needed to stop at a post office to mail a package. I could have put the package in my shoulder bag to carry it inside, but decided it was a good opportunity to see if I could be functional (carry the package) while using one crutch. (I think I shared this experience in an earlier post.) I was able to carry the package inside, but quickly discovered while standing in line that without the second crutch it was hard to stand in place for any period of time. My back began to hurt from the pressure of standing, and I couldn't shift my weight to relieve the pain. By the time I got to the car I was shaking from the effort. Didn't try that again.

Then, maybe two months after that, I needed to drop a poster for the Wheel-A-Thon off at my Prosthetist's office. I didn't want to fold up the poster to fit it in my bag, and I knew I wouldn't be standing still for any length of time, so I decided to leave the second crutch in the car. (Plus, I knew this would make my Prosthetist happy!) The challenge this time would be stepping over a curb with one crutch, which I had never tried before. Sure, I could have walked around the car to the curb cut (ramped part of the curb), but that was a longer distance. So, I got out of the car and stepped over the curb onto the side walk. With a big sigh of relief that I hadn't fallen, and a huge grin of new found ability on my face, I walked into the entry of the office building to discover that my Prosthetist's office was closed for the day.

I slid the poster under his door and turned around to walk back to the car. Feeling pretty proud of myself for maneuvering over the curb, walking down the sidewalk, opening the exterior door, being able to bend over to slide the poster under the door, then exiting the building while only using one crutch I approached the curb. Stepping down off the curb was the part that worried me the most, but stepping up onto the curb had been much easier than I expected so surely stepping down wouldn't be a big deal either...right? I extended my crutch then stepped down with one foot...and damn near fell flat on my face. Luckily I was close to my car so I was able to catch myself on the hood of the car and stabilize before getting in. Back to using both crutches again and just playing with the single crutch and unassisted (no crutches) walking from time to time in a safe place, or when I want to show off.

For the rest of the year I have used two crutches in almost every situation, feeling comfortable with them, I haven't seen any reason to rock the boat. (Even after climbing the ladder and rocking the boat...literally) Towards the end of the fall I started noticing how much easier it had become to walk down different slopes. I could walk down my parents driveway with confidence, not having to consider every step. I began to trust my c-legs more and stopped taking timid steps in new places, simply believing that the micro-processor's in my knees would do their job and provide the stability I needed. I began moving faster and walking with more confidence.

On the second Saturday in November my sister Sarah and I went to the Colt's game. I was in my wheelchair for this event, because even using two crutches Lucas Oil Stadium is a big challenge, simply because of the crowds and the distances (plus I had never been to Lucas Oil Stadium and didn't know what I would need to deal with). However, I did take one crutch with me just in case I needed it. Mom and Dad dropped us off and picked us up so that we wouldn't have to mess with parking. When they brought us back to Sarah's house I found myself having to step off a curb with only one crutch for the third time. I asked Dad to stand nearby and, while touching his shoulder, was able to step down from the curb very easily. Dad even commented that he didn't feel me putting any weight on him what-so-ever. As long as there's something I can touch I'm fine, but if not, I lose my balance.

I didn't play with functional single crutch walking (like the trips to the post office or the Prosthetist's office) again until about a month ago. On the third Wednesday of November I got up early to get ready for the Mayor's Advisory Council on Disability meeting, like I do every third Wednesday of the month. On the way I stopped at a McDonalds drive-thru for breakfast, like I do every third Wednesday of the month. (I know, it's horrible for my cholesterol, but this my "3rd Wednesday of the month/I have an early meeting and don't get up early enough to include making myself breakfast" treat.) I also got myself a cup of coffee. Now, this is my routine for every 3rd Wed. of the month. I eat my sausage egg and cheese McGriddle in the car on my way to the meeting (anybody wondering how I'm able to do that while driving with hand controls?...I'm just that good...), and usually get a few sips of coffee in before I arrive. I then grab both of my crutches, leave the coffee in the car, and go into the building for an hour and a half to two hour meeting. I always return to cold coffee or a watered down beverage if get something cold.

Last month I decided that I wasn't going to let another cup of coffee go cold. I grabbed one crutch, got out of the car, turned around to get my coffee out of the car, closed the car door, stepped over the curb, walked to the door of the building (which conveniently enters straight into the meeting room), opened the door, entered, turned around and closed the door, then turned around to walk to the table, set my coffee down, pulled out my chair, and took my seat! Such a simple thing, but also a momentous occasion, as I felt less constrained by my disability than I had for a while. Of course, walking out I would have to deal with stepping off the curb again, but this time I purposely stepped down where I could touch the hood of my car at the same time. No balance issues as long as I'm touching something.

These two experiences gave me new motivation. At Thanksgiving I was able to walk around at Mom and Dad's house, carry my beverage of choice with me, and socialize with people rather than sitting in one place and waiting for them to come to me! Again, it seems a small thing, but the new sense of freedom from something so simple is almost over powering.

My confidence was so strengthened that the Sunday after Thanksgiving, while standing in Mom and Dad's kitchen, I decided to see if I could lift Madeline (my 9 year old Niece) up off the floor with my free arm. I bent down, wrapped my arm around her, and lifted her a few inches up. Rather pleased with myself I even took a few small steps while holding her up! That was more effort than it was worth, so I found a chair to sit in near the tree and we started decorating. Later, as I was getting ready to leave, Madeline came over to give me a hug. I was already standing, so I bent down like normal and gently gave her a hug, which is difficult with crutches, and not really much of a hug at all. (At least not from my perspective.) Since I was still using one crutch I decided to wrap my free arm around her again and pulled her to my chest. This time I stood up completely, and gave my 9 year old Niece the first real hug that I had given her, while standing, in five years! She didn't notice, but I had to blink back a little tear.

So, I've been feeling pretty confident about my ability to walk lately. Imagine how shocked I was to fall down for the first time in probably a year and a half! This past Friday I walked into a gas station to buy a snickers. The ground outside was wet from melting snow. I didn't have any issues outside but, as soon as I stepped into the convenience store I felt one of my crutches (I still use both on a day to day basis) slip on the floor. I recovered, walked to the counter, bought my snickers and turned around to walk out. As I was getting close to the door I felt one of my crutches slip on the floor again. I shifted my weight, and immediately felt the other crutch slide away, taking my remaining balance with it! I hit the floor hard, but only managed to break the skin on my knuckles. (Luckily, thanks to spending part of my youth learning Karate, I know how to fall without injuring myself too severely!) The Manager immediately rushed over, knelt down, and put his arms under mine to pick me up. I stopped him, mentioned that he hadn't asked if he could do that, and told he and another of his employees how best to help me up. As I walked out I found myself feeling pretty humble...the next day I would feel sore...but for that moment I was humbled by the fact that no matter how good I get with the c-legs there's always a risk of falling, and that maybe God didn't want me to eat that snickers bar...

Adaptability, and Funny Stories

2010-11-19T14:44:00.003-05:00

The past seven days have been extremely busy for me. It began last Thursday during the executive committee meeting for the Mayor's Advisory Council on Disability (MACD). This small group meets once a month to discuss any important business and set the agenda for the months full council meeting. Usually there are at least two individuals who need to be dialed in so that they can participate from home.

There are several disabilities represented among the members of the executive committee. Two members are blind, one member is deaf, one has diabetes, and several of us have mobility impairments. Normally there is a sign language interpreter present to allow easy communication, as many of us are not fluent in sign language. We were ready to start our meeting, but the interpreter had not arrived. I witnessed an amazing thing, as one of the members who is blind, who has some training in sign language, held the hands of the member who is deaf to feel her signs and attempt to translate for her. This worked to a limited degree, but his abilities were not sufficient to translate for the entire meeting. To get around this we brought in a lap top so that someone who was pretty good at typing could transcribe our discussion so that the member who is deaf could follow the conversation. The lack of a translator still limited her ability to easily give input, but when she had something to say we were able to figure it out.

In the middle of trying to sole the translation issue we placed calls to the two individuals who would be participating from home. One person answered, the other one didn't. Twenty minutes later, while we were in the middle of discussing some important council business, our conversation was interrupted by an automated voice that said "you have reached your recording limit..." We all looked around, confused about what this new interruption was. The fact that we received one persons voice mail had gone unnoticed as a result of the chaos that was going on while we tried to resolve the translation issues! As we all realized that we had left a twenty minute voice mail for one of the council members the tension in the room finally broke and we all started laughing. One member, the person with diabetes, was laughing so hard, and for so long, that several of us began worrying that something was wrong with his blood sugar. In the middle of a fit of laughter he took out his monitor and confirmed for us that his sugar was fine, he just really needed to laugh!

We were discussing some pretty important things that day, which we weren't able to reach full agreement on so, after going an hour over our planned meeting time, we wound up scheduling a second executive committee meeting for the following day. That meeting also ran long, but we were able to come up with a solution to the issues that we were struggling with.

My weekend was fast, but fun. My old roommate came over on Saturday, and between the two of us we reorganized my garage and attic. The garage usually gets some attention at least once a year, but the attic has needed some serious work for several years. (It's very aggravating to me to not be able to get into the attic. I really appreciate Jamie's willingness to spend several hours up there getting things straightened out.) On Sunday, Sarah and I went to the Colt's game. (Ticket's courtesy of the People's Burn Foundation.) This is the first time that I've attended an event at Lucas Oil Stadium, and I have to admit that I was very impressed with how easy it was for me to get around. I had no idea what I would be dealing with in regards to distances, so I used the wheelchair, which was a good thing because it allowed me to enjoy the event without being physically exhausted!

My week began with a Board of Director's meeting at accessABILITY. Thankfully that meeting ran short. Tuesday was spent trying to catch up on some personal things that I hadn't been able to focus on for a while. Wednesday was another big meeting day. Wednesday morning I left the house with plenty of time to get to my meeting, and it felt good to not be in a rush. Then, after I had driven about 5 or 6 blocks away from my house I realized that I had forgotten some thing that I needed for my meeting, and had to turn around. Luckilly I had left the house early enough, and hadn't gone too far, so turning around wasn't much of a problem. I still had time to hit a drive through for breakfast and coffee on my way to my first meeting of the day, which happened to be the full council meeting for the MACD. When I arrived I looked at my coffee, which I never have time to finish and it always gets cold because I have to leave it in my car (can't carry coffee when using two crutches), so this time I decided to see if I would be ok using one crutch and carrying the coffee inside with me. (I've never done this before.) I was able to shift my wieght, hold on to the coffee, and get the door to the meeting room open with very little difficulty. I just had to becareful when dealing with the door, and when I got to my seat. I can't express how great it felt to actually be able to enjoy my coffee instead of leaving it in the car!

During the executive committee I had mentioned to our liason to the Mayor's Office that I was having issues with the company that picks up my trash. It's not a major issue, because there are people who help me with this, but I was curious if anything could be done. You see, last fall my garbage man had seen me struggling to bring my garbage can up from the curb. He stopped the truck and helped me get it back to the garage. After that he started bringing the garbage can up to the garage every week after he dumped the trash. I called Waste Management (the company that picks up my trash) to let them know how much I appreciated this. Two weeks later that person was no longer on my route and I'm back to struggling to bring the garbage can in, or I leave it out there until my neighbor comes home from work and he brings it up. It's not a major issue, because I have help, but it is annoying.

At the full council meeting our liason to the Mayor's Office looks over at me and says. "I spoke with the Department of Public Works, have they called you about your solid waste?" Everyone in the room got quiet. Finally someone said "I don't think I want to know..." Our liason says "Jeremy's been having a problem with his can..." Everyone starts laughing. Once things quited down again I explained the situation.

After the MACD meeting was over I then headed to Wishard for a Burn Survivor Support Group. I was a little early, and was hoping that there might be some patients who would like to speak with me, but there weren't any patients who were ready for that yet, so I visited with some of the nursing and therapy staff. Always nice to see them.

When the support group was over I headed to accessABILITY to help pack up some of our materials (we're moving to a new building this weekend) and wait for my next meeting to begin. The day ended with a meeting to discuss Inclusion Fest and the Wheel-A-Thon. Some of you may remember the Wheel-A-Thon from earlier this year. It's our major fund raising event for the year. Well, in 2011 we are expanding the Wheel-A-Thon to include the "Inclusion Fest"! We intend to make Inclusion fest the premier disability awareness/education event in Indiana. If anyone is interested in volunteering to help with the planning and execution of these events, please let me know. In fact, accessABILITY needs volunteers to help with many different efforts, so if you are looking for a volunteer activity, please keep us in mind!

The past week has left me feeling exhausted. Yesterday was my first day home in a long time and I was so tired that I didn't get much accomplished. I have a tendency to forget how much energy it takes for me to walk (400% more energy than a person with both of their natural legs). It's important to remind myelf of that from time to time. Not to use as an excuse to do less, but so that I don't beat myself up for taking time to rest. Now, I have some other things that need to get done today, but I think I'm going to go catch up on some of the shows on my DVR instead...

Five Years On

2010-10-22T16:24:00.004-04:00

I'm sitting in a "library" inside a small Inn, on the edge of a small midwest university campus, located in a small town. I say "library" because that is what the room is called, but there are maybe three books, a bunch of empty display cabinets that look like they might have held books once, a chess set with missing pieces, a large fireplace with a cheap fire tool set that's missing the poker and the tongs, mismatched tired looking furniture, and a wooden floor that looks like someone dragged chains over it. The rooms walls are made to look like windows looking out into the lobby, but there's no glass in the window panes. The lobby carpet is hideous, and when you walk into the building you find yourself looking at a wall with a square four paned window (also missing glass) that looks into the front desk area. To your left is a quaint looking restaurant, and to your right is the library (where I'm now sitting), elevator, and also the front desk. In my peripheral vision I can see the front desk clerk, an older man with a long white beard dressed in flannel (basically Santa Clause in the off season) sitting behind a tall counter chewing on a toothpick and pretending not to be listening to my conversation.

"Well, Mr. Warriner, where do you see yourself in 5 years?" asks the very professionally dressed woman sitting across from me. She is Debra Lein, Vice President of Operations for Sodexo Conferencing.

It's a little after 9am. I'm exhausted from working the third shift at the Marriott Downtown in Indianapolis. I had been called in an hour early, worked an hour late, and had barely made it here in time. I'm here because I had given White Lodging and the Marriott Downtown almost five years of my life with almost no recognition. My boss didn't have half my experience and had been promoted because of who he knew and what relationships he had developed in the company - "politics". We'd lost all leadership on the third shift (11pm - 7am) and for the last six months I had been rebuilding the night audit team because I was the only manager who understood this part of the operation. Three weeks ago I had asked my boss to schedule the other managers (there were 4 of them plus multiple supervisors working the day and evening shifts) with me so that I could train them on this part of the operation and start a fair rotation. His response was to offer me the "Night Audit Manager" position and tell me that even if I didn't take it he wasn't putting me back on regular shifts. I'm here because that morning I went home and answered a blind job posting for a "Director of Operations" position.

Where do I see myself in five years? I ask myself as I look around the "library" of this weary looking Inn, having just learned that Sodexo had recently gotten the management contract from the university and that the university was financing a million dollar renovation of the property to make it a full service conference center, seeing the potential in the place and the company.

"Will your job be available?" I respond. Or, at least I hope I said something that cocky. Debra probably still has the notes. (Although, as it turns out, her job would have been available as she has since moved on as well.) After we finished the interview in the "library" we went on a tour of the Inn. We started at the front desk where Jack (Santa Clause) handed us a key (and by key I mean an actual metal key!) to a room on the second floor. We went up a short flight of steps, because the first and second floors were only accessible by steps, to room 201. I picked up some trash in the hallway. Debra proceeded to tell me about Sodexo's history as we entered the room. Bouncing on the balls of my feet I looked at Debra and said "keep talking, I'm very interested in what you're saying, but do you mind if I inspect the room? I'm dying to dig in."

That was in March of 2005. I got the job, started in May, and six months later (five years ago from today by date, tomorrow by day of the week) I would get out of bed and set foot on my bedroom carpet for the last time. I would feel a cat rub up against my legs for the last time. I would shower standing up, able to easily reach all parts of my body, for the last time. I would feel water running between my toes for the last time. I would brush my teeth and shave standing up for the last time. I would get dressed standing up for the last time. I would feel my socks and shoes on my feet for the last time. I would feel my pant legs for the last time. I would drive with my feet for the last time. I would feel the muscles in my knees, shins, and feet move and strain with effort of carrying a heavy object or climbing the stairs fast for the last time. I don't know if I stood bare foot in the grass that day, but I sure hope I did!

So much was lost that I try not to dwell on it, but the thoughts above actually started surfacing about two months ago. I don't dwell on it, but there's this underlying string of consciousness that wanders into those areas from time to time. When I started that job I never dreamed that five years later I would have learned to walk on a pair of microprocessor controlled prostheses, drive a car with hand controls (much safer than foot pedals, by the way), testified before a United States House of Representatives sub-committee as well as Indiana House and Senate committees, served on the Indianapolis Mayor's Advisory Council for Disabilities for two years, begun leading the Fund Development and Marketing committee for accessABILITY in addition to serving on it's Board of Directors, and would be working as a freelance inspirational speaker. Imagine how Debra would have reacted if I'd answered her question by telling her that! I'm still trying to make sense of it myself.

I've mentioned before that one of the most important lessons I've learned from the accident is to live in the hear and now rather than worrying about what's passed and can't be changed or things that haven't happened in the future. There's a song that I've become obsessed with over the past few days. The song, by Carrie Newcomer, is titled "Five Years On" and is the inspiration for the title of this post. It begins "Here I sit smack-dab in the middle, tomorrow is a crazy riddle, I wish I had a crystal ball, I wish I could see five years on. Like candle rockets you and I, oos and ahs and shouts and sighs, Is this the storm before the calm, I wish I could see five years on." To me the song speaks about the fear of the unknown future and the faith it takes to face it. I find myself hoping that the past five years have been the "storm before the calm". I also find myself feeling pressed for time out of a feeling that there isn't much time left, wanting to enjoy every moment in the hear and now, and shying away from long term projects and responsibilities.

That little gem of self awareness struck a few weeks ago when I was stressing over accepting responsibility for the new fund development/marketing committee at accessABILITY. Now that I understand why it was such a stressful decision I can better deal with the stress. This past Wednesday we hosted a reception at our new building in Irvington, which we can't move into until it's been renovated, but we wanted to introduce ourselves to the community. With the exception of a few short five minute breaks I was on my feet for about 4 hours! It was the first event since my accident where I socialized instead of staying seated in one or two places! Now, my butt has been sore for the last two days as a result of all that standing and moving, but I'm happy to know I can do it. If someone had asked me five years ago, after the accident, where I would see myself today, the outlook would not have been so bright.

Now I have a better understanding of myself and the world. Where will I be five years from now? I have absolutely no idea, but I know that if I stay positive, keep treasuring today, and move forward with my life I will be amazed by what happens between 10/22/10 and 10/22/15!

For those of you wondering how I'm spending the five year anniversary, last night I had a great dinner with Madeline and Sarah. Madeline made tacos! Tonight I'm enjoying a quiet night at home. Tomorrow morning I'll be driving up to Fort Wayne for my cousin Bob's wedding. Unfortunately the rest of the family couldn't make it, so I'll be driving up there alone. If you happen to see Mom & Dad, or Sarah & Madeline, and they seem a little stressed please tell them to calm down. I'm going to be fine. I refuse to allow the anniversary to have any more power over me than remembrance and reflection. Life goes on, there's no since in worrying about the past, or stressing over a future that is constantly in motion.

September 2010

2010-09-29T11:19:00.002-04:00

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a month since the last time I did an update. This time it's not because I couldn't think of anything to write. The delay was caused by a very busy schedule. The busier I get the more I value my personal time and I don't want to spend that time sitting in front of a computer.

September began with two trips to Dayton, Ohio, in the first week. The first trip, toward the beginning of the week, was a quick day trip to speak to the Dayton Rotary Club with Dr. Smith from CTS. The second trip, at the end of the week, was for an informational/fund raising reception at Dr. Smith's house. I attend these events to speak about being a tissue recipient, and the reality of the amazing gifts that come from tissue donation.

This month I also took on a new responsibility for accessABILITY - Center for Independent Living. I am now the chair of our new fund raising and marketing committee. Something that I'm pretty stressed about, because I really don't know the first thing about fund raising, but the committee is made up of a good group of people and we have a consultant involved as well. I've spent most of the month putting together the new committee, while working with a different team to start planning the 2011 Wheel-A-Thon.

Last week I had another trip to Dayton, this time to speak at a country club about the important service that CTS provides. Observing these receptions has been very helpful to me, as I hope to find people who are willing to host similar receptions for accessABILITY. Both organizations are not well known and I've witnessed the impact these receptions are having on the people who never knew what CTS does. I'm hoping to achieve the same thing for accessABILITY.

This past Friday night I had the pleasure of helping my friend Micheal Moros with the "mock" service training at his new restaurant, Micheal's Southshore. (The food and service was great. The restaurant officially opened for business on Monday.) On Saturday morning I drove down to Bradford Woods for the annual Adult Burn Survivor retreat. (Normally I would have gone down there on Friday night, but I just couldn't pass up on the free food at Michael's!) The retreat was emotional, as always, but I always feel more energized afterwards.

Unfortunately that energy was short lived. On Monday morning I woke up with some pain in my lower abdomen. I thought I was just constipated, but I was very wrong. I'm not going to go into the gory details... I'll just say that the pain steadily worsened until I finally called Mom a little before noon and asked her to take me to the ER at St. Vincent's. I was in excruciating pain for most of the day until the ER Dr. could see me. After he diagnosed what he was pretty certain would be a stone he had the nurse give me some pain killers through an IV and I finally felt relief! A CT scan confirmed that I do indeed have a 5mm kidney stone gradually trying to make it's way out. I've never experienced this before and it's definitely not fun. I haven't had anymore pain since Monday afternoon, but the stone still hasn't passed, so every time I pee, I pee in fear. I do not want to feel something that big making it's way out of my body! Maybe I'll be lucky and it will dissolve before that happens. Keep your fingers crossed!

Climbing a Ladder

2010-08-31T12:30:00.001-04:00

In my post about the family vacation to Bellingham, WA, I talked about going on a whale watching trip, and mentioned the "great experiment" to see if I could get on to the boat's top observation deck. I didn't go into detail about how I got on top of the boat because there was just so much more to tell about our trip to Bellingham. There were several "firsts" for me during the trip, and this is one that definitely deserves a little more attention.

The boat was very similar to a large water taxi. You board from the back of the boat and walk in to an enclosed compartment that runs most of the length of the boat with 6 to 8 booths with tables that run along the windows. As you look forward you see a few narrow steps that lead to the wheelhouse, and then from there you have the option of going forward to the observation area on the bow of the boat (where it can get very wet) or climbing a stair-stepped ladder to the observation deck on the top of the boat (directly over the compartment below).

As we sat down and I took a good look around the boat I realized that I wouldn't be able to get to either of the observation areas. I was really looking forward to seeing the whales, if we found any, but I hadn't realized that I would be limited to seeing them from inside the boat instead of out on the deck. I should have stayed quiet, but I commented on the fact that even if we found some whales I probably wouldn't get a good look...bad move...the wheels in Dad's head started turning. :)

The wheels in my head started turning as well. I found myself studying the first obstacle that I would have to overcome if I was even going to try to get out to the observation decks...the ascent to the wheelhouse. The steps were too narrow for me to fit more than the toes of my feet on them, and they weren't wide enough for me to get both feet on one step at a time. Even if I managed to get up to the second step, which was the top step, I would still have to find a way to maneuver my legs over the wide lip at the top of the steps that separated the wheelhouse from the passenger compartment. Then, once passed that I could only see the bottom steps of the ladder to the top deck. I considered the observation deck on the bow, but the Captain had already said that standing up front could be like taking a shower because of the spray coming over the bow. Water and C-Legs don't mix, so there would be no place to go unless I could get up the ladder. I was still pondering this when the boat stopped in Friday Harbor to let us off for lunch.

Unbeknownst to me, before Dad got off the boat he spoke with the crew about the possibility of getting me on to the top observation deck. The crew seemed to think that it would be possible if the boat was sitting still, and they were more than willing to help. So, when we returned from lunch we decided to give it a shot.

Once on the boat I went straight to the steps to the wheelhouse. I tried going forward, but there just wasn't enough room for me to mount the steps safely. There was a vertical bar running from floor to ceiling on one side of the steps for me to hold on to, so I used that to get some leverage and managed to position one foot sideways on the top step and pull my self up. From there I could see into the wheelhouse, which had an opening above the door with good hand holds to either side, so I twisted so that my back was to the opening and reached up to the handholds. With the Captain's permission I then lifted myself up and over the lip to stand in the wheelhouse. The Captain and I had a brief chat while I caught my breath and started working out how I would handle the ladder.

This was a big deal to me. I've wanted to climb a ladder ever since I lost my legs (Funny, the things you miss when you realize that you won't do them again). This ladder had sturdy handrails on either side of it, and it was permanently mounted to the boat, so I wasn't worried about it's stability, but the gentle sway of the boat on the water certainly gave me something to worry about. Regardless, I was going to give it a try. I tried going backwards, but the hand rails were to thin for me to get the right grip to lift myself up step by step. So I tried going forward.

I could get myself up on the first step, but unfortunately there was no way for me to bend my knee, place my foot on the next rung, and then straighten my knee to raise the lower foot up. I cannot express how maddening it is to think what you should naturally think climb a ladder, and then look down and see nothing happening. So, I had to ask my father to bend my knee back and, as I lifted my leg from the hip, place my foot on the next rung. Then I had to push back against the ladder to straighten the bent leg, which also resulted in putting my weight way out away from the ladder. (Not fun!) We repeated this procedure until I was at the top and able to stand up. (Luckily the observation deck was only about 6 feet up from where I came out of the wheelhouse, or else my Dad wouldn't have been able to bend my knees for me!)

Once at the top I realized one more problem. My crutches were still down below! This turned out to be a minor issue, as the Captain quickly grabbed them and handed them to some other tourists who were already up there. Now, that's something that I wasn't really willing to try more than once, so I stayed on the top of the boat until after we had found the whales and spent some time watching them. Going down was so much easier. Still a little nerve wracking, but the stairs were so narrow that I was able to brace myself between the hand rails and kind of slide down.

It's amazing, the things we take for granted. I always enjoyed getting out the ladder to climb into the attic above my garage. (A part of my house that I haven't seen for almost 5 years.) I was never afraid of heights. In high school I once climbed a long extension ladder, standing on top of an industrial dumpster, braced against the side of a building, in an effort to get on top of the building to rescue Ben Hinkle's limited edition frisbee that had caught a strong air current during an ultimate frisbee game. The ladder was about two feet shy of the top of the building, but I still managed to get up there, find the frisbee, and climb back down! Looking back that was probably pretty stupid...I risked my life for a frisbee that belonged to a friend that I haven't heard from since college...but I'm glad that I have the memory. While I do wonder if I'll ever be able to climb a ladder without needing someone to work my legs for me, at least I know I can do it with support!

Returning to "Normal" (with some improvements)

2010-08-15T16:02:00.008-04:00

Since returning from Vancouver life has gotten back to normal, or at least as close to any kind of "normal" my life can be said to have. The down side is that there isn't really anything "exciting" happening for me to write about, which is why I left the last post up a little longer than I should have. The up side is that this update won't be nearly as long as the last two! (I've received some comments about the fact that the last two updates were more like chapters in a book(ahem...Beth Ann), so I'll try to be more brief...)

The rest of July and the beginning of August have continued to be quite busy. I had a few more speaking engagements, including one particular evening where I spoke to three different classes at IUPUI on the same night! (All in rooms right across the hall from each other.) I also had the honor of participating in a panel discussion at the ADA Summit (held at the Indiana Government Center) about how the Hospitality and Entertainment industries in Indiana have embraced the spirit of the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act, not to be confused with the American Dental Association) (really, some people have been confused by this..?). That particular event was part of Indiana's celebration of the 20th anniversary of the ADA. It was a huge honor to be asked to participate in the discussion!

As I've said before, it's important to find time for the personal side of your life as well. Our family reunion was a few weeks ago, and it was great to see everyone. When I arrived it was a delight to be greeted by a cousin who lives near Washington, DC. The last time that I had seen her and her family was during my visits to DC last year and I had no idea that they were going to be here for the reunion! Dad and I spent a great afternoon painting my garage door, and Dad had actually spent the whole day (one of the hottest days of the year) working on the trim. (This was one of those projects that had been on my mind for years.) The next day Mom and Dad both came over and Mom and I gave the garage door a second coat while Dad worked on the rest of the trim. Once we were finished with the garage door Mom went to town on the back yard. (When she was finished the yard looked so beautiful that I could barely recognize it. Of course, it pales in comparison to her magical garden!)

With the help of some great friends I've also found the time to get another one of those "long-term" projects knocked off the list. Last weekend I finally found the time (and the weather) to clean and seal my deck. Two years ago several friends and family members helped me build a deck so that I could get use of my yard again. Unfortunately I never got around to sealing it. It should have been done last year, but I never found a period of time where the weather conditions were right and I didn't have anything else occupying my time.

This year I've been watching the weather like a hawk and I was finally rewarded with a relatively dry period. I made some quick calls and was able to find all of the help I needed. My friends James and Nate (plus Nate's kids) helped me clean the deck on Friday night. (The funniest part being when James was slowly backing my wheelchair up the ramp while I was spraying the cleaner on the deck!) Then James came back on Saturday to help me paint the sealant on, and our friend Jamie joined in.

With these two projects done I thought I should show you some pictures. Unfortunately I didn't have any before pictures of the house (the trim pretty much matched the siding, and it was in pretty bad shape, most likely the original paint.) There is one before shot of the deck. (Taken in an earlier season, but you get the idea...note the black cat, who I think may be the mom or dad of the kitten (Jasmine) that I took in last year. It shows up on the deck every couple of weeks and just stares at the back of the house...creepy...) Hope you enjoy the rare peek at my "sanctuary"! (...please make comments...yes, I know the grass needs to be cut...)

(OK, so it's still long, but at least it's shorter than the last one!)

A Prosthetic Leg, A Notepad, & A Vancouver Map

2010-07-21T11:30:00.010-04:00

What do these three things, a prosthetic leg, a note pad, and a Vancouver map, have in common? Well, if you've been reading this blog for a while you know I'm not going to answer that question right away, but I promise it will become clear as we continue on with the story. This post is about my trip to Vancouver, BC, which happened only one week after we got back from our trip to Bellingham, WA! Bellingham is about 90 miles south of Vancouver, so a better title for this post might have been "There and Back Again" (meaning the Pacific Northwest) but I think that title has already been used by someone else. (Can any one guess what I'm referring to?)

So, if you read my last post then you know that my family (Mom, Dad, my Sister Sarah, my Niece Madeline, and I) returned home from our week in Bellingham, WA on Tuesday, July 6th. (We were supposed to get back on Monday July 5th, but that's all covered in the last post.) What you don't know is that on Monday July 12th Dad and I got on a plane to go to Vancouver, BC. I had been invited to the American Association for Justice annual convention (which was held in Vancouver this year) to receive an award for my efforts to protect product liability victims during the Auto-Industry Bankruptcies. Mom and Dad both really wanted to see me accept the award, and I was happy to have them along, but there was too much happening here for Mom to get away so it wound up being just Dad and I. We flew on Air Canada, and I've got to admit that the airline really impressed me on the flights to Vancouver.

For the most part everyone was very nice and accommodating to my special requests. Again, I faced the issue of not being able to book a bulkhead seat in advance, but they made it happen without argument on each flight. In order to get to Vancouver from Indianapolis we had to make a connection in Toronto. the plane from Indy to Toronto wasn't very big and I had a suspicion that we would have to climb down stairs to get off the plane in Toronto. I asked the Flight Attendant about it as we boarded and she said that she would see what they could do about getting a skybridge when we landed. I'm pretty sure that they actually diverted our plane to a part of the Toronto airport that was currently shut down so that I wouldn't have to climb down the stairs!

Well, it was the first time that either my Father or I had flown internationally and we were a bit lost as we made our way through customs, but the Air Canada staff was very helpful and made certain that we knew where we were going. I really didn't expect to have to pick up my bag before going through customs and then check it back in again. That was very confusing. As we checked in for our connecting flight we learned that it had been delayed about 30 minutes so we decided to have lunch. After lunch we learned that out flight had been delayed another 3 hours! Eventually we boarded a much larger plane and flew to Vancouver. We got there late, but at least it was still Monday, the day that we planned to arrive!

The pictures that are posted above show the general area of Vancouver where we were during our brief stay. One is of the view of the city from my hotel room (I tried to minimize my reflection in the window, but you can still see my right shoulder). Another is a view of the city, some of the harbor, and the mountains beyond as seen off to the side of my hotel room (no reflection issues here). There's a shot of the hotel where I stayed, the Pan Pacific Vancouver, which looks like a massive ship. It sits right on the harbor and the Alaskan Cruise ship actually docks at the hotel! There's a picture of the clouds at sunset over the city, and also a picture that was taken at night. It's kind of difficult ti tell what you're looking at, so I'll tell you, it's a Chevron Gas Station that sits out on the water for boats and sea planes!

On Tuesday Dad and I attended the AAJ Awards luncheon. I was this years recipient of the Steven J. Sharp Public Service Award! This one of the AAJ's most prestigious awards that is given to an attorney and client whose case represents the importance of the American Civil Justice system. Winning this award is a tremendous honor for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that it was named after a young man who lost both of his arms in an accident caused by a defective tractor/hay baler. Imagine that, a guy who lost both of his legs in a defective Jeep Wrangler winning an award named after a guy who lost both of his arms in a defective tractor/hay baler! I wonder if his hay baler was made by Chrysler?

As Dad and I were getting ready to leave my hotel room and head down to the awards luncheon I became aware of the fact that my right leg was getting very loose. This is pretty amazing because my residual right leg has not fluctuated in size in a very long time. For some reason it decided to shrink in Vancouver. I really wanted to walk to luncheon and leave my wheelchair in the room, but the socket had become so loose on my leg that I couldn't risk it unless I found a way to tighten the socket up before I left the room. You see, with the old socket system I could put on a sock to tighten things up, but that never worked very well. With the suction socket system a sock isn't an option.

The socket consists of a flexible inner socket made of some kind of plastic, and a rigid outer socket made of carbon fiber. One quick fix to tighten the socket up is to find something thin that you can slide down between the flexible socket and the rigid socket. I have a couple of leather pieces that I use when my left leg starts to shrink, but those were already in use, so it was time to get creative. The only things that we could find that would come close to working was a notepad and a tourist map of Vancouver from the desk in the room. I can honestly say that without that notepad and Vancouver map my right prosthetic leg wouldn't have been tight enough for me to rely on as I walked up the stairs to the stage to accept the award!

When I first heard that I was getting this award I didn't feel very deserving, because my case and the cases over over 1300 other product liability victims still haven't been heard in court and may never be, but as I listened to my introduction I began to understand. I had forgotten about the larger issue that Chrysler had originally been freed of responsibility for any future injuries caused by defects in vehicles that were sold pre-bankruptcy and GM originally intended to ask for the same freedom. Ultimately GM dropped that from their bankruptcy and Chrysler accepted responsibility for the future injuries, even though they had been relieved of it during the bankruptcy. I refuse to accept full credit for that, but I was a part of the fight. Then, after the gentleman who introduced me was done, they played a video of Congressman Carson talking about me, how we came to meet, and how I inspired him to introduce the Jeremy Warriner Consumer Protection Act, the only legislation that has been proposed to give the approximately 1300 of us who were left behind our day in court. Finally I began to understand and feel comfortable accepting this award.

As I approached the steps to the stage the audience stood up to applaud. I climbed the steps and shook hands with the gentleman who was presenting the award to me, and then walked toward the podium. The standing ovation was continuing, which I was very thankful of because it gave me time to catch my breath and calm my emotions as much as possible. I took a few breaths and waited for the audience to quiet down...they were still applauding...I smiled...still applauding...I was going to wait them out but finally decided that I need to do something...still applauding...I walked up to the podium and said "Thank You"...the applause began to die down and the audience began to take their seats.

I spoke for about 2 to 3 minutes, I tried to be brief (anyone who knows me knows that it's damn near impossible for me to be brief), and I honestly can't tell you what I said other than ending it by thanking the AAJ for helping me find my voice. I then walked back down the steps and took my seat between my Father and Jeffrey Toobin (the legal analyst from CNN, and author, who gave the keynote speech for the luncheon). The awards ceremony was beautiful, entertaining, and inspiring. It truly was a tremendous honor just to be in that room, let alone being given an award myself and being allowed to speak to approximately 1600 attorneys about my favorite subject - me. (Well, ok, my favorite subject is Star Wars, but that probably wouldn't have been as applicable in this situation!)

After lunch Dad and I went to the Fairmont Vancouver, where he was staying. (Yes, we stayed in different hotels, it's better that way...actually it's because his trip was planned after mine, and the AAJ took care of all of my arrangements.) It was fascinating for me to be in that hotel, which was originally the Hotel Vancouver, which opened at the end of the Great Depression. What a beautiful historical hotel! Dad was especially impressed by the length of the hallways which "reminded him of a scene from the shining". Dad changed into some casual clothes, grabbed his swimming trunks, and then we headed back to my hotel where we then spent the afternoon lounging and swimming in their outdoor heated salt water pool. Very relaxing...once you got passed the screaming kids whose mother had obviously given up.

The next day, Wednesday, July 14th We both got up early and met at my hotel at 6am to head to the airport for our flight home. Again, we were connecting through Toronto. The morning flight was uneventful and we landed in Toronto early. I made the mistake of thinking that things were going smoothly, because when we got off the plane and asked the gate Attendant where we needed to go to catch our connection we learned that our connection to Indianapolis had been cancelled! We were sent to seven different places to ultimately be told that we would have to stay at the Crowne Plaza Toronto Airport for the night and fly home in the morning. (This was the point that my opinion of Air Canada began to change. I wasn't angry about the connection being cancelled, stuff happens, but I was angry about being sent to seven different places in the airport before it was finally taken care of!) I tried to convince Dad to fly to Chicago and rent a car, but he wasn't into that big of an adventure.

We had quite an adventure getting our bags back, because they were in the American Customs area and we would have to go through American Customs to get our bags and then back through Canadian Customs to get our bus to the hotel if we wanted to have our bags for the night. Dad and I talked a customer service person into getting our bags for us, but in order to get them we had to go down several levels, through an automatic door that was meant to be an exit, not an entrance (so we had to wait for people to come out and then go through before the doors closed), and then wait for the bags to appear on a bag carousel that was for an arrival from London! Very confusing and frustrating process!

That night, during dinner, we met a young woman who was travelling home to Indiana after spending two months in Spain. She was supposed to be on the same flight that we were on and Air Canada had put her up at the Crowne Plaza as well. The next morning she was on the same bus to the airport (which, by the way, I was able to climb onto the bus without assistance! That doesn't mean it was easy, I was just stubborn!) with us and we invited her to come with us as we made our way from the check-in counter, through customs, through security, and ultimately to the gate. Thanks to the benefit of my wheelchair we were able to get through all of that in under 15 minutes!

Once at the gate I became aware of the fact that we were at ground level and there was no sign of a sky bridge or ramp to get on the plane. Once a gate attendant finally arrived I approached her to ask how I would get on the plane. She looked at me with big eyes and said she wasn't sure and started working on the problem. She informed me that Air Canada had not communicated that I was on the flight, so she hadn't had time to order the lift. (My opinion of Air Canada dropped a bit further.) She was working to see if they could get a lift quickly and I asked if I could go ahead out to the plane to see if I could get aboard without the lift. She said "sure" and had someone from the ground crew come in to escort me out. I figured out how to get up the stairs on the door of the plane and was delighted to find the Flight Attendant from my first flight of the trip waiting at the top of the stairs! We laughed about that, and then I went back down the stairs and back into the terminal to let the Gate Agent, my Dad, and our new travel companion know that all was good. A short while later we were in the air!

We landed in Indy with no trouble, said good bye to our new friend, and then headed home for a much needed nap! Thank goodness I'm not travelling for a while. Two trips to the Pacific Northwest in the last three weeks about did me in. While we were out there I was amazed by the natural beauty of that part of the world. One evening while enjoying dinner at an outside restaurant overlooking the mountains and the harbor Dad admitted that he couldn't help but wonder "why we live in Indiana" and I had to agree, but after so much travel, I can honestly say that I'm happy to be, as the song says, "back home again in Indiana"!

The Family Vacation (or A Lesson in Patience)

2010-07-11T17:54:00.006-04:00

Since as far back as the beginning of the year I've become keenly aware of how much better I'm moving. It's not that anything has gotten easier, I don't want to give the impression that anything about being an amputee is "easy", but I have become much more comfortable as an amputee which has an impact on the way I move and the things I'm willing to do. I wanted some time traveling this year, so the first plan was for the whole family to go to Bellingham, WA for the music festival that my Uncle Michael conducts every year. He founded the Bellingham Festival of Music around 17 years ago, and Mom and Dad have attended it in the past, but Sarah, Madeline, and I had never been.

Getting there required a great deal of patience as well as a very long day. If you've ever flown east to west through several time zones then you know what I mean. We left Indianapolis at 6:45am and landed in Seattle around 10:00am even though we'd been travelling for at least 5 to 6 hours. Which, of course meant that we were all ready to go to bed when it was dinner time. For the most part our flights to Seattle were uneventful. The only issue for me was getting the bulk head seat on the plane that I need (due to the length of my prosthetics). When I called within the 24 hours prior I was told they could not assign bulkhead seats early because those seats are "held for people with special needs and can only be assigned at the ticket counter on the day of the flight". (My "special needs" also prevented my family from being able to pre-assign their seats online the night before.)

We arrived at the airport at 5am but all of the bulkhead seats had been assigned. When I explained that I had been promised that those seats were held for people with "special needs" the Ticket Agent said she could move someone, but that my family wouldn't be able to sit with me, which was just fine by me. I wound up sitting next to a very nice man and his daughter. His wife had been separated from them so that I could have the seat I needed. They were very nice about it, but it still bothered me to separate them, even for the length of the flight, so that I could be accommodated. As the flight was taking off I asked them if they had requested the bulk head seats for any particular reason. The man looked at me and said that they hadn't asked to be in the front row, where they sat didn't matter to them. I looked across the aisle at the other row of bulk head seats and realized that there were three teenagers who were part of a larger family with their Mom and Dad in the row behind them. None of them appeared to have any kind of mobility impairment, or issue that would require them to be up front. Midwest/Frontier Airlines obviously didn't follow through on what they told me over the phone and when we made the reservations. I could continue to rant about this, but I think I'll save that for another time.

Travelling can be very frustrating, even when most things are going fine. Dad rented a full size car for our visit. It was a very comfortable Cadillac with seat warmers and individual climate controls. (very comfy) Unfortunately it also was very difficult to get our luggage plus my wheelchair into the trunk. The look on my fathers face as he was trying to put the puzzle of luggage and wheelchair parts together was enough for me to know that any suggestions I had would just frustrate him further, so I went up front to mess with the GPS. Sarah and I were doing this together, and neither of us use a Garmin (Dad got it for Christmas) very often and we kept hitting the wrong button. This led to a funny moment where we had to enter the address 3 or 4 times before we got it right! Dad calmed down after we got out of the airport garage (it was all very confusing) and then we were on our way to Bellingham, about an hour and a half north of Seattle. It was a beautiful day to travel.

The pictures above and the time spent as a family (not pictured) throughout the week was well worth the long day of travel. We went Whale Watching on the second day, which was great fun and we did see a family of Orca's and some Mickey's (smaller whales), but I also managed to catch a pretty bad cold while sitting on the top observation deck exposed to the cold wind. It was a great experiment to see if I could get up there and, with the help of my father and the boat crew I was able to make it, but once I was up there I wasn't coming down until the boat stopped again. The cold persisted for the rest of the week but I was able to keep it undercontrol with sudafed and nyquil. Even with the cold, something about the Pacific Northwest allowed me to wake up refreshed every morning. I really enjoyed being there!

In the pictures you can see the view from my Aunt Jean's deck on Decatur Island and Decatur Island as viewed from the water taxi (her house is on the smaller of the two peaks/highpoints on the island). I have to say that after the accident I never thought I would set foot on Decatur Island again! (More on that in a future post.) There's also a picture of my Uncle Mike in the first rehearsal for the festival, a picture of the view from my hotel room at sunset with Orcas Island glowing in the background, and a picture of me walking, quite literally in the clouds, on Mt. Baker. On the Fourth of July we drove as far up the mountain as we could until the road was closed due to snow. It was a cloudy day and the whole experience had an otherworldly feel. I kept looking for mythical creatures like Hobbits, Dwarves, Elves, and Dragons! (Not really, but a dragon would have been perfect for the setting, after all, Mount Baker is a volcano.)

The 4th was our last night in Bellingham, so we opted for a nice dinner instead of Uncle Mike's proposed cookout in the park. We ate in a beautiful little restaurant called Cliff House, that overlooks the Bellingham Harbor. From there, as the sun set, we were treated to early amature fireworks displays. We watched the city fireworks from a terrace at Western Washington University. (A very funny story happened here, but I'm going to save that due to time and space. However, to whet your appetites I will tell you that it involves two strangers, one with autism, and the a discussion about legalization of marijuana.) Again, patience was a virtue as we arrived about an hour early to secure a good spot near the wall of the terrace. The fireworks were amazing.

The next morning (Mon. 7/5) I awoke at 7am prepared to start what would soon turn into one of the longest days of my life, hence forth know as "the travel day from hell." We had a great breakfast as a family before we left Uncle Mike to enjoy Bellingham without us (he'll be there for two or three more weeks). Then we headed south to Seattle. We got to the airport between 12 or 12:30pm for our 2:42pm flight to Denver, where we would connect to Indianapolis. In the original plan we were supposed to arrive home at 11:45pm Monday night. It is here that everything fell apart. We stood in line to check-in, again because I need a bulkhead seat and they wouldn't assign it in advance, for quite a while without moving very far. This wasn't a big issue because we had plenty of time and Dad was still in the process of returning the rental car. Then we found out that we had a lot more time than we thought.

Someone from the Midwest/Frontier desk announced that the flight to Denver had been delayed. It would not be taking off until at least 5:50pm, which was about 10 minutes before our connection in Denver would be leaving for Indy. (Very frustrating, unnerving, and boring all at the same time!) Eventually we got to the ticket counter and the ticket agent, who was actually kind of nice, began working on finding a way to get us home. It took at least an hour, seemed like 3, for her to get us transferred to an American Airlines flight that departed Seattle at 11:45pm (Which is three hours later than when we supposed to arrive in Indianapolis, so more like 3am for us) landed in Chicago around 6am, where we then connected to Indy and finally landed here at 8:40am on Tuesday the 6th. To be honest, spending the day in the airport wasn't really that bad. I had time to finish Twilight (yes, I finally broke down and started reading the series), which seemed a fitting book to read while in the pacific Northwest, but as the day wore on my cold started to get the better of me. I tried not to be too whiny, but I believe that I was still a test for the family's patience as every little thing that wasn't right started to bother me.

The hardest part of the day for me came as the first flight began to descend into Chicago. The congestion from my cold had made my ears clog up when we took off and I hadn't been able to pop them successfully. As the plane descended the pressure began to affect my ears more and more. It got a point where I was shaking my head, plunging my ears with the palms of my hands, yawning, rocking back and forth, and pounding on my leg to keep from screaming (good thing Mom and Dad were next to me on this flight, because a perfect stranger would have been really freaked out!) After I got home I quickly unpacked and then went to bed for a few hours. I got home at 10:00am, was in bed at 10:30am, and then back up at 12:30pm to get ready for speech at Marian College.

It wasn't until I was driving to the speech that I realized I had worn my prosthetics for more than 24 hours! That's just crazy. I've been pretty tired most of this week, which was filled with meetings and appointments, but I have to say the vacation was definitely worth it!

A Comedy of Errors

2010-06-18T12:29:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I spent the day in Dayton Ohio. I was there to do a video segment for the Community Tissue Services, that they will use for promotional purposes. Early in my recovery, while I was still in a medically induced coma, donor skin was grafted to both of my residual legs. Those grafts allowed my tissue to begin healing, protected me from further infection, and helped prepare my wounds to accept future grafts of my own skin. Community Tissue Services was responsible for harvesting, prepareing, and delivering the donor skin that helped save my life.

We planned to start the filming at 9am on Thursday, so I drove over to Dayton (2 hours east of Indianapolis) on Wednesday night. I stayed at the a hotel in Dayton that is part of a well known brand. This is where the comedy begins. As I arrived there were several cars parked in their front drive apparently witing for the Valet to park them. I found an out of the way place to park my car and asked one of the Valet Attendents about accessible parking. He told me that I could either have them park my car, or park it on my own in the garage next door to the hotel. Parking on my own sounded like a longer walk than I was up to, so I asked if their valet drivers were trained in hand controls, knowing that they wouldn't have that training. He was very accommodating and said that I could leave the car where I had parked it for the night. then I went inside.

In the lobby I was next in line to check in, but it seemed like the people in front of me were taking a long time to check in. While waiting other guests arrived to check in behind me. After a few moments one of the Desk Clerks announced that they were having problems making keys. I gave it a little more time and could see the frustration rising for the staff and the guests who were waiting, so I moved over to the desk and asked if I could suggest a solution. That solution being that they get the guests checked in and have a staff member with a master key escort us to our rooms. The Desk Clerk that I spoke to thought it was a good idea, checked me in, got a master key from the Maintenance guy, and then she came around to help me get my luggage from the car and escort me to my room.

When I got to the room it was the non-smoking king that I had asked for, but the arrangement seemed a little strange for an accessible room, which I had been garaunteed when I made the reservation. I was tired, and possibly a little ditracted by the attractive Desk Clerk, so I made the mistake of not checking out the bathroom before she went back downstairs to see if my keys were ready. I sat down and called my parents to let them know that I was finally in my hotel. While I was on the phone with Dad the keys to my room arrived. When I finished my conversation with Dad I finally went to check out the bathroom. It wasn't large enough for my wheelchair to fit, and there was no hand held shower head in the bathromm...not an accessible room.

I called the front desk and spoke with the same attractive Desk Clerk who had helped me before. She was very apologetic and moved me as quickly as she could. Unfortunately the only accessible room they had was a smoking room with two double beds. It wasn't ideal, but it would have to do. This time, before the Bellman who was assisting me left the room I checked out the bathroom. It was actually pretty good, but the hand held shower head was positioned at a heighth that no person with a mobility impairment would be able to reach, so I had him lower it for me before he left. At that point I felt like I had covered all of the bases and that there wouldn't be any more issues. Then I started looking around for outlets so that I could plug in my legs to charge the batteries up for a new day...no outlets.

Again, I called the front desk and explained that I would need a powerstrip. It took a little while, but it finally got there. It was now 9:00pm and I still hadn't had dinner, so I ordered roomservice. The food was good, and they got the order right, but there was one thing that made me laugh. If you've ever ordered roomservice before then you should be familliar with the plate covers that they use to keep the food warm and the way the stack covered plates on top of each other. Well, I had ordered an appetizer with my dinner, and I just had to laught at the fact that they stacked my entree plate on top of the appetizer plate! Does that make any sense?

At 10:30pm I called for roomservice to come get the tray from my room. The guy that answered told me he would send someone up and that I should just put the tray on the floor outside the room. I explained to him that I was in a wheelchair and that I wouldn't be able to put the tray on the floor, much less outside the room. He said ok and that he would send someone up. As of 11pm no one had arrived and I was ready to go to bed. I figured out how to balance the tray on my lap and got it to the door, only to discover that I couldn't get the tray down on the floor. I had to take the things that could have spilled off of the tray, then dropped the tray on the floor causing all sorts of noise, then replaced the items I had moved and slid the tray into the hall. At 8am when my breakfast arrived I noticed that the tray from dinner was still in the hallway!

At 8:30am I called down for a Bellman to help me get my luggage to the car. CTS was less than a block away, so I assumed that even if it took the Bellman 15 minutes to get to me I would still be able to get to CTS by 9am. (What happens when we assume?) At 8:45am no bellman had arrived. I called the desk to check and was told that he would be up in just a few minutes. I stressed that I really needed to be leaving in less than 5 minutes. At 8:55am I called the front desk again. This time I informed them that I was supposed to be at CTS at 9am and asked them to call CTS to let them know that I would be late, as I had left all of the contact information in the car and couldn't leave my room for fear of missing the Bellman. The Bellman arrived at 9am and apologized profusely. He escorted me to my car, took down my cell number, and promised that he would have the manager call me.

I got to CTS at 9:08am and my day really improved from there. At 10:30am I had a little break and decided to call the hotel to see if I could speak with the manager. I was transferred to the GM's office, where I left a voicemail, but I never heard back from the GM or anyone else. Now, with my background I can tell that all of these issues came from a lack of staffing and poor technology, but there was also a serious lack of awareness when it comes to guests with disabilities. If I ever do get to speak with a manager I will definitely offer my services for training. I should also note that all of the staff members that I had personal contact with were very friendly and accommodating, especially the cute desk clerk! :)

After the fiasco at the hotel and the filming at CTS, I had the pleasure of speaking to the Centerville Rotary Club with Dr. David Smith, the CEO of Community Tissue Services. The purpose of our presentation was to inform the Rotary club of the services offered at CTS and hopefully to inspire them to support CTS and become tissue donors themselves. Dr. Smith has given many of these presentations in the past, but this was the first time that he has presented along side a tissue recipient. After the presentation he told me that he felt the presentation had a greater impact because the audience got to hear from a person (me) whose life had been impacted by a tissue donor. I'd have to agree, because the audience certainly was engaging when we got to the Q & A part of the presentation! I hope that this was just the first of many joint presentations for us!

Speaking to a New Generation

2010-05-28T16:41:00.003-04:00

One of my fondest memories from high school was going to Bradford Woods for Broad Ripple High School's Leadership Camp. A group of students spent several days in the woods learning how to be leaders which, in some cases, also meant learning how to follow. What I remember most is the beautiful setting that Bradford Woods provides, the fun "camp" activities, the dance in the dinning hall on the last night, and having my first cup of coffee ever (because they made us get up so very early to do calisthenics!).

(Of course, I started out drinking my coffee loaded with cream and sugar, but a few nights later, while having dessert after a family dinner, I shocked everyone by asking for coffee. As I was loading my coffee up with cream and sugar my Grandma (Mom's mother) looked at me and said "It's not coffee if it's not black." My immediate thought was "if my Grandma can drink black coffee than so can I!" From that day forward I take my coffee black unless it's a mocha or some other coffee drink.)

Over the years I've thought about Bradford Woods a lot, but I didn't have any reason to return there until about two years ago when the People's Burn Foundation began hosting an Adult Burn Survivor retreat. The past two years we've been in a different area of the camp from where the Leadership Camp had been and it just wasn't the Bradford Woods of my youth. However, Bradford Woods staff is fantastic as always and their Director of Therapeutic Recreation has taken the time to work with the Adult Burn Survivors while we are there. He and I have gotten to know each other a bit and this year he asked if I would be willing to speak to their summer staff about my experiences as a person with a disability. Of course I said Yes!

One of the amazing things about Bradford Woods is that they really specialize in camps for people with disabilities. Later this summer I will be going down there to speak to Camp Rielly, and I'm really looking forward to having a chance to connect with those kids, but that's not the point of this update. (Sorry it's taken so long for me to get around to my point, but if you've been reading this blog for a while then you should be used to it!) Last night I drove to Bradford Woods to speak with the summer staff before their season really kicks off.

I was invited to join them for dinner before my speech. As I arrived I could hear children from an early camp group playing in the woods nearby. I also saw people walking along the trails as I drove up the tall hill to the main area of the camp. I parked my car and took one long look around and realized that this was it! This was the Bradford Woods that I remembered! Then I walked around to the dinning hall, which was exactly as I remembered it. Same tables, same chairs, same smells, same big windows looking out on the camp. All I had to do was close my eyes and I was instantly transported back to that first cup of coffee, or that dance on the last night of Leadership.

After dinner I walked down to the amphitheatre where I was to deliver my speech to the summer staff (a group of approximately 80 young adults ranging from 18 to about 25 years of age). The raised fire pit in the center of the amphitheatre was covered and I decided it would be the best place for me to sit, rather than going up on the stage. (I like to be close to my audience.) Thanks to the rotation units that I now have on each leg I was able to sit Indian style, which is extremely comfortable, while I spoke. It was such a beautiful setting that when it started top drizzle we decided to take a risk and stay outside. We were partially protected by the branches of some huge old trees, but that drizzle quickly turned into a down pour and we were forced inside. That was fine by me because it forced the group to get even closer to me which I think creates a certain level of intimacy during a presentation.

As I looked around the room at this young generation of camp counselors I realized that I was really talking to the future generation of Physical Therapists, Occupational Therapists, all other kinds of Therapists, Teachers, Nurses, Doctors, Attorney's, Hospitality and Culinary Manager's...the list could go on forever because at that age anything is possible. What struck me the most was that this group of young adults had chosen to spend their summers helping people with disabilities. Some of the people in the group have disabilities of their own and they've chosen to be the example that a disability doesn't hold you back from your dreams. They've embraced the purpose that I was talking about in my last update (which only got one comment, by the way...ahem...can you tell I'm not pleased?). That purpose being to use their unique talents to help others. I'm honored to have been given the opportunity to touch their minds, and I can't wait to see them when I return next month for Camp Reilly!

The Purpose

2010-05-10T09:50:00.004-04:00

In April Mom, Dad, my Sister Sarah and I participated in the first part of an educational series at our church called "Living Fully, Dying Well". The focus of the series is on living fully while also having those uncomfortable, but necessary, discussions with loved ones about your wishes when faced with life or death situations. Essentially, what you want to happen if you are in a life threatening situation and you are not able to make your own medical decisions. It's also about what you want done with your belongings, your body, and all of the other things that have to be decided while you are incapacitated or when you leave this world and move on to the next.

We were asked to take part in a panel discussion because of our unique experiences with my own mortality so early in my life. It really was the first time that all of us spoke to a group together about what we went through. I began the tale with the story of the accident, but then passed the figurative talking stick on to my sister, as she was the one who had to make such horrible decisions on that first night because Mom and Dad were out of town. She then handed the story off to Mom and Dad who took it to the point where I was awake, at which point I finished the story off.

It was an emotional morning for all of us, and I learned some things about what my family went through that I hadn't heard before. One thing that really stood out to me was learning that, when I was probably at the most critical state, Sarah had questioned why they had allowed the Doctors to do all of these horrible things to my body if I wasn't going to survive. Even after four and a half years I still don't think that I can fully fathom the emotional struggle that my family went through.

We talked about a lot of things that day. Conversations that we didn't have before the accident that might have made things easier. Plans that I could have made in advance that would have taken the guess work out of what my family needed to do. Decisions that I would have made differently, and why it was a good thing that I wasn't making my medical decisions at that point.

If I had been given the choice about whether to amputate my legs or, let me go, at the time I would have chosen death. Let me be clear, I still don't want to live this way, but I am glad that I am alive. At the time of the accident I was in so much pain that death would have been a welcome release, and I had no concept of what life would be without legs. All I could see at that point, even after I awoke, was the overwhelming loss that I had suffered and in my eyes that was my future...pain and loss. That's why it is a very good thing that people who love me were making the decisions regarding my medical care, because I would not have been able to make those decisions with a rational mind.

I have suffered tremendous losses as a result of the accident, but I have also gained a unique perspective on the world, our society, and a new purpose in life. On the agenda for the first session of "living fully, dying well" was a discussion about purpose. Unfortunately our stories, and the stories of other members of our congregation who have faced death, took so much time that we never got to that point in the program. Now, I'm not sure what the plan was for the discussion about purpose, but I know what I have come to believe, because one of the things that I have gained from my experiences is a renewed sense of purpose.

That purpose is to help others, both individually and as a whole when it comes to our society. That's why I speak to groups about my experiences, disability awareness, inclusion, and visit with new patients in the burn unit and other amputees. It's why I've become so involved with the Burn Survivor and Amputee support groups. It's also why I've joined the Mayor's Advisory Council on Disability and the Board of Director's for the Indianapolis Resource Center for Independent Living (IRCIL).

Currently my efforts are focused on promoting the Wheel-A-Thon, which is IRCIL's major annual fundraiser. The event will be held on Saturday, June 5th from 10am to 2pm, at the Ruth Lilly Fitness Center on the University of Indianapolis Campus. IRCIL is a great non-profit that provides a wide range of services to people with disabilities in Marion county and the 7 surrounding counties. The Wheel-A-Thon is a fun event that will include wheel chair races, a wheel chair soccer exhibition game, Zumba/dance exercise classes and much more. The event is free to the public, and I want to invite everyone who is interested (whether you have a disability or not) to attend. If you would like to help me in my effort to raise funds for IRCIL, you can make a donation to my team, Rebellion on Wheels, by clicking on the team name. My goal is to raise $800.00 and as of today my team has raised $550.00, please consider making a small donation of $5 or more to help me close the gap! Helping raise funds for IRCIL will allow them to expand their services and help more people with disabilities live as close to an independent lifestyle as possible.

Now that my advertisement is done, lets wrap this up by getting back to the main point! There are many who find purpose in their families, careers, religions, friends, and more things than I can mention; which is a wonderful thing because a purpose helps us get through our struggles. Unfortunately there are others who struggle every day questioning if there is any meaning to their lives. This saddens me, because every life has meaning, and we all share one simple purpose. I believe that purpose is to use our unique abilities to live and help others live together, peacefully, in this world.

Life Gets In The Way

2010-04-26T17:26:00.005-04:00

Yesterday, at church, a friend and regular blog follower commented to me about the fact that I haven't done an update since March 31st. She reminded me that there are many out there who don't get to see me often and simply want to know that I'm doing OK. With that in mind I will try to be more diligent about posting at least a couple times a month. I've even set a reminder in my phone for every other week!

It's been a while because, honestly, I just haven't been inspired to write. It's not that I haven't been doing interesting things, it's just that I've allowed myself to get bogged down with life and haven't taken the time to get my thoughts together. "Life gets in the way". How many times have I heard others say that, or said it myself? How many times have you said it? The problem is that when we let life get in the way we manage to let things slip through the cracks. We become so focused on the hear and now that we forget to reach out to each other, simply to say "Hello, I'm doing well, how are you?"

Last week, while I was driving home from a meeting, or an appointment, or a speech, or some other errand I drove past the neighborhood where my friends, John and Megan Coffin, live. I drive past their neighborhood at least a couple times a week and I always think "I need to call them", but I never do. So I finally listened to that voice in my head and gave John Coffin a call. I got his voicemail, but he called me back a few days later. Once we started talking I was amazed at how much time had passed. We live barely 10 minutes away from each other, and yet, a year had passed since the last time that we had spoken! The reason: "Life gets in the way".

I'm going to try to be better about reaching out to all of you through this blog. While that may mean that some future posts may be less inspiring, at least all of you will know that I'm still hear and that I hope you are still reading my thoughts! You can let me know that you are there by making comments. (The more comments that you make, the more inspired I will be!)

So, take a moment to think about those people in your life who you haven't contacted for a while. Those people who, when you think of them, you think "I need to give them a call" but never do. Put life on pause and pick up the phone, or send them an email to say "Hello, here's how I've been, how are you?"

(Oh yeah, the picture is for those of you who haven't seen me in a while. I haven't had my hair cut since last October. I realized that, for the first time in my life, I don't need to project a traditional professional image, so I decided to see what would happen if I let my hair grow. I was hoping that it would get longer, but it just keeps getting curlier and curlier! It's very difficult for me not to get it cut, but I'm really enjoying watching it change. The beard just kind of pulls it all together!)

The month of March

2010-03-31T16:26:00.009-04:00

This year March has truly come in like a lion and out like a lamb. I think we've seen three out of the four seasons between March 1st and today! In fact, I fully intended to get this posted yesterday, but the weather was so beautiful that I couldn't bring myself to sit inside long enough to work on it. It's also been an extremely busy month for me. It began with Madeline's birthday, included several speeches, my birthday, a few new responsibilities, and ended with a trip to Chicago. (Which was kind of an extension of Madeline's birthday so I guess you could say my month ended the way it began!)

I love the fact that Madeline's birthday arrives 10 days before mine! She was born on March 3rd, 2001. I had moved back to Indianapolis just two weeks before, and was still living at the Indianapolis Marriott Downtown, where I also worked at the time. I had worked a late night with the third shift housekeeping team as we prepared the hotel for it's grand opening. I had only been asleep for a few hours when Dad called to tell me that Sarah was going into labor. I threw on some clothes, ran down to the front desk to tell them that I would not be on time for my shift, and then raced to the hospital. I arrived in time to see my Sister, who had just been given an epidural, so she was feeling great. We spent a few moments together and then I went out to the waiting room where I slept peacefully in a very uncomfortable chair until my family woke me up again to tell me that it was time to meet this precious little child who would bring so much joy to all of our lives!

In our family we have a tradition that you get to pick whatever meal you want for your birthday dinner. For years I have chosen Mom's Fettuccini Alfredo. Several years ago, to my surprise, Madeline began choosing the same dish! So, for the last several years I've gotten to have my favorite meal on Madeline's birthday and then again 10 days later on mine; what a treat! This year Madeline changed it up on me, with an order for Manicotti, which is also a great dish, and it made the Fettuccini on my birthday even more special. (For the record, though she denies it, I still think her Mother had something to do with the change in the menu!) :)

the day after Madeline's birthday celebration I was part of a panel discussion at the University of Indianapolis about the psychological impact of an acquired disability. After that, I drove up to Purdue Calumet, in Hammond Indiana, where I gave a speech to 300 high school students with mild disabilities who are getting ready to transition into college or the work force. Hammond Indiana is just outside of Chicago, and I want to point out that last summer I was stressing over driving that kind of distance on my own. Dad asked if I wanted him to come to Hammond with me, and I think he was kind of surprised when I said no, but I wanted to do the drive on my own. I was pretty nervous about this speech because it was the first time that I used a PowerPoint presentation. I became even more nervous when I realized that the presentation would be on two screens that were behind me, so I wouldn't be able to see it to be sure that I was on track with the presentation! In the end, the speech worked out great, and for the most part I managed to stick to the plan!

I had been sick for most of the week leading up to Madeline's birthday, and doing all of that speaking, plus the travel definitely took a toll on me. I had insomnia the night before my speech at Purdue Calumet, which meant that I was running on fumes when it came time to perform. When the speech was over my voice was shot, and it progressively got worse over the course of the next few days. Luckily I had about a week before my next speaking engagement.

During that week my voice recovered and I got to enjoy my own birthday celebration at Mom and Dad's. I had a very calm birthday. No big parties, just a beautiful dinner with my family and then a couple friends came over to my house and we played cribbage until rather late in the night. Made even later by the spring time change! It's strange, looking back, when I turned 30 my friends took me out to Broad Ripple and...well, to be honest I don't remember much of that night. Since the accident all of my birthday's have been memorable evenings spent around a dinner table, or gathered in another area of the house, visiting with close friends and family. I'm not complaining, that's exactly the way it should be! After experiencing what I have, you want to spend the important days of the year with the people you are closest too! And, for those of you who are wondering, the best gift of all was Madeline's. She took me to see Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. She even handled all of the money at the theatre, from paying for the tickets to buying the snacks!

In addition to the big speech at the beginning of the month I have also spoken at several elementary schools. Many of the elementary schools in the Indianapolis area have embraced the month of March as Disability Awareness Month and really put a lot of effort into programming to educate their students about disabilities and inclusion. I think it's fantastic! I only point out the elementary schools because, as of yet, I've only spoken to one middle school and no high schools. I'm sure they are doing something, but I have very little knowledge of how the secondary schools (I think that's the right term) recognized Disability Awareness Month. I did several of these speeches with the Indianapolis Resource Center for Independent Living (IRCIL). It was a new experience for me to present with another person with a disability. This gave the children the opportunity to learn from people with similar, but very different, disabilities with different types of independence. Very neat!

I've become much more involved with IRCIL in the past few months. During the month I became a member of IRCIL's Board of Director's. This is a very new experience for me. When I attended my first board meeting as a member I found myself looking around the room wondering when the adults were going to realize that I didn't belong there. (Then I remembered that I'm now half way to 70, as both my Uncle Mike and my dear friend Kelly Clements pointed out on March 13th!) Still, I find it fascinating that 4 and a half years ago I was a hotel manager laying in a hospital bed, having just learned that my legs were gone, wondering if I would ever return to work. How wild is life??? My first responsibility as a board member is to lead the "Team Recruitment" effort for IRCIL's major fundraiser, the Wheel-A-Thon. More on that in a future post, for now, if you are at all interested in creating a team, click here (our goal is to get 12 or more teams to sign up with a fundraising goal of at least $400.00 per team). You can also either join or donate through my team, Rebellion on Wheels (get the Star Wars reference?), by clicking on my team name.

In addition to my new responsibilities with IRCIL I have also managed to talk myself into responsibility for the new website content committee for the Mayor's Advisory Council on Disability (MACD). At a recent MACD EC (Executive Committee) meeting, I brought up the fact that the MACD website doesn't provide much information...now I'm co-chair of the newly formed committee. (Funny how that happens, huh?) So far it's actually been kind of fun, but we're just getting our thoughts together, so I'm not providing a link until we've made some progress.

As I mentioned at the beginning, in a way, the month of March ended for me in a very similar way to how it began. One of Madeline's birthday presents was a gift card to the American Girl store in Chicago. This past Monday we (Mom, Dad, Sarah, Madeline, and I) drove to Chicago so that Madeline could make use of her present. (At the beginning we celebrated Madeline's birthday and then I drove to Hammond, very near Chicago.) Of course, the activities were entirely different! Very shortly after arriving at the hotel we went to the American Girl store, where Madeline picked out a "Just Like Me" doll that truly looks just like her. Sadly, I was unable to find a doll that looks just like me, so I left empty handed. :(

Out of sheer stubbornness I decided to do the trip to Water Tower (home of American Girl) without bringing my wheelchair along. I would have been fine, but after sitting in the car for three hours with my legs on, my residual limbs had begun to shrink. I lost suction on my left leg to the point that the socket would not stay attached. We had lunch before going to American Girl, so I took the leg off during that period. I'm sure it was an unusual site for people to see a young man in the food court eating with his leg leaning against the chair beside him! When we were done I reattached the leg and the suction held, but I knew it wouldn't last. When we were done at the American Girl store Dad went to get the car so that I could go back to the hotel. Mom, Sarah, and Madeline stayed to explore the mall a bit more. I would have enjoyed looking at some of the other shops, and from an endurance standpoint I think I could have done it, but the entire trip to Water Tower had been nerve wracking and frustrating for me. I felt it was best to go back to the hotel to rest where I could take my legs off for a while.

When we returned to the hotel I discovered that the shower chair in my room, which I'd had to request after check in, was the wrong type of chair. It was small, yet it didn't fit in the tub, and it didn't have a back rest. It would have been very dangerous for me to use, so I called the front desk and asked for a housekeeping, maintenance, or rooms division department head to come to my room. This actually led to a great conversation with a young manager about disability awareness and the hospitality industry in general. (It kind of made me miss the old days...but only for a moment.) The conversation also led to the correct type of shower bench being moved to my room, which ultimately led to a very relaxing shower!

After the great shower my family and I went out to dinner with my good friend (and old competitor) Jim Goodman, his wife Jennie, and their one year old Anna. It was fantastic to see Jim, Jennie, and Anna. We enjoyed some great food and company. It was a perfect end to what, for me, had been kind of a harrowing day.

On Tuesday we went to the Museum of Science and Industry, which really is fantastic. I think we probably could have spent the whole day there...if we had arrived early and had the entire day available. As it was we only had a few hours, and probably about a half hour of that was spent standing in line, where I actually ran into a student (and family) from the elementary school that I had spoken to last week! While standing (or sitting in my case) in line we also bumped into a family from our church. (Small world, huh?) Knowing that the museum would be more than I can handle on my legs I decided to use the wheelchair, which is more comfortable, but it's not much fun to be at that eye level in a crowd! We had a great time, but probably only saw about 25% (probably less) of the museum before we had to leave.

One of the most fascinating things that I saw there was a prosthetic for a man who has bilateral (both legs) amputations at mid thigh, which means his amputations were much higher than mine! The prosthetic was made for him to climb mountains. It's actually very short and has no knee. The mountain climber said that he realized that the prosthetic knees were slowing him down on the climb! Fascinating, it's not something that I'm all that interested in trying, but it's good to know it's an option!

We got home Tuesday night and have had great weather ever since. As I said at the start, I fully intended to write this post yesterday, but the weather was so wonderful that I spent the afternoon and evening on the deck. I also fully intended to finish this post much earlier today, but once again, the weather enticed me away from the computer. I think we've got a beautiful summer headed our way!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEREMY!!

2010-03-13T08:02:00.003-05:00

Please join me in wishing Jeremy a happy birthday! We love you!

October 2010 -- Jeremy's Walk -- Jeremy with the Butler University cheerleaders

Walking Unassisted

2010-03-09T15:32:00.003-05:00

Walking without the crutches has always seemed like too much to hope for. My first Prosthetist didn't think it would really be possible. My Physical Therapist has seen videos of bi-lateral above knee amputees walking unassisted (without crutches or canes) but I don't think she ever thought it was a realistic goal for me. My new Prosthetist believes that I'll be able to walk without the crutches by the end of the year. Personally, I don't see how it could be safe, but I have seen the videos of people like me walking wherever they want without any kind of assistance what-so-ever.

When I received my new sockets I decided to take a few steps in the parallel bars at my Prosthetists office without holding on, just to see if it was possible. His set of parallel bars aren't very long, so I was only able to take about three steps. I did it, but my left hip, which is my weaker side, gave out and made it very difficult for me to stay balanced. My thoughts at that point were "my Prosthetist is nuts! Sure I can do it, but it will never be functional." However, when my Prosthetist saw me take those three steps he was amazed that I was able to do that much, considering I had only just received the new sockets. That was back in October.

What's so important about the sockets is the way they are aligned and the amount of support they give me. When you walk with crutches you are supposed to alternate your crutches as you walk. It should be right foot and left crutch, then left foot and right crutch. Does that make sense? Well, with my old set of sockets, which I had for about three years, I couldn't alternate my crutches. I tried, over and over again, and I could alternate them a little bit, but it never felt comfortable or stable. I found that I could move much easier if I used both crutches every time I stepped with my left foot. The real draw back to that was that I was transferring my weight on the crutches instead of my legs. What I learned when I switched Prosthetists and received the new sockets was that the old sockets were not aligned properly. The poor alignment was the reason that I couldn't alternate my crutches while walking!

Why is alternating the crutches so important? Because that movement, which is more natural, also allowed me to stop using the crutches for weight transfer, which has forced me to trust my legs. Now I alternate my crutches with every step and really only use them for balance. As I was walking at church on Sunday I started to pay attention to how little I was really using my crutches, so I decided to take a risk. I lifted both crutches off the ground and walked forward without using them. To my surprise, I didn't fall! My left hip still gave a little, but not enough to make me lose my balance.

Some of the people at the church saw it and told me how amazed they were. This gave me some much needed positive reinforcement, so I began trying it more and more. To the point that I may have been showing off a bit, but hey, it was good practice! Ultimately I walked about 20 to 25 feet without using the crutches! It was very difficult, partly because I still had the crutches in my hands and, muscle memory being what it is, my arms really wanted to walk with them. It takes a lot of concentration to keep my balance and while I felt stable, I didn't really feel in control. I can walk forward, but I can't turn or stop yet. Which means that I have some decisions to make.

Do I want to make this a real goal, instead of just something to play with every once in awhile? Do I want to put forth the physical effort that it will take to make walking without crutches functional? (To me functional means that I would walk this way in the community, I would be stable, safe, comfortable, and have the ability to alter speeds.)

I can walk with one crutch, but I don't do it very often. Other than at church the only time that I have walked with one crutch in the community was when I walked into a post office a few months ago. While standing in line at the post office I learned that even though I could walk with one crutch, I still needed the second crutch to stand comfortably. While standing with one crutch my back began to hurt because I wasn't able to easily shift my weight. This presents a tremendous obstacle to leaving the one crutch behind, I can't imagine how I would stand for any length of time without any crutches!

I am very happy with the way that I move now. If I can get to where I can walk with one crutch in the community on a regular basis it will open up the ability to carry things in my left hand, which would be very helpful. If I can walk with no crutches I might also have the ability to carry things that require two hands. (Currently I'm happy to have other people help me with large objects!) Would the ability to walk without crutches also give me the ability to dance again? (Doubtful that I would be very good, but slow dances might be ok.)

It's interesting, as my confidence grows each step seems to open up new opportunities, but these opportunities always come with new challenges as well. I have to ask myself if the benefits are worth the challenges. So far the answer has always been yes, but this is completely new territory. It is possible that as I become more comfortable with one crutch, and continue to "play" with walking without the crutches thing will happen naturally. That is the slower road and most likely will not allow me to reach the full potential that a focused effort would. At this point I have no answer as to how I will progress, but it is definitely a goal that I am considering. Only time will tell...

February

2010-03-02T12:18:00.004-05:00

If you've watched the weather then you might have heard that Indiana, along with most of the country, had some record snowfalls and cold temperatures during the month of February. I've been pretty lucky to avoid being out in it much, but I still had a very active month. I had several speaking engagements and committee meetings that kept me busy, but I also found time to take Madeline to our Church's Mardi Gras Party. Her Mom wasn't feeling well, so she asked me to take her, and of course I jumped at the chance. (Figuratively, of course, man I would love to be able to really jump again!) That's the two of us in the picture above. You'll notice that I'm currently in "winter mode" which means that I tend to have a light beard and I haven't had my hair cut since October. The longer hair thing is a new experiment, because I don't really feel the need to maintain the "high and tight" professional hair cut right now. (Of course, the feathers have nothing to do with "winter mode" and everything to do with Mardi Gras!)

In the last month I've spoken to the fourth grade students at an elementary school in Noblesville, the 8th grade students at Immacculate Heart of Mary, and was part of a panel discussion about the psychological impacts of an acquired disability for a Physical Therapy class at UIndy. In between those events I also attended my regular Mayor's Advisory Council on Disability meetings, which includes two meetings now that I'm on the executive committee, and attended a meeting of the Board of Directors for the Indianapolis Resource Center for Independent Living (IRCIL). I have applied to join their Board, so I thought it would be a good idea to check it out.

Somehow the heavy snowfalls seemed to line up with days when I didn't need to leave the house. I kept an eye on the weather and would try to do my grocery shopping before the heavy stuff came so that I could enjoy being snowed in. I also managed to stay pretty healthy, until the last weekend. Then, somehow, it caught up with me! I got sick. I blame my sister. I blame her because she wasn't feeling well earlier in the month, so it has to be her fault, right? I know better, but what's the point of having a sibling if you can't blame her for making you sick? I remember when we were kids and she had the chicken pox. She got to stay home from school, so I chased her around trying to make her give me the chicken pox so that I could stay home too. I don't think she had told me about the awful itching that came along with it, so I'm pretty sure it was all part of her plan to give me the chicken pox in the first place! (Yes, I blame her for giving me the chicken pox, even though I was the one chasing her, that's a siblings right!) Yet again I have gone off on a bunny trail(most likely brought on by decongestants), so let me get back to the point. I got sick.

I try so hard to keep things positive, but when I get sick that becomes almost impossible. Why? Because when I'm sick I turn into this pathetic guy who wants to whine about everything and wants someone to baby him. The one big problem with that is that I'm single and live with two cats, who obviously could care less about what I want. When I'm sick everything becomes harder, every task takes longer, and it seems like when I'm finally comfortable on the couch I have to get back up to deal with something that I forgot while I was up the first time! It's when I'm sick that the fact that I'm single becomes extremely depressing. Every one deserves that special someone who will put up with them and take care of them when they feel like death warmed over, which is how I felt Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday. I'm still not 100%, but at least today I feel like I can do more than watch TV.

That was the whiny part, which has been aching to get out, so now it's time to look at the positives. I am very lucky that I have friends and family who do care. My old roommate brought me some much needed decongestants and movies to watch. Mom and Dad came by to help with a few things around the house on Sunday, and Mom brought breakfast over on Monday. The nice thing about being single when you're sick, is that you don't have to worry about anyone else seeing you when you're really gross! Luckily the timing worked in my favor again because, other than a meeting last Friday morning, I didn't have to be anywhere over the weekend, and I have a pretty light week until Thursday and Friday.

Wednesday night, the 3rd, is Madeline's birthday 9th birthday, and I plan to be 100% healthy by then! Thursday I have another panel discussion at UIndy, and then I'm driving up to Hammond Indiana for a speech on Friday. Friday morning I'll be giving the keynote speech at the Transition Conference at Purdue Calumet. It's an audience of approximately 300 high school students, many of whom have mild disabilities, who are about to transition into either college, or the work force. I'm honored that they want to hear my story!

Jury Duty

2010-02-12T12:35:00.003-05:00

This time the long delay between posts was intentional. I wanted the story of Shaun Doss to be the top post for a while so that I could make certain that as many people as possible would read about him and hopefully click on the link to his website, share his story with others, and maybe raise a few donations for him. However, the fact that I haven't updated the blog for a month doesn't mean that I haven't been busy. Quite the opposite! I've had several interesting experiences in the past month, enough to fill up several blogs, so for now we're going to focus on my first jury duty experience!

I've always wanted to serve on a jury. There's just something about being a part of our justice system and seeing how it works that has always fascinated me. Unfortunately the first time I received a summons for jury duty was about three and a half years ago, right after I moved back into my house after the accident. I was in no condition to serve at that time, so I marked the little box on the summons to indicate that I had a physical disability that would prevent me from serving on a jury and sent it back to the jury pool coordinator. I received my second summons this past December.

I wavered back and forth over whether I should use my disability to get out of serving again, but ultimately decided that I could handle it. Now, I want to take a moment to describe what the Summons for Jury Service (in Marion County, Indiana)looks like, just for those of you who have never received one. What you get is something that's post card sized and it has several questions on the front. Next to each question is a box for "yes" and a box for "no" to answer the question. One of the two answer boxes is in black ink and the other is in red ink. If your answer is a red box then you are not eligible for jury service, in which case you send the card back to the jury pool coordinator showing your lack of eligibility. If you don't mark any red boxes then (in Marion County, Indiana) you are ordered to appear as a prospective juror during a particular week. (My week was the week starting January 11th.)

The first question on the summons is "Are you a citizen of the United States?" The "yes" box is black and the "no" box is red. The next question is the same as the first, only in spanish. The next two questions are "Are you 18 years of age or older?" and "Are you a resident of Marion County?" Again, the "yes" box is in black ink and the "no" box is in red. (Neither of these questions are repeated in spanish, which made me question why the citizenship question was in both english and spanish.) The next question is "Do you read, write, speak, and understand the english language?" Again, the "yes" box is in black ink and the "no" box is in red. This question was then listed again in spanish. Now, if you have to be able to read, write, speak, and understand the english language in order to serve on a jury I completely understand why that question would be translated into spanish, but why not other languages as well, and why wouldn't that be the first question on the form? I only mention this because it made me scratch my head and I found it kind of funny.

For the last three questions on the summons the "yes" answer box is red and the "no" box is black. The first is "Do you have a physical or mental disability that would interfere with or prevent jury service?" The second question is "Are you under a guardianship due to mental incapacity?" The third question, which made me laugh out loud, is "Are you presently incarcerated due to a felony conviction?" Are we really sending jury summons to people who are in prison?! If the summons goes to an inmates home (non-prison) address does that mean that the inmate no has to pay a fine, or serve another sentence, for failure to answer a summons for jury duty?!

Because I didn't mark any of the red boxes I had to call the Jury Pool Coordinator's office at the City County building every night for a week to find out if I would have to report for jury selection. Each night I called and each night I was told that I didn't need to come in, until the last possible night, when my Juror group was finally called. I was excited, but I was also a little annoyed because the day they decided to call me in also happened to be the one night that I actually had plans that week. A good friend from my college days was in town for a conference and staying at my place that night. But I figured that my chances of actually getting picked were slim to none. Not sure why I thought that, because I was absolutely wrong!

I spent the morning waiting in the public assembly room at the City County building waiting for the jury selection process to start. At about 11:30 they finally called my group and, sure enough, I was among the first prospective jurors chosen to serve. They released us for lunch at about noon and, as I was walking out of the building to go find food, my left leg decided to come off! I hobbled back into the City County building and got a deputy's attention. I wish I could have taken a picture of his face when I told him that my leg was coming off and that I couldn't get it to reattach! I have to admit that they reacted very well. A deputy found a wheelchair for me and a bailiff ran out to get me some lunch before the trial began.

I don't think that I can discuss the details of the trial, other than to say that it was a criminal trial and very interesting. I was lucky that it was a one day trial, but unfortunately it lasted until about 9:00pm, so I had to cancel my plans with my friend and only got to spend about an hour with him before he had to go to bed. (He had an early conference the next morning.) I do want to point out that everyone involved with either Jury Coordination or the trial kept acknowledging how much of an inconvenience it was to us to serve on the jury, but from my perspective the real inconvenience was not being able to make any plans that week!

I went to my prosthetists office the next day and he was able to fix the problem with my left leg pretty quick. There was an issue with the valve on the socket, so it wouldn't maintain any suction on my residual limb. Everything is working fine now. My friend wound up staying in town one more night. His family came up to join him so they went to a hotel, but I still got to spend some time catching up with him after all! Everything worked out fine in the end, and I finally got to take part in our justice system.

One of My Heroes

2010-01-12T17:14:00.005-05:00

One of my heroes is a kid named Shaun Doss. I met Shaun during my second trip to Washington DC last summer. I was sitting in my wheelchair, in the back of the bus that was taking us to Capitol Hill for a press conference, and next to me was this cute kid who was also in a wheelchair. Shaun was six years old at the time and he was extremely shy at first. I found myself looking at him, as he tried as hard as he could to ignore me, and found myself thinking how nervous, possibly scared, and probably bored he must have been.

I couldn't imagine what it must have felt like to be 6 years old, in a wheelchair, in Washington DC, in the back of the bus next to a strange guy with mechanical legs who also happened to be in a wheelchair. So I decided to strike up a conversation with the kid. At first he continued to ignore me, but then someone else on the bus handed me a picture book of DC to help me get his attention. By the time the bus finally got through the security checkpoint and we were unloaded and ready for the press conference Shaun and I had become friends.

The more I learned about him the more I admired him. Shaun became paralyzed from the chest down when he was three years old when a young woman ran a red light and collided with his father's Chrysler vehicle. Shaun's seat belt failed during the accident, which is what allowed Shaun to be injured. It's such a tragic story, he has had to overcome tremendous challenges at such an early age, but once I got him to start talking I discovered a happy, energetic, playful six year old kid. Many of you have talked about how amazing my attitude is, which I appreciate, but it takes a tremendous amount of work to stay so positive. Shaun, on the other hand, seems to do it naturally.

I'm sure his parents would tell us that he has his moments, but his ability to be happy is something that keeps me motivated. Recently I talked about choosing to be happy, but for a kid his age it's not about choice, it's about who he is. He amazes and inspires me! In fact, he inspired me to race him to the end of a tunnel that connects two of the Senate office buildings. It was my idea, but I never would have thought of it if he hadn't been there. We were told that the race was a little disrespectful, but a six year old kid needs to have fun! So does a 34 year old kid, for that matter!

Now, there is a reason that I've chosen now to talk about Shaun. Thanks to stem cell research there is a chance that Shaun could walk again! Unfortunately the procedure that could give him this chance is not performed in this country. His family would need to travel to Costa Rica and stay there for several months for treatment and therapy. Unfortunately the procedure alone will cost over $50,000.00 and that doesn't include the cost for his family to travel and stay in a foreign country to give him this opportunity. This is an amount of money that Shaun's family simply doesn't have.

One of the most maddening things is that Shaun shouldn't even have to worry about raising this money. If Chrysler had met him in court his family would be able to get this procedure done now. Instead they have to rely on the generosity of friends, family, and perfect strangers. His family has several fund raising opportunities, and I have shared the info on the cookbook project and other successful fund raisers that helped me afford my C-legs. Right now they are working on a golf tournament, have a store that is donating it's profits to Shaun (if anyone purchases something from this store you must put in the code Shaundoss to direct the profits to him), and they are also taking donations. I know that they will be able to raise the money they need, and it is my hope that the next time Shaun and I find ourselves in Washington DC we are both able to walk through the halls of the Capitol complex instead of using our wheelchairs. (We'll need to keep the wheelchairs handy though, just in case there's an opportunity to race!) (For the record, Shaun owes me a rematch!)

Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men

2009-12-24T11:57:00.006-05:00

I've struggled over the topic of this post for the past week. I had planned to do an update this past Monday about showing gratitude. A topic that was inspired by our discussion in last weeks Sunday School class, which centered around a concern about a generation of children who seem to demonstrate a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude for the privileges their families provide. Then, I continued to hear wonderful feedback about the last post "Choosing to be Happy" (although only four people actually made public comments on the blog) and how it had helped people when they were struggling with difficult issues in their lives. As a result I decided to leave that post up a little longer before getting into what would have been called "Gratitude", but something else kept niggling at the back of my mind that said that wasn't the right topic, even though it seemed perfectly appropriate for the season. A little voice that has been intruding into my thoughts for the past month. My voice, but not quite, because it's been speaking about things that I don't usually think about all that much. Now, maybe this is because I've been paying more attention to the news, or maybe they're just words that need to be spoken...

Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men. About a month ago, while taking a shower, I began thinking about all of the fighting that seems to be happening all over our planet. In some cases it's wars between legitimate countries who, for whatever reason, can't seem to get along. In other cases it's Priest's refusing to allow communion, or a funeral mass, because they disagree with some one's political views. (Refusing to accept that a politician, out of the need to do what's right for the people of a rich, multi-cultural society, might need to support something that is actually against that politician's personal religious views.) In other cases it's everyday average people discriminating against others because they don't like the way they look, or dress, or their sexual orientation. The list goes on and on, and in most cases someone chooses to use God or religion as their justification for their absolutely inappropriate behavior toward someone else.

It's so frustrating to me that in the 21st century we continue to fight with each other about who is right and who is wrong. Hasn't the human race evolved beyond that point? I'm no expert on all of the religions of the world, but I have to believe that if you took all of the major religious texts and boiled them down to their basic message that they would all say the same thing...Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men. Yet, for some reason, instead of working towards that end the human race seems to be intent upon fighting with one another, and more often than not, we use our religions to justify it!

Any person who has been reading this blog for some time should know that I firmly believe that there is a divine power at work in this world that performs miracles, both small and large, everyday. After what I have experienced there is no way that I can deny it. I am here today because of divine intervention, otherwise my life would have ended in the flames on October 22nd of 2005. However, that doesn't mean that I will refuse to associate, or will condemn, someone who doesn't agree with me. I cannot believe that God would have created this Earth, all creatures great and small, and then set the human race upon it with a mission to destroy anyone who would not agree with the majority about what religion is right, what sexual orientation is appropriate, or what political views were best! The focus of the human race must be Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men!

I am concerned about the future of the human race, should our current course continue. It is obvious that our planet is hurting. Our natural resources are drying up. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day they will be gone. Sadly, our global civilization has allowed much of our resources to stay in the hands of individuals and governments who dispense these resources for profit rather than working together to ensure that those in need receive the help they deserve. We continue to hurt one another and wage war when we should be working toward Peace. We continue to allow religious and political extremists to distract us from what we, as a race and global civilization must focus on. Education, health care, medical and scientific advancement, sharing resources globally to help those in need. The day will come, hopefully far in the future, where our world will no longer be able to sustain us, and I have to wonder what will happen to the human race when that day comes? Will we even still be here, or will we have exterminated ourselves long before that day comes? All because we continued to fight amongst ourselves rather than learning to be tolerant of each other and learn to celebrate the beauty of our differences. All because we did not insist that the leaders of our nations focus on Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men.

Now, forgive my rant, because I do believe that we have the power to change our current course. Everyday I meet people who are intelligent, rational thinking, people who believe in tolerance of one another and "agree to disagree" about views that do not align. I have to believe that we are actually in the majority. I do believe that Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men is achievable. It begins by taking the power away from the extremists who like to distract us. It begins by our governments focusing on the needs of the people of their nations rather than the profit of the corporations. From there we reach out to other nations to focus on the issues that face man kind as a race and global civilization. Only when we learn to be tolerant of each other can mankind truly achieve enlightenment and move toward the next stage in our evolution (spiritually and physically). What amazes me is that we have known the secret to that enlightenment for generations, but as a race we have refused to accept it! The answer is simple Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men.

Maybe this isn't the most uplifting message for the holiday season, and I apologize if this brings people down. That truly is not my intent. However, it seems to me that Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men, is what the holiday season is all about. I just think that it's time for us to focus on that goal for more than one or two months a year. It must become the focus of our entire race. This year please join me in this, my holiday wish and prayer, for Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men! It is not a simple saying or a pipe dream. It can be a reality. However, please remember that just as with any prayer or wish (or whatever you want to call the act of focusing positive energy on a desired outcome) it also takes action and conviction to make the dream of Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward Men a reality. Happy Holiday's!

Choosing to be Happy

2009-12-10T13:58:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago (before Thanksgiving) I met a friend of mine, who also happens to be an amputee, at Starbucks. We met about a year ago, shortly after I spoke to a class at IUPUI, and have developed a habit of meeting at Starbucks on a semi-regular basis to keep up to date with each other. His daughter was in the class at IUPUI and, after my speech, she had shared my information with him. He's become a source of motivation for me, and a great friend to enjoy coffee with! (I'm very grateful that his daughter connected us, but I'm now getting completely off topic, and I haven't even finished the first paragraph!)

Ok, let me try to get back on track...My friend and I were having coffee at Starbucks when a very nice woman came over to ask if I was the amputee that had been featured in the Indy Star the day before. (Things like that happen quite frequently now, but I still haven't gotten used to it!) Now, I had recently been interviewed for an article about traveling with special needs, but I wasn't sure when the article was going to run, so I had to ask the woman which article she was referring to. As it turned out the article she had seen was actually about another bi-lateral above knee amputee in the Indianapolis area. (our numbers are growing...maybe I should find him and start a plot to take over the world...just kidding...kinda...depends on what happens with Health Care!...again, just kidding...maybe...Ha!) The woman had also asked if I ever spoke to groups about my experiences, which of course I do, and I had given her my contact info. So, a week later, when the article that I had been interviewed for ran in the Star I was not at all surprised to come home and find a voicemail from a woman who said she had seen me at Starbucks the week before and she was interested in learning more about my story.

I called her back right away and was surprised to learn that this was not the woman that had approached my friend and I the week before. This woman had been sitting behind me, enjoying coffee with her husband, and we had never met! She is the host for a new talk show on WHMB (a local tv station) and she wanted to know if I would be interested in sharing my story. (The talk show series hasn't aired yet, and it still has a "working title", but I'll try to let people know when it will air in the future.) Now, of course, I was more than happy to share my story, so this past Monday I met with them for the taping of what will be the first show. What a great experience it was!

My portion of the show will be two 6 minute segments. Now, anyone who knows me can imagine how difficult it is for me to tell the story in 12 minutes! In this case we spent 6 minutes on the story of the accident and then about 6 minutes on my recovery and the prosthetics. After we were done with the taping I felt pretty confident that we had put together a pretty inspirational piece, but I have to wonder if I got the real point across. (I have this horrible habit of replaying conversations in my mind and finding better ways to say what was said.)

I know that I spent time talking about the importance of focusing on positive emotions, embracing your personal challenges as a part of life, and getting through the negative emotions. I also talked about making a conscious decision to be ok. These are important lessons that have allowed me to face each day. Looking back though, I wish that what I had said was that you have to make a conscious decision to be happy. That's the real lesson here. It's very easy to say, it's very difficult to embrace, but once you have made that decision it's actually very easy to stay positive.

Let me be clear. Making the decision to be happy is not making a decision to ignore things that make you angry, sad, afraid, jealous, etc... Those are very important emotions and we can only truly be happy when we face those things that make us feel negative emotions. Making the decision to be happy means accepting the negative and moving through it without allowing it to take over your life. Believe me, I have horrible days. I get upset when things are not going the way I want them to and I get scared and nervous on a regular basis. I can see a very dark place (figuratively) where I could get lost very easily, which is why I make a conscious decision to be happy, so that I don't get trapped in misery. Unfortunately it's not a decision that you can make today and expect everything to be good from now on. It's a decision that you have to make on a regular basis. Every time you start to feel the darkness taking hold you have to make that decision to be happy instead and you have to keep making that decision until you have dealt with the darkness and put it behind you. It can be exhausting!

Now, do you see how long it took me to make that one point? Do you understand why I'm concerned that I didn't get the point across in the short time that I had on the talk show? Regardless, it's done now and the past can't be changed, so I'm choosing to be happy! It really was a great experience and I'm looking forward to seeing the end result! Maybe, if I'm really lucky, Oprah will see it and decide to have me on at some point during her final season! (That's my veiled attempt to suggest to everyone who reads this that they write to Oprah and ask her to have me on her show.) (And that was my very transparent attempt to suggest the same thing!)

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and that you all take the time to enjoy this holiday season! This can be a very difficult time for everyone. People stress about the perfect gift, the financial stress of the season, some deal with loneliness while others get frustrated trying to see as many people as possible. Whatever the challenge, please remember to make the decision to be happy and maybe help someone else make that decision too!

(By the way, before I sat down to write this I walked for 15 minutes on the treadmill at an average pace of 1.9 mph. I had to make the decision to be happy several times during that 15 minutes!)

Crossing My Legs

2009-11-23T17:18:00.005-05:00

Along with my new sockets came some new flexibility as well. Switching from the pin lock sockets to the suction sockets also allowed my Prosthetist to make the sockets shorter than the old ones because these sockets don't have a locking mechanism at the bottom. This gave me a few options that I didn't have before. One option was to become about an inch or so shorter than I was with the other set. The other option was to put something between the end of the sockets and my knees to keep the same height.

Now, I've gotten used to being tall, and I really wasn't interested in buying new pants (or having the ones I currently have hemmed) so I decided to stay the same height. In order for that to happen my prosthetist needed to build up from the knee to the bottom of the socket. This gave me the chance to add something to each leg that I've wanted for a little over a year now. That "something" is called a rotation unit.

the rotation unit is the small piece between my knee and the socket (pictured above) that has a button on the side of it. When I press that button it allows me to actually rotate the knee so that I can cross my legs. You wouldn't think that this would be very important, but when you lose that flexibility you realize how important it really is! With the old system (pin lock) I couldn't add a rotation unit to the right leg because my residual limb is so long. It would have added unnecessary height that could have made balancing even more difficult than it already is. However, because I've learned to walk and balance (somewhat) at this height, staying this tall is not a problem. (getting taller could be)

With this new ability I can change my shoes without having to take my legs off, change clothes without having to take my legs off, and take pressure off my hips if the way I'm sitting is uncomfortable. I can't begin to express how good it felt to cross my legs for the first time in four years! Plus, the knee actually rotates 360 degrees, so if I step in something nasty it will be real easy to clean my shoes!

My New Year

2009-11-14T15:29:00.009-05:00

When I think about the fact that during this period of time in 2005 I was drifting in a medically induced coma, and can never regain that time, it makes me cherish this period of time from late October to early December so much more! I had a realization recently that, in a way, I've begun measuring my year off the date of the accident instead of New Years Eve. For some reason I feel renewed after October 22nd. Some of that may have to do with the fact that we have had amazing weather lately and it's felt more like spring than late fall. Some of it may also have to do with my new sockets (pictured above) that I got a little over two weeks ago. Perhaps some of it may also have to do with the fact that I attended a Burn Survivor Retreat the weekend before the accident. Whatever factors contribute to it, what's most important to me is the feeling that I've been given another year to explore this thing called life.

As you know, this year I recognized the anniversary of the accident by walking in the Easter Seals Crossroads "Walk With Me" fundraiser. It was a rainy evening, but the rain held off long enough for us to get in the 2 mile walk! (it drizzled on us for a while, but I found the drizzle to be quite refreshing!) I wish that I could say that I walked the entire 2 miles, but the truth is that I only made it about half a block before I had to sit down, add a sock, and reposition my left leg. I then walked for about a block and a half before my left leg started to rotate again. At that point I decided to use the wheelchair for the rest of the distance. I'm looking forward to seeing how much further I will be able to walk next year with the new sockets!

I received the new sockets the following week. They make such a difference in the way I walk that decided it was time to return to the Walden Inn & Conference Center for a visit. For those of you who don't know, the Walden Inn is where I was working when the accident happened. I hadn't visited my old staff since shortly after my position was eliminated. (Approximately two and a half years after the accident.) It was great to see everyone and I even managed to fit in lunch with one of the people who had rescued me from the burning wreckage of my jeep!

The following week was spent experimenting with the new sockets. I also spoke to the Fourth Grade students at New Britton Elementary School in Fisher's for their "Every One Counts" week. "Every One Counts" is a national program to educate students about the abilities of people with disabilities. The students asked some very astute questions and were a great audience!

My goals for my "new year" are pretty personal in nature. Some I will need to keep close to the chest for a while longer, but there are others that I can share with you now. Of course one of the top goals is to do whatever I can to help Congressman Carson's office promote H.R. 3088! (There is work going on behind the scenes. I promise to keep you updated when something happens!) Another continuing goal is to improve my ability to walk. (This is the one that will require the greatest physical effort!)I would like to get to a point where using one crutch on a daily basis is fully functional. My Prosthetist's goal for me is to walk without needing any crutches at all. Now, I have some safety concerns about that, but I would be happy to have the ability to walk without crutches and make the choice to use one crutch (or cane) for safety reasons. (For the record, I can walk pretty well with one crutch, but I've never tried to maneuver around/over obstacles without using both crutches.)

My new sockets provide me with improved stability and control while walking. I'm still having some issues standing without holding on to anything, but that just requires more adjustments to the alignment and continued balance work on my part. These are suction sockets, as opposed to my old pin-lock sockets, which provide a stronger connection to my residual legs. They are made out of a carbon-fiber weave, which is what gives them their unique look. (From what I understand most carbon-fiber weave sockets are usually entirely covered with some type of fabric.) The sockets are actually black, but the way the laminated weave reflects light almost makes them look like a black and white checkerboard pattern.

The first picture shows the images or "tattoos" that I chose to have laminated into the sides of the sockets. (Getting these images onto fabric was what led to my fall at Joann Fabrics!) The first picture also shows the distinct difference between how the sockets are aligned. Notice that my prosthetist made the left socket to account for the shortened tendons and muscles in my left hip. (He's actually aligned that socket so that it will stretch the tendons and muscles as I walk!) The second picture shows how my legs look from the front when I wear them. (Usually with shorts over them!) The third picture gives a better example of what the carbon-fiber weave actually looks like without the relection of the camera flash. (As you can see, even without the flash, the right socket is still reflecting a lot of light from a nearby wiondow.)

The "tattoos" on the side of each leg are, of course, from Star Wars. The image on the right leg is the Rebel Alliance insignia and the left leg bears the Jedi symbol. These images have a double meaning for me because (from what I've read) they were inspired by the Phoenix. Somehow I thought it would be fitting to have a representation of new life rising from the ashes on each of my legs!

Four Years Gone

2009-10-22T13:10:00.005-04:00

Today marks the fourth anniversary of the accident. This is always a difficult day for me, but I can honestly say that with each passing year it gets a little easier. Ignoring it would probably make it easiest, but I can't hear the date without remembering what happened on October 22nd of 2005. It's just one of those dates that I will never forget, like a birthday.

In many ways it is a new birthday for me. The day that one life ended and another began. It took a long time for me to realize that. This past year has been a lot about fully embracing my new life, and I can honestly say that it has taken me places I never expected to go. If you take a look at last years post "Three Years Gone" I talked about looking forward to an uncertain future and saying loudly "I AM NOT AFRAID!" Apparently I was really tempting fate, but I've had an eventful year and I wouldn't trade any of it for a second! (Unless Chrysler would have faced me in court.) :)

When I woke up this morning I found myself thinking about the road so far. From waking up delirious in a hospital bed and imagining things that weren't there to where I am today. Each year has been vastly different than the one before it. This was not the case in my pre-accident life. Almost every day (post college graduation) I awoke and went to work and dealt with the same issues over and over again. Sure, the people changed from time to time, and I moved around the country a bit, but my daily activities were always pretty similar from year to year. I certainly can't say that now.

Year one was all about recovery, physical therapy, exercises, more surgery, prosthetic training, driver training, and a gradual return to independence. Year two was about returning to my old life/old career, and the struggle between the person I was and the new person who had been forged in the Jeep fire. Prosthetic training and the quest for independence continued in year two as well. Year three was about accepting that who I had been no longer mattered as much as who I was becoming. It was about releasing that person, his dreams, his frustrations, his career, and the future he had planned so that I could truly embrace my new life. Year three also included more surgery. Year four has been about learning who this new Jeremy Warriner is without the burden of the past. My hope is that I have brought the best aspects of who I was and have built upon them to become a better person, while leaving the negative aspects of my past self behind. I have never felt more free to be me than I have this past year.

Whether I'm speaking to a group of children, or testifying before a Congressional subcommittee, the only person I have to worry about representing is me. That's huge. So, I don't have a job in the conventional sense, but the work I do is far more rewarding (emotionally) than working for someone else's profit was. My vision for the future is no longer guided by goals and measurements that someone in an office 100 miles away decided were important. My vision for the future is now set by me alone and whether I succeed or fail is up to me, and when I do fail I learn a lesson, as opposed to receiving a punishment. (If you've ever been given a written warning because you made a mistake, or you allowed someone who reports to you to make a mistake, then you understand what I'm talking about.)

As I found myself thinking about what brought me here I also found myself wondering why it's taken me so long to become who I am today? Did I really need to return to work after the accident, or was that just a waste of time? Did I have to go through all of the suffering and infections? Did I really have to lose my legs in a horrible fire? The answer to that question is clearly yes, or else I would not have had the experiences that have brought me to this point in time. I would still be worrying about whether all the towels were hanging evenly in the hotel rooms, whether all of the staff would show for work tomorrow, and numerous other things that, in the grand scheme of things, don't really make life better for any of us. And because the answer to that question is yes, the answer to all the other questions is yes as well. It truly is the journey that counts.

My journey has turned me into a person who lives in service to others. My life before the accident was spent in service to others as well but, as mentioned above, my service was for someone else's profit, and I don't mean profit for the people I was trying to serve. This past weekend I attended an Adult Burn Survivor retreat at Bradford Woods. Part of the retreat included several team building activities that were great fun, but also educational. What I learned was that, due to the way my prosthetics work, I could not complete all of the activities, but I could make certain that the rest of the group was able to succeed. There was a time when I would have been very frustrated by the fact that I couldn't do everything myself. What astounded me was that when I realized I couldn't do certain activities myself, but could help the group reach the goal, I wasn't frustrated in the least. Somewhere along the way I have learned to be happy with what I can do, and not let the things I can't do prevent me from enjoying myself.

A perfect example is how I'm choosing to recognize the anniversary this year. The first year we had a family dinner. The second year I think I just stayed home. The third year I had a party. This year I will take part in a two mile walk/fund raiser for Easter Seals Crossroads. I won't be able to physically walk the full two miles, but I was able to get others to walk and donate funds that will ensure several important programs for people with disabilities will be able to continue this year!

What will happen in year five? I have no idea. Will good things happen in year five? Absolutely. Will anything bad happen in year five? Most likely. Will I allow the bad things that happen in year five to hold me back and turn me negative? Absolutely not! Yes, it is the journey that counts, but more importantly, it is our perception of those events that make us who we are. Come on Year Five!

Taking a Fall

2009-10-10T18:02:00.003-04:00

Yep, that's right, I fell again. It's been well over a year since the last time I fell, so I guess it was time. What's funny about it...well, there are a lot of things funny about it...but what I find funniest is that I fell the day before going to UIndy to demonstrate how an amputee should fall for the PT students! Don't worry, I didn't get hurt, because I know how to fall, but I did break one of the trial suction sockets that I was talking about in the last update. This has set back the new socket project for a couple of weeks, but it won't get in the way of the "Walk With Me" fund raiser for Easter Seals Crossroads, and you can still join my team or make a donation! (If anyone found the link from my last update confusing, I've broken it up so that the join my team link takes you straight to the sign up page, and the make a donation link takes you straight to the donation page. Some people had issues.)

Last week I was at Joann Fabrics (To the guys who are reading this: I had a good reason for being there, but feel free to make jokes!) looking for iron on printer sheets. One of the reasons I'm so excited about the new sockets is that I get to customize them. There is an image that I want laminated into the sockets, but in order to do that I need to iron the image on to fabric. I had never been to Joann Fabrics before. The first thing that I noticed was that I was the only guy in the store. The second thing I noticed was that I was probably the only person under 45 in the store. I asked one of the women who works there where to find the iron on sheets. The lady pointed out an aisle at the back of the store.

I walked to the aisle, but became distracted by a piece of fabric at the end of the aisle before I found the iron on sheets. I had taken my hand off of my right crutch while I was looking at the fabric. When I was done, I put the fabric back and reached for the handle of my crutch. Before I had even touched the handle, my crutch fell apart!

I only saw what happened out of the corner of my eye. As my hand was coming down toward the handle I saw the crutch fall away from me, but the cuff of the crutch was still attached to my arm. My mind didn't really process this and, as I went reached for the crutch handle that was no longer there, I fell. I landed on my side and my back, with my legs (from hip to knee) up in the air. As I looked up, expecting to see my prosthetic legs, I realized something was very wrong. My right leg was missing!

Now, I've had that experience before, when I awoke from the medically induced coma four years ago, and I really never expected to have that very disorienting experience again. You would think that by now I would be used to looking at my legs and seeing nothing from knee to foot, but not when I'm wearing my prosthetics! It was actually quite a shock. I was still on my back, just staring at the socket on my right leg, which appeared fine, trying to figure out where the rest of my leg was, when the thought hit me that I had made a loud noise when I hit the floor and that all the women in the fabric store would probably come running any minute to find out what had happened. I couldn't let them find me laying on the floor! So I sat up.

What do you think I saw when I sat up? I saw my right leg laying on the floor in front of me, with the coupler that had (until the minute before) connected my C-Leg to the trial suction socket still attached to it. I had hit the floor hard enough that it had broken the epoxy that connected the coupler to the socket in half! I still had one good (hopefully) crutch, and if my leg hadn't broken I would have been able to get up and walk out. What was I going to do now? I began looking around for the women that I assumed would come to find out what had caused the loud noise. There was no one in sight.

I was about to call out for help when a lady, who was obviously not coming to find out what had happened, turned the corner of an aisle across the way. I looked up at her and said "hello, how are you?" She looked over at me and said "fine, how are you doing?" Obviously she had not quite registered the fact that I was sitting on the floor with two mechanical legs, one of which was not attached! My response to her questions was "actually, I could use your help." She took another look at me and said "OH MY GOD!! Are you ok?" Then the rest of the women came running.

I explained my situation and trusted the first woman with the keys to my car so that she, and one of the other ladies, could bring me the parts for my wheelchair. They were extremely concerned when I told them that it was in pieces, thinking that it was broken too, until I explained that it's meant to come apart! A few minutes later they returned and watched as I put it together. The real trick, was going to be transferring from the floor to the wheelchair. Something that I'm not good at doing on my own. I started to explain to the ladies how they could best help me, but then two women just grabbed me under the arms and lifted. (That part was a little embarrassing.) Once I was up I finished my shopping and then headed home.

One of the good things about getting new sockets is that I still have the old pin-lock sockets as well. When I got home I switched the sockets out and had two functional legs again! It's nice to have a back up. :)

The next day I took the broken socket to my Prosthetist so that he could fix it, which took about a week, and I could continue the trial period. After my visit with him I headed to UIndy where I demonstrated falling, climbing up and down stairs, and stepping over/off of curbs. The students got a big kick out of the Joann fabrics story, and were amazed at my ability to fall!

Catching Up

2009-09-28T15:28:00.006-04:00

I know, I've been bad about posting updates again. I have been extremely busy, but that's no excuse. The fact is that as my life becomes more "normal" I have a hard time coming up with things to talk about. What I forget, is that what is now "normal" to me is probably very different from what is "normal" for you. Over the past several months my life has become so involved with this Chrysler/GM bankruptcy mess that I forgot that there might be other things that you would find interesting. As a result, because not much is happening on that end, I've neglected to do an update for a while, so let me catch you up...

As I said, not much is happening in regards to the fight to get the pending cases against Chrysler and GM heard in court. That's not to say that nothing is happening, it's just very "behind the scenes" type of stuff right now. I can say that I've been in touch with several consumer groups and congressional offices, and we are moving forward, but at this point we're kind of in an information gathering phase. It's clear that niether Chrysler nor GM will do the right thing and accept responsibility for the pending claims, which means that the solution must come in the form of congressional legislation. In order to get any legislation passed we must be able to provide Congress with a comprehensive picture of who has been injured, how they've been injured, and what the financial impact is on the states in which we live. We're working on putting that picture together now. More on that in the coming weeks.

In the meantime I've been juggling appointments with my Prosthetist, visits with patients at the Wishard Hospital Burn Unit, and public speaking opportunities. For obvious reasons I can't really talk about my visits with patients at the hospital, other than to say that the experience has been helpful to me. It's also been really great to see the nursing staff that took care of me (when I was a patient) on a regular basis. Now that school is back in session I have several speeches at the IUPUI School of Education, and the University of Indianapolis Physical Therapy School on my calendar. I could spend time talking about the speeches, but it's mostly the same material. If something interesting comes up I'll be sure to fill you in. I will say this though, this Wednesday is going to be a crazy day!

I have an appointment with my Prosthetist in the morning, which will take several hours. After that I have an appointment with Indiana Vocational Rehabilitation, who is working with me in regards to future employment (this is one of those state resources, upon which I place a financial burden). After the Voc Rehab appointment I will head to UIndy where I will work with a class of Physical Therapy students. It will be a long and eventful day!

What probably would be of great interest to you is the work that I've been doing with my Prosthetist. We're in the process of changing my suspension system (the sockets that attach the prostheses to my legs) from a pin-lock system to a suction system. One of the biggest issues that I've had is that my left prosthetic leg, and sometimes my right, will start to rotate while I'm walking. This is caused by a combination of issues. Shrinkage of my residual limb, however slight, will cause my sockets to loosen. When that happens the prosthetic will start to spin around the pin, because that is the only point that the leg actually attaches to the liner on my residual limb. Other changes inside the socket that are caused by the force of walking also add to the rotation issue. Needless to say, it becomes quite uncomfortable to walk when the foot is facing the wrong direction and higher parts of the socket start to move toward my groin. (ouch)

The suction sockets will eliminate the pin and give the socket a connection to the liner all the way around my leg, which should also eliminate the rotation issue. The new sockets will also allow my Prosthetist to improve the alignment of my legs and hopefully give me more balance. I've already taken a few steps in the paralell bars without holding on to anything. It's very unsteady and looks goofy. Not sure that I'll ever become fully functional without at least one crutch, but it's something to hope for! The process of changing systems is long and, in this case, fairly drawn out.

First there was the "fitting", which happened about three weeks ago. The fitting required the Prosthetist to make a cast of each of my legs (residual limbs). There were some definite differences between how my old Prosthetist did a fitting, and how my new Prosthetist does them. First of all, my old Prosthetist did it differently every time. Sometimes he made a cast, sometimes he took a computer image, sometimes he just took measurements. The only thing that was consistent was that he always did these things while I was laying down, which never made any sense to me. Sure, at first, when I didn't have a leg to stand on there was no choice, but after I got my temporary legs, wouldn't it make sense to cast one leg while I was standing on the other? Which is exactly how the new Prostetist did it! Granted, it took a great deal of effort for me to stand in the paralell bars on one leg while he made a plaster cast of my residual limb, but that allowed him to get a cast of my leg in the position that it would need to be in for my prosthesis to work properly!

The next step was to try on the "check sockets", which happened about two weeks ago. Check sockets are clear plastic sockets that allow the Prosthetist to see where the pressure points are in the socket and make adjustments. The third step, which is entirely new to me, is a trial period, which started last Thursday. After making the adjustments to the check sockets my Prosthetist wrapped them in fiberglass to reinforce their strength. This allows me to take them home and practice with them for a little while. My old Prosthetist would just make the adjustments and then give me the permanent sockets. If there was a problem later that I wasn't aware of when I tried the check sockets on, then we'd have to start the process over again. The trial period has allowed me to figure out what I like about the sockets and what I don't like about them over time, so that when the permanent sockets are made we'll know that they are as perfect as possible. There are a few issues, which means more adjustments will need to be made, and I'll probably need another trial period after that, but the final product will be that much better! This Wednesday's appointment is the follow up to the first trial.

Now, before I go, there is something else that I've gotten involved in that I want to tell you about. As many of you know, the anniversary of my accident is now less than a month away. (Can it really be four years already!?) On the anniversay of my accident (Thursday, October 22nd) Easter Seals Crossroads, the organization that taught me to drive again, is holding a fund raiser called "Walk With Me". Easter Seals Crossroads provides many programs and services to the disability community that most people never think about. Early Interviention/First Steps (0-3 years of age), Children's Medical Rehab with Developmental, Physical, Occupational, and Speech therapies (3-18 years of age), Autism Services, Respite Services, Transition Services (high school and university levels), Driver Education and Training w/assistive technology, Low-vision in home services, Physician's Clinic (PM&R), Employment Services, Assistive Technology Services & INDATA Project, Augmentative Communication for children and adults, Deaf Community Services, and others.

As a result of difficult economic times many Easter Seals affilliates around the country are having to cut programming due to funding. As of yet Easter Seals Crossroads in Indianapolis has not cut any programs and we need to make certain that they don't have to! I've decided to take part in the fund raiser, which is a 2 mile walk across Butler University's campus. (Not sure that I'll walk the full 2 miles, but I'll definitely walk some of it, and then see if I can find a cute single lady to carry me the rest of the way!) I've created a team, Jeremy's Jedi, (couldn't resist the Star Wars reference!) to raise money for Easter Seals. This organization taught me how to drive again, which was a BIG STEP in regaining my independence, and that's why I want to support them. If you click on the team name it will take you to a site where you can either join my team, or make a donation. Please do not feel obligated. I'm doing this because it's an organization that has helped me tremendously and, as it is the anniversary of the accident, it will help me make something positive out of a day that holds such tragic memories.

Enrolling in Medicare

2009-09-11T11:05:00.001-04:00

No major news yet, in regards to the next effort to get the pending claims, like mine, against Chrysler and GM heard in court. I'll be in a conference call later today to discuss how we move forward. So you can expect an update on that sooner rather than later. Once I have all my ducks in a row. As I mentioned in the last post, not much has happened on that front because Congress has been in recess. We know that neither Chrysler nor GM will do the right thing and voluntarily meet those of us who have suffered losses, as a result of their defective vehicles, in court. Our only chance for justice now lies with the United States Congress.

Now, just because Congress was in recess and not much happened with the beast that has taken over much of my life in the past month, don't think I've been sitting around playing video games all month! (Although I have to admit I've done my share of that!) I've been quite busy, meeting with my new Prosthetist, visiting burn survivors in the burn unit, getting involved with both burn and amputee support groups, but the biggest thing was that I was finally able to put one very important issue to bed.

I'm finally on Medicare. (Now, I've had the Medicare Hospital insurance ever since I was approved for Social Security Disability, but I had turned down the Health Care portion because I was still covered by my employers plan. Now that I am no longer employed, COBRA is getting too expensive and I needed to make a change.) The easy thing for me to have done would've been to sign the enrollment form during the normal enrollment period at the beginning of the year. (Once you're eligible for Medicare they send you a form to enroll between January 1st and March 31st, which is the normal enrollment period.) Could I do it the easy way? No, of course not!

At the beginning of the year I was paying into COBRA, which is not cheap, but decided to wait on enrolling for Medicare, because our President's stimulus package was supposed to make COBRA more affordable. I wanted to wait to see which would be the better financial option for me. (I should have known better!) I contacted Medicare to find out if I could wait until the information about the stimulus package was released, and they gave me an extended enrollment period because I wasn't technically unemployed until the beginning of this year. Ultimately, of course, the reduction in COBRA cost from the stimulus package did not apply to me because I'm eligible for Medicare. (Would have been nice to know that up front!)

When I finally made the decision to enroll in Medicare I contacted the Social Security office. (They handle enrollment.) I had assumed I would just need to send in the enrollment form, but they needed additional information from my previous employer. (Again, would have been nice to know this when they extended my enrollment period!) So, with very little time left I managed to get the paperwork they needed, send it to my old employer in California, get it signed and sent back to me, and then hand deliver it to the Social Security Office.

Once I had delivered the paper work I assumed that everything was done, and for the most part it was, but several weeks went by and I hadn't received anything confirming that I was on Medicare. I finally started making calls. The folks at Social Security were able to confirm that I was enrolled, but in the process I uncovered a bigger issue. Somehow Medicare had gotten a hold of information about the accident and they had the other drivers auto insurance listed as the "liability insurance" for anything related to injuries from that "incident". What that means is that they would deny any claims related to my amputations. Adjustments to my prostheses, future physical therapy, wheelchairs, etc... I have very few medical expenses that are not related to that "incident"!

Now, you should know that the other drivers auto insurance did pay out the maximum on her policy in the very early days after the accident. You should also know that the maximum on her policy, while it was a substantial amount that is standard on most auto insurance policies, was eaten up by the first week of medical expenses. That policy was exhausted long ago. Of course, Medicare would not take my word for it when I informed them that their information was wrong. I had to track down the other driver's insurance agent and get them to fax a letter to medicare informing them that the policy in question no longer existed.

It took a few days to reach the insurance agent, and I assumed this would take a long time to work out. To my surprise, once I had spoken with the agent, I had a copy of the fax in my email less than 20 minutes later! From what I understand it takes a full week from the point a fax is received by Medicare for someone at Medicare to actually look at it. I'm not positive that the whole thing has been worked out yet but, if not, it will be soon.

Obviously this is an important issue to get straightened out, but I want to be sure you understand my sense of urgency here. I've been working with my new Prosthetist on getting new sockets for my legs. Hopefully the new sockets will allow me to fix several issues that I have been dealing with when walking. Also, this should allow him to start making the adjustments that may give me the ability (or potential ability) to walk without crutches! I've already had the fitting for the new sockets, sockets that I will be able to customize in regards to appearance. The process includes several stages, but I should have the new sockets in about 6 weeks. I'm very excited, and I promise to keep you informed as we go on this ride together!

A Major Victory, but the War Continues

2009-08-30T14:49:00.004-04:00

I've had another busy week of running around, helping friends, celebrating Mom's Birthday, and I even found time to attend a class on ADA regulations! One of the best parts of my week was taking Mom to breakfast on her Birthday. We went to Bub's Cafe in Carmel, sat outside, and enjoyed a relaxing morning. The rest of the week just flew by. A lot of people, even some that I've never met, have been asking about what's happening with the pending cases against Chrysler and GM.

With Congress in recess throughout August not much has happened in regards to advocating for myself and the other victim's of Chrysler and GM. The only real effort that I was involved in this month was writing letters to each of the members of Chrysler's Board of Directors. Mom and Dad, and several other victims of Chrysler vehicles, wrote letters as well. The goal of the letters was to get the Board of Directors to realize the safety risks created by not accepting responsibility for pending claims and the safety of their 31 million pre-bankruptcy vehicles that are currently on the road.

Now, imagine my surprise to learn that Chrysler has finally accepted responsibility for future claims caused by defective pre-bankruptcy vehicles! This is a major victory, but the war continues. Unfortunately they are still refusing to address pending claims. The safety of 31 million vehicle owners has been restored. That is one of the goals that we set out to achieve. Whether our efforts had anything to do with Chrysler's change of heart or not, I am extremely proud to feel like a part of it. I do know that this would not have happened without the support of Senators and Congressmen. Which shows me that our voices can make a difference and motivates me to continue fighting. The war will not be over until the people who have been injured, the people who have been fighting this fight, get to argue our cases against Chrysler and GM in court.

My hope is that this turn of events will make it easier to legislation through congress to support the victims of both Chrysler and GM. Now that Chrysler has accepted future claims the number of people who have been injured by these companies, and abused by the federal bankruptcy process, is a solid number. Ron Bloom, from the President's Auto Task Force has previously stated that they won't write endless checks to the people who have been injured by these companies. Well, now we're only talking about approximately 1300 people, and that number could be reduced by allowing these cases to be heard in court.

I'm not sure what happens at this point. Now the game board has changed dramatically. However, the issue is much clearer. Those of us who have been injured, or lost family members, as a result of defective Chrysler or GM vehicles have also lost our right to hold these companies accountable through the bankruptcy process that was funded with our tax dollars! Our Congress must pass legislation that allows our cases to be heard in court and provides appropriate financial recovery for our losses. Currently the only proposed legislation is H.R. 3088, The Jeremy Warriner Consumer Protection Act (it still feels weird to say that!). The Bill may need to be changed to adjust for the new situation. A companion bill, or some other legislation still needs to be introduced in the Senate. More importantly, we must gain as many co-sponsors as possible for the legislation. (H.R. 3088 only has four co-sponsors.) We need to get as many people as possible to talk to their Congressmen and Senators offices about this issue.

As I learn more details about what is happening in Washington I will let you know how you can help. Right now the most important thing is to talk about it with family, friends, and co-workers. Build support, find out who is concerned about it, and ask them to speak up when we know what's happening with the legislation.

Taking a break

2009-08-20T16:26:00.002-04:00

How in the world is it already August 20th! So, after that long post about how busy I've been things have kind of slowed down over the last few weeks. Congress is in recess this month so not much has been happening in regards to advocating for support of the bill. (No spur of the moment trips to DC or impromptu protests!) Of course, I'm still plenty busy, but it's been a little more relaxing.

On August 7th I gave the keynote speech at the Easter Seals Crossroads Assistive Technology Conference. There were about 500 people in attendance and the conference was fantastic! I hadn't spoken about anything other than the Chrysler/GM bankruptcy debacle for some time and I have to admit that it was refreshing to change focus for a while. Before my speech I was awarded the Assistive Technology "Inspiration" Award. The original plan for the keynote was to have an interview style presentation between myself and Wade Wingler (the Director of Assistive Technology at Easter Seals Crossroads), but at the last minute I decided to wing it on my own.

For some reason, even though I've had plenty of experience with public speaking, I was a bit intimidated when I was first asked to do this speech. Perhaps it was because I would need to stick to about 20 minutes, instead of rambling on about myself for an hour. Perhaps it was because it would be the first time that I would actually speak to an audience from a stage at the convention center. For whatever reason, when Wade offered an interview style keynote I was a chicken and took the out he was offering. However, in the days before the conference I started thinking about Assistive Tech, how beneficial it has been to me, and ultimately decided to drop Wade from the presentation and do my own thing. So far the reviews have been positive, and I think it was the first time that I've ever received a standing ovation!

A special treat was to have my Mom and my Uncle Mike present for the speech, and they attended the one hour session that I ran afterwards. I kept thinking about how important it was to me to have Uncle Mike home so much in the days after the accident. (For those of you who don't know, my Mom's brother is the Director of Orchestral Studies at Georgia State.) When he's not teaching he's traveling around the country, or the world, with other orchestras, so the fact that he dropped everything and came home was extremely special. I know he was a huge help to my parents, but for me it was special just to spend time with him. I got more quality time with him in those weeks than I think I ever had in my life! But, I digress...

The fact that Mom and Uncle Mike were in the audience was so special to me. While Dad and Sarah have gotten to hear me speak to groups, no one else in the family has ever been part of my audience. While I was on the stage I found myself thinking "this must be how Uncle Mike feels when we come to one of his concerts!" After the keynote I led a one hour question and answer session. I was completely comfortable with this because it was so similar to speaking to classes at IUPUI and UIndy. I had warned Mom and Uncle Mike that I wouldn't censor my answers because they were there and wanted them to be prepared if a topic that we had never discussed came up. They both assured me that whether or not we had discussed some of the more sensitive issues, they certainly knew that I had dealt with them.

Since the conference I have had several visits with patients in the Burn Unit and have been busy with other more "normal" day to day activities. I had a great visit with my new Prosthetist, who is convinced that with some new sockets, alignment adjustments to my legs, and a lot of work on my part that I will be able to walk without the crutches. We'll see...

Oh yeah, the day before the conference I was interviewed by the Indianapolis Star about how "healthy living" has helped with my recovery. The author took a one hour interview and turned it into a really nice short article. A few things got lost in translation, but I really like how it came out! Ever since that article ran people keep stopping me to tell me how inspiring I am. I still have issues with that, but it's nice to know that I'm having a positive impact on people!

I have to admit that I also became obsessed with watching the final season of Battlestar Galactica, which was recently released on DVD. Perhaps that's how August 20th crept up on me so fast...

The Whirlwind of Life

2009-07-31T14:54:00.002-04:00

The past few weeks have truly been a whirlwind! It started when I tried to get a way for a short vacation with my family, and hasn't quite stopped yet. A little over two weeks ago, on a Wednesday, I set out to join Mom, Dad, Sarah (my Sister), and Madeline (my 8 year old Niece) in South Haven, Michigan for a few days. I was nervous about driving four hours by myself, because after the accident I had trouble staying awake during the one hour commute to work, but I had decided that I could do it, even if I had to stop to rest a few times on the way.

As it turned out, the only time I was sleepy during the drive was while I was driving through Kokomo (about 45 minutes into the drive). I was struggling to stay awake, and was about to stop, when my cell phone rang. (For those of you who don't know, my car has a blue tooth connection with my cell so that I can take calls while my hands are busy with the hand controls that allow me to drive.) The call was from Senator Lugar's office in Indianapolis! They wanted to know if I could meet with the Senator on Friday afternoon. This didn't really fit with my vacation plans, but I had been asking for an opportunity to meet with Senator Lugar for several weeks, so I wasn't going to pass up my chance!

I arrived in South Haven around 6pm that night and settled in to the little house my family had rented for the week. From an accessibility stand point the only major issue was that my wheelchair would not fit through the bathroom door. For me to shower, or do anything else that one does in a bathroom :), I would have to get on the floor, scoot across the hall to the bathroom, and then brace myself between the toilet and the tub to lift myself up. Once I was off the floor I would either swing onto the toilet or my shower bench, depending on what business brought me to the bathroom in the first place. (I'm assuming that's enough said about that!) The only other real accessibility issue for me was that, unless I had my legs on, I could not leave the house on my own. This didn't come into play, but it was difficult to accept that I couldn't even go out on the front porch in my wheelchair without help.

Wednesday night we had a nice family dinner and then went to Sherman's Ice Cream, which is a fantastic nightly treat when we are in South Haven. Madeline and I split an ice cream spaghetti and meatball dinner! (french vanilla ice cream noodles, chocolate ice cream meatballs, strawberry marinara sauce, and white chocolate parmesan cheese) It was scrumptious! Thursday morning we started off the day with doughnuts, then went to Fenn Valley Winery to taste some wine (Madeline tasted sparkling juice), and then we were off to Crane's Orchard (they have all sorts of yummie fruits and berries!)for lunch. After all of that we headed for the beach, which some of you may recall I was concerned that I would not enjoy one bit. I'm happy to report that I had a wonderful time! As you can see from the pictures above, Madeline and I had a great time in the water! We rounded out the day with a nice dinner at a local restaurant and then took Madeline to see Ice Age 3. Oh yeah, before dinner Madeline took me to the candy store that I mentioned in a blog update a few weeks ago. It really is like Candy land, except real! I'm still eating salt water taffy! After such a great day it was hard for me to leave the next morning, but I had a an appointment with Senator Lugar that afternoon and I wasn't going to miss it, so I ate a few doughnuts and then headed home.

The drive home was uneventful. I arrived home with just enough time to shower, shave, and make myself presentable for my Senatorial visit. the Senator and I had a great conversation. I presented him with a packet of information, including the stories of several other victims and we discussed the situation with Chrysler and GM at great length. For now I'll just say that he is very concerned about the issue and that his staff and I speak on a regular basis.

The following Monday I intended to start working on letters to all of the representatives who are on the committee that will consider the merits of H.R. 3088, the bill that bares my name. However, at about 1:30 that afternoon I received a call from the Center for Justice and Democracy asking if I could be in DC that Wednesday to testify before the House Sub-Committee on Commercial and Administrative Law about the Ramifications of Auto Industry Bankruptcies. Of course I said yes! The CDJ helped make my travel arrangements while I started preparing for the trip. Then, around 4pm that afternoon I received an official invitation, via email, to testify. The invitation included instructions. I hadn't realized that I would need to prepare a written statement to submit to the Sub-Committee before 9am the next day! From that point on I was focused on my written statement, which included the study that had been done by Safety Research Strategies and a packet that tells the stories of several other victims. I finally crashed around 1am and then got up at 7am on Tuesday morning to finish it up, go over it with a friend from the American Association for Justice, and then worked on my oral statement until it was time to go to the airport!

My cousin Minda, her husband Mario, and their three children picked me up in DC. We enjoyed a great dinner and then they took me to my hotel, which was another adventure in itself! The hotel was beautiful, but they didn't have a room ready for me, and all of the accessible rooms were occupied! It was 8pm, so I had every right to get upset that they didn't have my guaranteed accessible room ready when I arrived, but I spent many years on the other side of the desk and I know how things can get royally screwed up. It took about an hour for them to get the non accessible room ready, but one quick look at the room and I could tell it wouldn't work, so I convinced the desk supervisor to call the guests in the accessible rooms and find someone who didn't need that room type and get them to switch. Much longer story short, everything worked out in the end.

On Wednesday morning I listened to representatives of Chrysler and GM testify. Needless to say, I needed a (figurative) shovel to get to the witness table to give my testimony that afternoon. The members of the committee seemed to receive my testimony well. According to the audience the whole room was focused on me while I spoke. It was very hard to get everything I wanted to say into the five minutes I was allowed, but I think they got the point. I truly believe that we are getting the attention we need.

As I was waiting in the airport for my flight to come home to Indy I received a text message from someone at the CJD informing me that "some kind of action" was being put together for the first meeting of Chrysler's CEO and Board of Directors, which would be the next Monday. So, I returned home, squeezed as much into the next four days that I could to get caught up on the rest of my life, and then flew to Detroit on Sunday! On Monday morning we held a protest and press conference outside Chrysler headquarters. The real goal was to get a meeting with them, but we new that wouldn't happen. Our secondary goal was to hand deliver a letter addressed to the CEO that details our concern that Chrysler will not succeed because it has now effectively turned it's back on all customers who have purchased their vehicles in the past. There are over 30 million Chrysler vehicles currently on the road and Chrysler no longer has any responsibility for the safety of those vehicles! One million of those vehicles are under warranty, which means that if a part that is under warranty injures you, Chrysler will fix the part, but they won't help with your medical expenses or funeral costs!

We had a lot of press coverage and several people protesting. The press conference went well and then we went across the street to the Chrysler compound to request a meeting. The security staff refused to contact the CEO, so we headed in to the compound to try to reach the main building. A police car quickly pulled up in front of us to block our path and informed us that we were tress passing and that we needed to turn around. For a moment I thought about pointing out the fact that our tax dollars were used to purchase Chrysler, so technically we were not tress passing, but I didn't want to wind up in jail. In the end Chrysler's Director of Security accepted our letter.

Now, I'm continuing to work on this fight, however, I do have other things happening in my life as well. Next Friday I will deliver the key note speech at the Indiana Assistive Technology Conference, and will hold an hour session afterwards to talk about my experiences since the accident. Yesterday Wade Wingler from Easter Seals Crossroads, who is in charge of the conference, and I had a live interview on WTHR. The interview includes the details of the conference, so please click on the link to watch it! The conference is open to the public, and I encourage everyone to come!

Now, what else does next week have in store for me...? I'll be sure to fill you in when I find out! For now, I need to get going so that I can get ready for the People's Burn Foundation fund raiser that's being held at the Indiana Roof Ballroom tonight. Oh yeah, and tomorrow morning I'll join the Indianapolis Resource Center for Independent Living at UIndy for their Wheel-A-Thon fund raiser. For someone who is supposed to be unemployed, I'm certainly working alot!

Monday Morning, 11am

2009-07-26T13:31:00.002-04:00

At 11am on Monday morning several Chrysler victims and I will be involved in a Press Conference outside the Chrysler headquarters in Detroit. Our goal is to get the attention of the new Chrysler CEO and Board of Directors to request a meeting. The details are in the "A Lot to Tell, No Time to Talk" post below. Please take a moment at 11am tomorrow to say a prayer for us and send your positive energy my direction. Three and a half years ago, I truly believe your spiritual support helped to keep me alive. Now I'm asking for that support again, to help me, and the other victims, find the right words during the press conference to gain public support and the attention of Chrysler. I truly hope they hear our message!

A Lot to Tell, No Time to Talk

2009-07-25T20:42:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I have a lot to share with you. Details about my vacation, a visit with a Senator, and testifying before the House Subcommittee on Commercial and Administrative Law about the Ramifications of the Auto Industry Bankruptcies. Unfortunately I have no time to get into those stories, but I promise I will as soon as I can catch a breath.

Tomorrow (Sunday) evening I will fly to Detroit to join with other victims of defective Chrysler vehicles. On Monday the new Chrysler/Fiat CEO and the Board of Directors will meet at the Chrysler headquarters. At approximately 10am on Monday we (the victims) will hold a Press Conference near the building and attempt to gain their attention to request a meeting.

I promise I will fill you in on what has been happening in my life as soon as I get a chance! For now though, I need to focus on laundry, spend some quality time with my cats, and try to get some rest. I'm completely exhausted!

The following is the invitation that was sent to the media, feel free to share this information with everyone you know. Be sure to watch the news on Monday, we're hoping this gets national attention!

MEDIA ADVISORY

CHRYSLER VICTIMS APPEAL TO NEW CHRYSLER CEO, SEEK MEETING

--Victims from 3 States Schedule News Conference Monday at Chrysler's Headquarters Prior to Board of Directors Meeting; Victims Will Attempt to Hand-Deliver a Letter to Chrysler/Fiat CEO Board of Director, Sergio Marchionne and newly formed Board of Directors, seeking a meeting--

WHO: Christina and Brian Catalano of St. Clair Shores, MI, whose mother was killed by a runaway Chrysler minivan; Jeremy Warriner of Indianapolis, IN, whose legs were so badly burned by a fire in a Chrysler vehicle that they had to be amputated; and Patrick James of Knoxville, TN, whose daughter was killed in a Chrysler van that flipped over. A representative from the Center for Justice and Democracy. More family members, friends and supporters.

WHAT: Chrysler victims who have been severely injured and families with parents or children who died as a result of unsafe defective Chrysler cars will hold a press conference and also attempt to personally deliver a letter to “New” Chrysler CEO Sergio Marchionne and the new Chrysler Board of Directors. The new Board is meeting on Monday for the first time, beginning a 3-day briefing/formal board meeting. The families are asking Chrysler to restore consumer protections that were eliminated during the bankruptcy process when the company refused to take responsibility for deaths and injuries caused by safety defects in any Chrysler vehicles now on road. The victims want consumers to know that Chrysler is the only car company in the world that is not responsible for deaths and injuries caused by defects in future crashes. General Motors, which went through the same bankruptcy process, agreed to take responsibility for defective GM vehicles when fatalities and injuries occur after this month's bankruptcy, but Chrysler is evading its responsibility.

At the event, there will be a defective Chrysler minivan on display. The minivan was rear ended in 2007 and both front seats collapsed resulting in the death of one child in the back seat. A second child in the back seat suffered a skull fracture. This is a common safety defect in millions of Chrysler minivans. Other visuals include consumers holding "Justice for Chrysler Victims" signs and posters created by victims displaying photos of loved ones who were injured or killed by defective Chrysler vehicles.

WHERE: Public access location as close as possible to Chrysler Headquarters -- exact location TBA

WHEN: Approximately 10 AM -- EXACT TIME TBA

Rolling with the Waves of Change

2009-07-21T11:43:00.005-04:00

I had intended on doing an update on how our vacation went, the fun I had with the family, and the challenges that we had to adjust to, but it seems that I'm being carried away by the waves again. Yesterday I received an invitation to testify before the House Judiciary Subcommittee on Commercial and Administrative Law in one of their hearings on the Ramifications of the Auto Industry Bankruptcies. Of course I said yes, but that means that I'm getting on a plane later today and will be testifying tomorrow morning! The hearing is at 10am on Wednesday. I have no idea if it will be covered on CSPAN, but you might want to take a look, just in case.

In regards to the vacation, for now I'll just say this. I had to cut the trip short because, while I was driving to Michigan last Wednesday afternoon I was caught up in another wave. Senator Lugar's office called to see if I could meet with the Senator at 5pm that Friday. I still went to South Haven, but only got to spend one full day with my family, and then headed back to Indy on Friday morning to meet with Senator Lugar.

Needless to say, I'll have a lot to share with you in my next update! Look for it toward the end of the week. Now I have to go pack!

Changing Latitude

2009-07-13T23:32:00.005-04:00

Hello All! I know that I'm beginning to sound like a broken record, and I apologize for that. Raising support for the Bill that bears my name seems to have become my life. In fact I even find myself thinking about what needs to be said, and the best way to say it, when I'm doing other things! So this time I'm going to try to limit it.

If you want to hear what I have to say about the situation with Chrysler and GM, and why the Bill needs support, you can listen to me talk on a YouTube video. Feel free to share the video with others who don't follow this blog. I've also found a site where you can track the Bill's progress and see what committee is going to consider it. From that site you can also see what Representative's are on the committee and find their contact information. If any of them are your Representatives please send them a letter (see side bar) and give them a call.

Now, in addition to this I've been juggling a lot of other things and have allowed myself to get a little stressed. Part of the stress was actually trying to decide about whether or not to go on vacation with Mom, Dad, Sarah, and Madeline. They left on Saturday to go to South Haven, Michigan for a week. It's a beautiful Lake Michigan beach town! When we were kids we went there on a regular basis. It was always one of my favorite places. We spent a week there about a year after the accident and, even though I had a good time, it was emotionally difficult for me.

Having experienced South Haven during my life before the accident made me feel very limited now. For example, I could sit in my wheelchair on the sidewalk by the beach, but I couldn't go on the beach. It's a great town to walk around in but that would require so much energy that I wound up spending more time in the wheelchair than I like, and the town itself isn't very accessible. So, I had pretty much decided that I wasn't going to go this year, but I also didn't want to miss the time with Madeline. (ok, the rest of the family too) :)

I was very torn because this time Mom has found a place that rents beach wheelchairs and Mom and Dad are renting a cottage near the beach. Last time we had to stay in separate hotels because their hotel wasn't accessible at all. I think I almost made myself sick last week when I was trying to decide what to do. Ultimately I decided to go, but I was only going to stay for the weekend, because I just have too many things happening to be gone all week. Of course, this was also stressing me out!

The relief finally came when my friend Pantelis (Pete) Koukoutsis (his full name is so much fun to say!) called to remind me that he was coming to visit on Saturday. I had forgotten because we hadn't talked for a long time. This surprise finally made me think outside the box and I decided to stay home for the weekend, get some stuff done on Monday and Tuesday, and then head up to Michigan on Wednesday afternoon. As soon as I decided to do that I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders!

This way I get to spend a couple of days in South Haven with the family and they can get all the "walking around town" stuff done before I get there. Madeline has already called to tell me that there is a candy store that she has to show me. According to her it's like Candy Land but real! I'm still a little uncertain about the beach, but I'm willing to give it a shot. A change in latitude is definitely in order!

Why you should support the Jeremy Warriner Consumer Protection Act

2009-07-03T12:40:00.004-04:00

(I know, I'm preaching to the choir, but there may be some new visitors to the site who aren't fully up to speed with what's going on.)

Congressman Andre Carson has introduced H.R. 3088, the Jeremy Warriner Consumer Protection Act. I'm honored that he has named the bill after me, but please remember that I am just one of hundreds, if not thousands, of people who have been injured by Chrysler and GM. What we are fighting for is our right to face Chrysler and GM in court and argue our cases.

This effects everyone, because Chrysler has not only used our bankruptcy laws to get out of current pending cases, but they have also been given protection from any future injuries or deaths caused by their vehicles that were sold before May 30th of this year. Which means if you get injured, or your loved one is killed, by one of these vehicles you cannot face them in court either. GM has agreed to accept liability for future injuries and deaths caused by "old GM" vehicles that occur after the bankruptcy. However, they are not accepting liability for any pending cases, or new injuries or deaths that occur while they are in the bankruptcy court. Here's the kicker, we are paying with our tax dollars to create these companies that have less responsibility to the American people than any other auto manufacturer.

H.R. 3088, the Jeremy Warriner Consumer Protection Act restores that right by requiring any auto manufacturer who receives federal funding, either through ownership or through loans (currently only Chrysler and GM), to purchase liability insurance that will cover any pending claims from the "old companies" and any future claims. This should be important to you because, if Chrysler and GM do not accept responsibility for injuries and deaths caused by their vehicles then these cases must be heard before a jury. If that doesn't happen then the defects that caused these injuries and deaths will never get reported, important recalls will not be issued in a timely manner, and more people will be injured or possibly killed. I speak from experience when I tell you that the saying "it won't happen to me" will not protect you. Being a member of the UAW, working for GM or Chrysler, or choosing to be Republican or Democrat will not protect you either. A defective vehicle can, and will, cause disabling injuries and deaths.

Supporting this bill ensures our Constitutional 7th Amendment right to a civil trial so that we can hold these companies, that we have created with our tax dollars, accountable for injuries and deaths caused by their vehicles. Supporting this bill restores important consumer safety protections that have been jeopardized by the bankruptcy process by ensuring that dangerous defects get tracked by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and that important recalls get issued in a timely manner. Supporting this bill gives our Government the opportunity to show that it is still a government For The People!

You can show your support for this bill by contacting your Congressmen, Senators, and the White House. Click here to find out how to contact your Representatives in the Government. The following is a form letter that you can copy and paste into a word document to send to your Congressmen and Senators either through email or US mail. Be sure to enter the Representatives title and name at the top of the letter, and enter your name and contact info at the bottom so that they can confirm you are their constituent. Also, set your font in Word to Times New Roman, 11pt font, so that it stays on one page. After you have sent the letter please make a follow up phone call to the Representative's office. Feel free to change the letter if you want to put it into your own words. As soon as I can get a permanent link set up on the side bar the form letter will be available there! For now, Here's the letter:

Dear [insert Representative OR Senator and their name],

I am writing you today to ask that you, as my elected Representative in the US Congress, support H.R. 3088, the Jeremy Warriner Consumer Protection Act. This bill will require the restructured Chrysler and GM to purchase insurance for personal liability claims from Americans injured by their defective vehicles currently on the road. Jeremy Warriner lost both of his legs and was left permanently disabled due to a defective vehicle. Jeremy is just one of hundreds injured by a defective vehicle that would be left without effective legal recourse if this bill does not become law. I do not want what happened to him to happen to me or those I love.

Chrysler no longer has liability for past or future injuries or deaths caused by any of its vehicles on the road that were purchased before the bankruptcy. GM has agreed to accept liability for “old” GM vehicles that cause injuries or deaths in the future, but they are not assuming liability for the people who have been injured and currently have pending claims against them! How can any auto manufacturer be responsible for the safety of some of its vehicles and its consumers, but not all of them, especially when many of their consumers are driving, or were injured by, the same cars that Chrysler and GM are still selling? It’s disturbing that our government could allow such a thing to happen, and that they would use our tax money to allow it!

I am also extremely concerned about the safety issue this creates, which could affect me, my family, and my friends. There are over 10 million Chrysler vehicles currently on the road, any one of which could have a defect, possibly one that’s already caused injuries to the people whose cases are now being ignored! If the pending cases of the current victims of Chrysler and GM vehicles are not heard, and Chrysler does not have to address any future injuries or deaths caused by their over 10 million vehicles on the road, what incentive do Chrysler and GM have to issue recalls? Some of the defects involved in these pending cases could lead to immediate recalls which would make our roads safer. I am concerned this has created a situation where important recalls may never get issued! Injuries that could be prevented by these recalls will lead to mounting medical expenses that, without Chrysler and GM accountability, could ultimately become a burden on the tax payers.

I sincerely hope that you realize that the safety issues this creates could affect you and your loved ones too, and that the state that you represent does not need the added burden of the health care costs of the current and future victims of Chrysler and GM. H.R. 3088, the Jeremy Warriner Consumer Protection Act will ensure that these companies take responsibility for injuries and deaths caused by their vehicles, it will ensure that important recalls are issued in a timely manner, and it will relieve the tax payers of the cost of these victims medical bills. As my elected Representative you are the only chance I have that my voice will be heard. Please support this bill and ensure that it gets signed into law.

Sincerely,
[insert your name]
[insert address]
[insert phone number]

Great News

2009-06-28T21:12:00.002-04:00

On Friday Congressman Carson (my representative) introduced the Jeremy Warriner Consumer Protection Act in the US House of Representatives! The bill if, and when, it is signed into law will require any automobile manufacturer that the Federal Government has an ownership interest in, or that has an outstanding loan from the Federal Government, to purchase liability insurance. The language of the bill is very clear and it does include any pending cases or future cases related to vehicles sold before the bankruptcies!

I will be involved in a press conference tomorrow morning at 11:30am. Be sure to watch the news tomorrow. I don't know if there will be any national coverage, but I certainly hope so. Keep checking back here to see what needs to happen next. We will need everyone's support. My goal is to ensure that every US Congressman and US Senator receives letters and phone calls from their constituents in support of this bill!

Come now the Plaintiffs...

2009-06-23T17:03:00.007-04:00

All the people who have been injured by Chrysler, and the Defendant...has fled the country with our tax money. What's worse, our government held the door open for them. The Supreme Court thought about stopping them. They stopped Chrysler at the door and asked them to wait for a day before the sale to Fiat was allowed to happen. Then they decided that the safety and Constitutional Rights of the American people weren't important enough to take a closer look at the issue and then opened the door wide so that they could escape the people they have injured. At least, that's how it feels.

That said, I still believe in our government, President Obama, his Administration, our Congress, and our judicial system. I just think that they, like all humans do, made a mistake. I think that this immunity from product liability was slipped into the middle of a bunch of extremely complicated issues and they didn't think this simple one through. I imagine they thought something along the lines of "too bad for the 300 or more people who have been injured by Chrysler, but that's what happens in a bankruptcy." They didn't think about the people who might be injured in the future, including themselves and their loved ones. They didn't think about the fact that our money was being used, which should require Chrysler to have more responsibility to the American people, not less. They didn't think about the impact this has on our Constitutional Right to a Civil Trial. In regards to this issue, they simply didn't think. Now they have a chance to fix it.

GM is pursuing the same course of action that Chrysler took. A report came out today that predicts approximately 3,400 injuries and deaths will be caused in the first year by the vehicles that were sold by GM and Chrysler before their bankruptcies. The report shows that at least as many injuries and deaths can be expected each year over the next several years. The fact is we won't know, unless something changes, because injuries and deaths caused by defective Chrysler or GM products sold before their bankruptcies (over 99 million vehicles that are registered and in use on the road today) won't be tracked, and the defects won't be fixed! As I said, I believe in our government, and firmly believe they will do the right thing here, but as soon as a solution is proposed we will need to show our support for it by speaking out for change, as we did during the election. Are you willing to do that?

Now, enough of the political stuff. (Although, if you think about it, it's not really political, it's a matter of our safety!) I promised some things at the end of my last post. One promise was that there would be pictures. Obviously the pictures above have a lot to do with the earlier paragraphs, but I've wanted to share them with you for a long time. One picture shows the jeep sitting on all four wheels. You can see how the fire damage started in the back of the engine and moved back into the jeep, the paint still looks fresh on the grill, where the fire didn't get to it. The other picture shows the jeep on it's side, which is how it was positioned after the accident, while I was still in the driver's seat.

Another promise was that I would tell you about my new Prosthetist and some new goals. For reasons that I can't get into right now I've decided to switch to a different Prosthetist. He lost his left leg at the age of three in a lawn mower accident. He uses a C-leg that is very similar to mine. He's been in the Paralympics and is extremely active. In between trips to DC, I managed to find time to meet with him.

During our first visit he watched how I walk, looked at the alignment of my legs, and spent quite a bit of time talking with me about my progress. He has some ideas and thinks that he can work with me to improve the way I walk. In fact, he thinks that he can help me to walk without the crutches! Now, I have to admit that I'm skeptical, but I'm willing to give it a try. This won't happen over night, maybe not even in the next year, but it's nice to have something to work toward again!

In regards to the issues that the Chrysler and GM bankruptcies have created, things are happening (lots of good media attention) and I will keep you updated. It's pretty much all I'm focused on these days. I'll keep you apprised of any changes and how you can help. For now, please share these issues with your family and friends and keep checking back to see if anything new is happening. I've been trying to leave posts up for a week before writing a new update, but that may change soon, so keep checking back to see if there's anything new!

The results of the Sale

2009-06-13T01:44:00.002-04:00

While I'm glad that Fiat bought Chrysler and that many jobs have been saved, the bankruptcy and sale of Chrysler has put an end to my lawsuit before it ever got to court. Which means that I can finally speak out.

This week the Supreme Court allowed the Chrysler bankruptcy plan and sale to Fiat to go through as written. The plan incudes liability protection for the new Chrysler from injuries caused by any defective vehicle sold before the bankruptcy. Not just current product liability cases, like mine, but any future liability cases resulting from these vehicles as well. Think about this, that's every Chrysler vehicle currently on the road today! GM is about to get the same deal. Deals that we have financed with our tax dollars.

The NHTSA uses product liability cases to track and determine defective auto parts, which determines when a recall needs to be sent to owners of unsafe vehicles. How many of the over 40 million GM and Chrysler vehicles that are currently on the road have potentially defective/deadly parts or designs? How many of you have gotten recall notices on your GM or Chrysler vehicles? How many have gotten more than one part recalled? Now that we cannot file product liability claims against Chrysler the injuries caused by these vehicles won't get reported. If you currently own a Chrysler vehicle and a part that's covered under warranty brakes and you're not injured or killed they will pay to replace the part, but if that part injures or kills you they won't have to pay for anything. (Now that they won't have to recall as many parts that's a pretty sweet deal for them huh?)

Sure, an accident report will get filed, but no one will have any reason to spend the money on finding out if there was a defect. The number of injuries caused by these defects will rise. My injuries have led me to unemployment, Social Security Disability, and probably Medicare in addition to other government funded assistance programs. A vehicle with a defective part, or parts, can and will cause serious disabiling inuries and death. These types of injuries effect everyone around the person with the injury as well.

Our President (whom I support) has said that Health Care Reform is a priority (which I agree with) and has said that Medicare and Medicaid are bankrupting the government. Yet, his Automotive Task Force and the Treasury Department built this liability protection into the Chrysler bankruptcy plan and sale to Fiat. This liability protection will lead to more people who rely on Medicare, which will increase the financial strain. I can't imagine that that's the kind of Health Care Reform our President had in mind!

Health Care Reform will be costly, yet we are also financing the Chrysler and GM bankruptcies with our tax dollars. In the process we are increasing dependence on government funded programs like Medicare and Social Security, which leaves less tax money that could be allocated to Health Care Reform, which we will need faster because of the increase of injuries! Wouldn't the money be better spent in a manner that protects the people who have provided that money?

Yes, this kind of thing happens in a normal bankruptcy, but because these bankruptcies have been financed with our tax dollars, this bankruptcy is far from normal. Our tax dollars have been used to give Chrysler this liability protection, which blocks our 7th Amendment Right to hold them accountable in a civil trial! That's what makes these bankruptcies different. That's why this bankruptcy is not consistent with conventional bankruptcy practices, which the Treasury Department somehow seemed to miss, because they claimed that it was!

Our Supreme Court had the opportunity to stop the Chrysler bankruptcy plan from going through with the product liability protection. They even placed a stay on the bankruptcy and sale this past Monday, but they lifted the stay the very next day and allowed the plan to go through. According to the Court the appeal applicants must show that at least four of the nine Justices find that the issue raised is serious enough to warrant hearing a full appeal. The court did not consider the merits of the arguements, only whether to hear the full appeal. How can any Judge not see the seriousness of this issue? With 40 million potentially defective vehicles on the road every American is at risk, regardless of position, which includes themselves and their own loved ones! This issue also sets a precedent that the government can use tax money to help businesses in a manner that infringes on our rights!

I would think that all nine of the Justices would have felt those issues serious enough to hear the full appeal! These issues effect all of us including Chrysler employees, GM employees, Republicans, Democrats, and government officials. First they came after our money, and now they're using it to come after our rights. Congress and the Obama Administration must work together to fix this.

First, GM must not be allowed to have the product liability protection that Chrysler snuck through on their plan. If the Chrysler decision can somehow be changed (which I doubt) then it should be altered so that the new Chrysler has successor liability. If the new Chrysler and GM are allowed to keep this protection then Congress will need to take action, afterall the United States Government will own a percentage of each of these companies. Congress should set up a relief fund for victims with current law suits and both new companies should be required to purchase retro active insurance policies to account for any future claims caused by the vehicles sold before the bankruptcies.

If you are willing to write more letters or make more phone calls, now would be the time to do it. Suggest that your Congressmen and Senators gather support for these solutions, or work together to find a better solution. Above all, they cannot allow this issue to be brushed aside without a solution. If you know anyone who works in the media share these issues with them. The media is one of the best ways to draw the attention of our government.

As I'm sure you all know, these issues have dominated my life for the past month. I promise that future posts won't be all political. There have been other things happening as well that I want to share. A word of warning though, in next weeks post I plan to attach pictures of the wreckage. However, I'll also talk about my recent visit to a new Prosthetist, and some new goals...

The Second Trip

2009-06-09T17:45:00.010-04:00

The second trip to DC was far more successful than the first. The Center for Justice and Democracy and the American Association for Justice did a fantastic job of organizing this effort. They arranged meetings for those of us who had been injured by defective Chrysler and GM vehicles to visit with Senators and Congressmen, or members of their staff when the actual Senator or Congressman wasn't available. The first day of the trip began with a press conference, and this time the press actually showed up!

I gave a statement during the press conference and then did several one on one interviews with reporters afterwards. Some coverage of the press conference was shown on FOX news in DC and ABC World News. Then it was off to see the Legislator's!

I met with representative's of Senator Claire McCaskill (D-MO) and Senator Kit Bond (R-MO). Both of the people I met with seemed concerned, and I was thrilled to hear Senator McCaskill bring the issue up during the Senate Commerce Committee hearing later that day! Along with other injuries she even pointed out that defective vehicles can cause someone to lose their legs! I like to think that's because she heard my story. :)

As the Commerce Committee was starting I was honored to do a live interview with CNN from the Senate Building Rotunda! How exciting is that! Before I gave my interview Senator Barbara Boxer from California, who was also preparing to do an interview with another network, approached and I got to speak with her about why I was in DC. She was concerned about the issue and has asked her staff to do more research!

The second day I visited with Staff members from Senator Lugar's office and Congressman Carson's office. They were also sympathetic and are trying to coordinate their offices efforts in regards to this matter.

After I came back to Indianapolis I was interviewed by Amber Stearns on WIBC. I've also contacted several members of the media to keep them up to date. My hope is that CNN will do a follow up that focuses on the use of tax payer money and how that should impact the way the bankruptcy is handled.

I have to say, the second trip left me feeling far more hopeful. I'm still not entirely convinced that the message has gotten to the Obama Administration, or if it has, that they "get it". I was contacted by a reporter from the Huffington Post when I returned to Indy. The story ran today. (Click on the link to see the story.)

While I was on this trip I had the chance to meet several others who have been injured by Chrysler and GM. One was a six year old boy who, at the age of three, was in a car accident and his seatbelt broke. He is now paralyzed from the chest down. The highpoint of my trip was racing him in our wheel chairs through a tunnel that connects the Senate Buildings!

Since the Supreme Court issued a temporary stay on the sale of Chrysler it had appeared that we made an impact. Of course, there are other issues that they needed to consider as well. For example the Indiana Police and Teacher's pension funds that were invested in Chrysler. In regards to the liability issue, I had hoped that the Supreme Court would realize that, in this case, our tax money is being used to block our 7th Amendment right to a civil trial, and that shouldn't be allowed. All they needed to do is remove the tort protection from the bankruptcy plan and hold the "new Chrysler" accountable for successor liability on all pending or future product liability claims. It can't be that hard to fix.

Unfortunately the Supreme Court ultimately allowed the plan to go through late Tuesday. According to the Assocaited Press: The court issued a brief, unsigned opinion explaining its action. To obtain a delay, or stay, someone must show that at least four of the nine justices find that the issue raised is serious enough to warrant hearing a full appeal and that a majority of the court will conclude the lower court decision was wrong. According to the court "The applicants have not carried that burden,". The court did not consider the merits of the opponents' arguments, only whether to hear their full-blown appeal.

I am extremely dissapointed by this decision. I would have thought that tax payer money being used in a manner that infringes on our rights would be a "serious enough" issue for the Supreme Court to hear the full appeal!

The fight is not over. Now that the legal matter is over, it's time for congress to act!

Returning to DC

2009-06-02T10:03:00.002-04:00

Yesterday the bankruptcy Judge in New York accepted Chrysler's bankruptcy plan as written, which means that they no longer have any liability for injuries caused by their vehicles that are on the road today. However, the government now has partial ownership of Chrysler, which means that there are actions that Congress can take to correct this problem. GM will be filing for bankruptcy very soon and there is still a chance to raise awareness of this issue and put things right.

Today I will return to Washington, DC to speak with legislators, lobbyists, and hopefully press. The Center for Justice and Democracy is organizing this effort. Tomorrow morning I will attend a briefing at the Association for Justice with several others who have been injured by Chrysler or GM products. After the briefing I will travel around Capitol Hill speaking with anyone who will listen.

There will be a Senate Commerce Committee hearing on Wednesday and there might be another House Judiciary Committee hearing on Thursday. As of now I don't think that I will be allowed to testify at either of these hearings, but there is always a chance. I have been allowed to submit written testimony for the House hearing that I attended on May 21st, and may be allowed to submit written testimony to the other committee's as well.

My trip to DC

2009-05-25T12:48:00.003-04:00

Any one who read last Thursday's edition of the Indianapolis Star knows that I flew to DC on Wednesday to testify on Thursday before the House of Representative's Judicial Committee on the impact of Chrysler's bankruptcy on people who have been injured by their products. You may have also heard mention of this on our local FOX news on Wednesday night, or our local NBC news on Thursday morning. Or, you may have heard the post-hearing interview that I did with WIBC over a cell phone while I was in a cab heading back to the hotel. It was a whirlwind trip. I received a call from my attorney's office on Tuesday evening asking if I could get on a plane Wednesday to testify in DC on Thursday.

While I was on this trip I became far more aware of how this issue will affect others. Before the trip I was only thinking about how this affected people like me who have current liability lawsuits against Chrysler. I hadn't fully grasped the potential this issue has to affect everyone. The current plan will free Chrysler from liability on any vehicle sold before the bankruptcy. That means that, going forward, Chrysler will not be liable for any injury caused by a defective Chrysler vehicle that is on the road today. If GM follows suit, which they will, then no one will be liable for any injuries caused by the majority of American made vehicles on the road today. What kind of car do you drive? If it's a GM or Chrysler product you may as well slap a label on it that says "drive at own risk"!

Please understand, our money is being used to absolve Chrysler of any present or future injury caused by it's vehicles that are on the road today, and unless the Administration changes the plan before this Wednesday, we will pay for GM's absolution as well! This use of our taxes will cause direct harm to approximately 300 people who have current Tort (injury) claims against Chrysler, but it has the potential to harm every American citizen. Even if you decided never to ride in a GM or Chrysler vehicle again you could still get injured by a vehicle that hits you due to a defective part! Our government has a responsibility to use our taxes in a manner that does not cause harm to the American people. Financing a plan with our tax dollars that relieves Chrysler, or any other manufacturer, of liability is irresponsible, unethical, and immoral! I'm not saying that we shouldn't finance these bankruptcies, I'm just saying that if our money is being used then the plan should reflect our best interests and protect us in the process!

When I learned that I would be testifying I hoped that I would be able to deliver this message. Unfortunately, by the time I got to the hotel the situation had changed. I was no longer going to be allowed to testify. For whatever reason (political pressure) the focus of the committee hearing had changed from the impact of the bankruptcy on victims of design defects in Chrysler vehicles to the impact on the dealerships, more specifically the minority owned dealerships. Consumer Advocates Ralph Nader, Clarence Ditlow, and Joan Claybrook would be speaking about the liability issue. (I got to meet them and they were all very nice!) Instead of testifying I would have the opportunity to speak at a press conference before the hearing. We thought this actually might be a better situation because it would get the issue on to national television which would have a stronger chance of getting the Administration's attention.

Unfortunately, the press didn't show up for the press conference. I did have the opportunity to have my statement recorded on video, but I'm not sure what will happen with that video. I believe the hope was to send it to the national media, but I'm just not sure where it will go. I did attend the hearing and was introduced to the committee, but I was only allowed to stand up and thank them for holding the hearing. My testimony was never heard. Later, after the hearing was over I was told that my presence in the room was extremely important and that it had an impact on the congressmen on the committee. The committee decided that it would send a bi-partisan group to the White House the next day to raise the issues with them.

I didn't get home until about 1am on Friday morning. After I woke up (around 10:00am Friday morning) I called the Chairman of the Judiciary Committee's office to ensure that they were still going to the White House and to ask that they please include the liability issues when they spoke to the administration. Unfortunately the plan had changed again and they were not taking a bi-partisan group to the White House after all. However, I was assured that they were still bringing these issues to the Administration's attention and that (even though it did not get attention during the hearing) the liability/tort claim issues were extremely important and would not be forgotten.

The political high point of the trip for me was visiting Senator Lugar's office to thank him for expressing concern about this issue and forwarding my story on to the President's Automotive Task Force. He was in a meeting when I visited, but I did get to meet the staff person who has been communicating with me. Hopefully someday I will find myself in a position where I can thank the Senator personally.

I have made several attempts to contact CNN and the national offices of ABC, NBC, CBS, and FOX News. As of yet the only responses that I have received are automated. I want to thank all of you who have reached out to your Legislator's, I truly appreciate your assistance. With any luck we will manage to get this on the national media before Wednesday. If not, I can only hope that we have done all we can and that the message has gotten through!

More Information

2009-05-19T01:02:00.003-04:00

We've uploaded a form letter that appears in the left sidebar of this blog. You may use this to email, fax, or send a priority overnight letter to your US Legislators. (Please feel free to personalize it!) The file is a Word 2003 document which can be edited with most versions of Word, including Word 2007. In the left sidebar, click the "FORM LETTER" link and save the file to your computer. Then open the file using MS Word.

Battle Cry

2009-05-16T14:48:00.009-04:00

You know how people say "If there's ever anything I can do for you..." Well, this is it! After you've read this please share it with everyone you know and contact your Legislators. Raise your voices loud.

For about three years there has been a big issue in my life that I haven't been able to write about. It's been difficult, because I've wanted to share this with you, but for various reasons I've had to keep my mouth firmly shut. However, recent developments in the world have wiped those reasons away. Unfortunately these events may also wipe away any security that I had hoped to have in my future.

The issue is that I have had a pending personal injury/product liability lawsuit against Chrysler. One of the big questions after the accident was, "What caused the fire?" Qualified individuals have examined the wreckage and determined that there was a design flaw in my vehicle that caused the fire. If the fire hadn't happened I would still have my legs. I would probably walk with a limp, but I wouldn't need prosthetics, crutches, a wheelchair, or modifications to my home or car.

I'm not going to discuss the details of the case, but I will say that we were supposed to be in Mediation (opportunity to reach settlement outside of court) two days after Chrysler declared bankruptcy. Their bankruptcy would be the "recent developments in the world" that has prompted me to finally tell you about this issue. The bankruptcy has put a hold on all legal proceedings and, most likely, will wipe my lawsuit against them off of their books permanently.

Even though my case has not been adjudicated and no monetary responsibility has been assigned to Chrysler I am considered an "unsecured creditor" in the bankruptcy. I don't want to get into the whys, how's, and what ifs here. My attorney's have looked at this from every angle and there's no way around it. If the bankruptcy court decides that unsecured creditors with liability claims like mine get nothing (and they probably will) then the lawsuit against Chrysler is over. The party responsible for the loss of my legs walks away from that responsibility.

I would understand if Chrysler was going out of business, but they aren't. They are using our bankruptcy laws to restructure and, hopefully, will come out stronger than ever before. In the process they also get to shirk their responsibilities to people like me who have been injured by their products. It's not moral, and it's certainly not ethical, but in this situation it is legal. Chrysler can effectively sweep the people who have been injured by their products under the rug, ignore their responsibility to people like me, and walk away as if it never happened.

Our government is financing the whole deal with our tax dollars. The US has guaranteed some of the suppliers. The government will give the unions an ownership in the new company. The government has negotiated deals with the banks that hold Chrysler's debt. Unfortunately they have taken no action to protect individuals, like myself, who have been injured by Chrysler. (I don't believe this is intentional, I just don't think the administration realizes this particular consequence of Chrysler's bankruptcy.)

There is a great opportunity for this injustice not to occur! Since the United States government is controlling the purse strings and financing the sale of Chrysler, it could also make sure that people like me have an opportunity to hold Chrysler accountable for the injuries that their products have caused! I am part of the majority that voted for change, and I support the decisions that the Obama administration has made to lead us out of this economic crisis. The Obama administration now has the perfect opportunity to show that their promise of change is not an empty promise by protecting people who have been injured by Chrysler from being swept under the rug during this bankruptcy!

I have written to both of the Indiana US Senators, my Congressman, and President Obama about this issue. As of yet there has been no response from any of them, even though they know immediate action must be taken! The government has used our tax money to save Chrysler, the banks, and the unions. Now it is time for them to show that they can also protect those of us who have been caught up in the wake! Our representatives in the government and our President are the ones who need to make this happen!

I, and others like me desperately need your help! I am asking for everyone who reads this to contact their US Senators, Congressmen, and the President THIS WEEK to make them aware of this issue. Tell them to put pressure on the administration to ensure that cases like mine are not ignored! Demand that, when the Treasury Department handles this bankruptcy, they include case appropriate settlements for liability claims like mine, or allow them to be settled through court with the new Chrysler corporation! The bottom line is that they cannot allow people who have been injured by Chrysler to be swept under the rug!

The best way to find out how to contact your Senators and Congressmen is to go to your state's website. (The one for Indiana is www.indiana.gov) From there you should be able to find your Legislator's and their contact info including phone/fax numbers and email addresses. In many cases you can email them directly from the state website. You can email President Obama from the www.whitehouse.gov website.

For those of you contacting your Senators, Congressmen/women, and President Obama's administration (I cannot stress how important it is that you all contact them!) please mention the following. If Chrysler is allowed to use this bankruptcy to dodge their product liabilities it will set a precedent for how future bankruptcies are handled! If GM, or any other manufacturer, files for bankruptcy they will be allowed to do the same thing! Our government must protect the people who have been injured and guarantee our right to have our cases heard in court!

This is extremely urgent! The bankruptcy proceedings and sale of Chrysler is scheduled for Wednesday, May 27th! Due to Memorial Day, this week and next are both short weeks. There are only a few days left! Please raise your voices and join me in taking a stand to ensure that people with legitimate injuries are protected! Thank you.

Keeping Busy

2009-05-12T14:41:00.004-04:00

I was concerned that unemployment would be boring. I'm sure for many people it is, but I seem to fill up my schedule each week! For a few weeks in January I didn't have anything to do, and found myself spending most of my days sitting on the couch. As a result, I wasn't walking much, and realized that it had become harder to walk when I needed to.

I made one conscious decision and one subconscious decision to make certain that my ability to walk would not slide backwards. The conscious decision was to get a treadmill. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but Mom and Dad had a treadmill that they weren't using, so they brought it to my house. I'm only able to walk on it for about 5 minutes at a time (I have done up to 8 minutes, but that's exhausting!), at a speed of 1.9 mph, which burns about 16 calories. However, since it takes 400% more energy for me to walk than it does a person with their natural legs, I probably burn about 64 calories in that five minute time. At least that's what I like to think.

The treadmill has helped with my balance and overall comfort while walking. My original plan was to walk on it everyday, but that only lasted for about 3 weeks. Now I walk on the treadmill when I have a day or two where I don't leave the house. That leads me to the subconscious decision, which was to stay busy.

Getting involved with the mayor's Advisory Council on Disability has certainly helped with that. I'm also getting involved with a program called S.O.A.R, which stands for Survivor's Offering Assistance in Recovery. Essentially I'll be a volunteer employee of the Wishard Burn Unit to speak with patients and families of burn survivors. Yes, I've already been doing this on occasion, but this will be more formalized, and I'll receive some training as well.

Aside from the volunteer activities, I'm still speaking to different groups about disability awareness. Last week I spoke to pre-school through second grade students at a local Co-op school. This Friday I'm helping the Indianapolis Resource Center for Independent Living with a work-shop for the employee's of the Work-One center's (unemployment office's). We're also conducting the same workshop next Thursday as well. The workshop is focused on a concept called "Universal Design", which points out that modifications for people with disabilities can be a benefit everyone.

Here are a few examples: Curb cuts are used by parent's with stroller's, people on bicycles, etc., far more often than they are actually used by people in wheelchairs. Automatic door openers are used by people who have their arms full of luggage, groceries, or other supplies far more often than they are actually used by a person with a disability. In a business environment, asking every client if they need accommodations regardless of whether they appear to have a disability or not will prompt everyone to let you know their needs. Universal design suggests that making permanent accommodations for people with disabilities, both physically and procedurally, will create a far more comfortable and accessible environment for everyone.

I spent more time on that than I intended to. The point that I was trying to make is that I've been busy. I've realized that when I don't keep myself busy my health slips backwards. Since I no longer get even the little bit of exercises that you get while walking around the house, I have to stay active. Of course, the beauty of being unemployed is that I get to choose when I want to be active!

Things I Can't Do

2009-04-28T12:35:00.002-04:00

Last week I spoke to a PTA (Physical Therapy Assistants) class at UIndy (University of Indianapolis). As always they were a very attentive class and they asked some great questions. The class actually ran about 15 minutes late because I hadn't allowed enough time for questions!

The students didn't seem to mind sticking around after class was over to get their questions answered. When we were finished they followed me out so that they could see how I handle stairs and some of them gathered around to see how the modifications to my car work. I answered a few more questions at the car and then headed home for the night.

Later that evening, and over the next several days, I found myself thinking about one particular question that had been asked. One student had asked "what I can't do now that I could do before the accident?" My answer had been that over the last three and a half years I had adapted to a point where there wasn't much that I couldn't do. But the more I've thought about it, the more I realize that my answer just wasn't true. The fact is that there is a lot that I can't do.

I don't think about these things very often because, well, it's depressing. I prefer to focus on what I can do. For instance, when it comes to day to day activities, I'm fairly self sufficient. I can drive, take care of my hygiene, cook (to some extent), clean (create the illusion that my house is clean), grocery shop, pump gas, etc... All of those things are more difficult than they used to be, but I have adapted to the point that I don't mind the difficulty. So, when people ask what I need help with, or just simply can't do at all, I automatically think about the day to day activities that I couldn't do at all three years ago but am now able to do independently.

I prefer to think about the positive things that I can do as opposed to the negative thoughts that start with "I can't". I do think it's important, especially for anyone going into the medical care industry, to understand how limiting the loss of my legs has been. The list of things that I can't do is much longer than one might expect. (Don't worry, I'm not going into the full list here, but I am going to give some examples.)

The things that can be the most frustrating are the things that I still feel that I should be able to do. These things include stuff like simple home maintenance. I can't cut my grass. I can't get into my attic for storage or to get things out of storage(the attic is only accessible by extension ladder). I can't get into my crawlspace to check the plumbing, ductwork, or exterior vents. I can't sit comfortably in a bath tub to soak in hot water while reading a book, sipping some wine, and listening to light jazz (I used to love to do that).

(If you are now trying to figure out why I can't sit in a bathtub, let me explain. The first issue is that I can't get my wheelchair into the one bathroom in my house that has a tub. However, even that doesn't stop me, as I am able to get on the floor in the living room, scoot into the bath room on the floor, brace myself between the toilet and the edge of the tub, raise myslef up, carefully balance on the edge of the tub, and lower myself into the tub. Once in the tub, though, I am unable to comfortably lie back, rest my head on the edge of the tub, and enjoy a good book while I soak. I have discovered that, without knees and feet to press against the floor of the tub, I slip under the water as soon as I lay back. This is niether conducive to reading or breathing!)

The things that are dissappointing are the things that I've never experienced. For example, carrying my future bride over the threshold (don't get excited, there's still no one vying for that position), sky diving, scuba diving, teaching my future children (need the future wife first) how to climb trees, etc... One of the most dissappointing things for me is that I will never get to experience carrying my future son or daughter inside from the car after they have fallen asleep during a late car ride home. (When I was a little kid I used to pretend to be asleep whenever we got home late so that Dad would carry me inside and take me up to bed.) I've always wanted to experience the other side of that, to be the Dad carrying the sleepy kid! Now I never will.

The things that hurt, are the things that I will never do again. Some of these are things that I could, possibly, still do, but the experience just wouldn't be worth the difficulty. For example, backpacking, taking a long day hike through the woods, speluncking (caving), white water rafting, canoeing, kyaking, swimming in the ocean, rock climbing. Some of these things, though, are simply things that I will never, no matter how much I try, get to experience again. I will never feel the grass between my toes on a warm spring day. I will never have a foot massage again, I will never jump, or climb, or run, or play frisbee, or so many other things that I can't even think of...

You can see why I don't dwell on the "I can't" or the "I'll never" statements. They're too damn depressing and they can paralyze you if you let them. It's so much better to focus on the "I can" statements. However, there is one more thing that I'll never be able to do again, that makes each of the new "I can" statements more difficult, and far more special in the end. Can any of you guess what that thing that I'll never be able to do again is? I will tell you that it has a dramatic impact on my perceptions of each new thing that I attempt.

Simply put, I will never be able to look at something new with the excitement of someone who feels like they are invincible. Everytime I travel to a new place, everytime I have the opportunity to try something new, I have to fight through a certain level of fear. I had a great opportunity to go skiing in February. I would have been with a group of people with disabilities similar to mine and there were experienced people there to provide training. If you've been following this blog for a while, you should be aware that I loved to ski before the accident and I truly want to do it again. I didn't know anyone going on the ski trip, I was unfamilliar with the area we would be skiing in, and I wasn't sure what to do with my legs while skiing. I chickened out. Maybe next year...

The Mayor's Advisory Council

2009-04-19T12:32:00.002-04:00

Last October I learned of an opening on the Indianapolis Mayor's Advisory Council on Disability. At first I had hoped that this would be a paid position, but the council is entirely voluntary. However, it is a great opportunity to get involved and make a positive impact on the lives of people with disabilities. It's also a great networking opportunity.

As many of you know, I haven't been able to find a job since my position was eliminated in March of 2008. After I returned to my career in the hospitality industry I became increasingly frustrated by the fact that I could no longer perform my responsibilities the way I had before the accident. Yes, I could still do my job, but it was no longer emotionally, mentally, or physically rewarding. Essentially, as a result of my physical limitations, I couldn't do the part of my job that I enjoyed. While my employer would never admit this, I believe that my value as the Director of Operations was diminished by my physical limitations. It's a safe bet that this impacted the decision to eliminate the Director of Operations position at my property. (The point I'm trying to make is that if I still had the ability to lead the staff in the physical way that I had before I lost my legs then my position would have been too valuable to the operation to eliminate.)

Living with a disability has opened my eyes to a whole new world. It makes it very hard to deal with the petty complaints that a manager in the hospitality industry has to address. After my position was eliminated I made a decision to look for work that would be related to helping others with disabilities. Of course, my job search was interrupted by the surgery, infections, and additional surgeries last summer. Once my recovery was well underway I started looking for work again, but our economy has not helped. I'm able to survive (barely) on the Social Security Disability that I receive each month, so I'm focusing on networking in the hopes that the right job will surface. The Mayor's Advisory Council would give me an opportunity to help people and network at the same time.

When I heard about the vacancy on the Council I applied to be a member, and went through an interview process in November. I hadn't heard anything since then and decided that they had chosen someone else to fill the vacancy. However, at the beginning of March, I received a letter from the Mayor's office informing me that I had been appointed to the Advisory Council! I have attended two meetings so far and have enjoyed meeting the other council members. We have several goals for the year, and I will be part of a subcommittee that has been tasked with developing a disability awareness training video that will air on the local government access channel. I'm really looking forward to seeing where this new path will take me!

A Leap of Faith

2009-04-06T16:57:00.004-04:00

It's been a while since I've written. I wish I could say that it's because I've been super busy. The fact is that I have been keeping myself busy, but that's not the reason for my delay. By the way...in regards to keeping myself busy...I have taken on a new responsibility (aside from the kitten, who is doing fine). I have been appointed to the Mayor's Advisory Council on Disability! But that will be the subject of a different update.

This time the reason for the delay is that I've been struggling over how to say what I'm going to write about, or whether to say it at all. The subject, "A Leap of Faith" should give you a clue that what I am about to write could be considered controversial by some. Before I get into this, I feel that I need to ask that you remember that, if you choose to read more into this than what is written, that is your choice. Please do not make assumptions about my views based on what I'm saying, or not saying, as the case may be.

I believe there is a divine force at work in this world. (OK, I will say this about my views: you can call the divine force I'm speaking about whatever you want. I don't believe that it cares what we call it.) I have witnessed, and been part of, events that just simply can't be explained without it. I believe that this divine force can be focused through prayer, meditation, or whatever you want to call it. I also believe that there are times when you have to accept that events are beyond your control and abandon yourself to this divine force. That's when a leap of faith is required. That leap of faith can take on many different forms. Recently I found myself in a situation that required such a leap of faith.

The day before my birthday I received a phone call from a close friend. He was in tears and was having trouble speaking. What he told me was that he had "lost everything" and had decided that he was going to kill himself before he lost his wife too. He said that he wouldn't do it that day or the next, because it was my birthday (this really made me mad), but that he would do it sometime during the next week. My friend has dealt with depression for a long time, and I have talked him off the figurative ledge more than once, but something about this was different. There was a desperation in his voice that had never been there before.

He had been out of work for quite a while and had made the mistake (a result of pride and irrational thinking) of trying to live as if nothing had changed. He had been trying to find a job, but was having no luck, which made him feel unwanted and useless. His wife, who does work, has never been involved in their finances and had no idea how dire their situation had become. The day before, he had received a letter from an attorney informing him that the mortgage on their house was going to be foreclosed. He was so paralyzed by fear that he could not see a way out, was unable to do anything to help himself, and was convinced that his wife (who, by the way, loves him very much) would leave him when she learned of the situation.

I was so upset by his call that, after trying to reason with him and failing to change his mind, I called my minister. My minister gave me some much needed direction, unfortunately my friend refused to play along with my plan to get him help. As a result, I decided to confront him face to face. Before going to see him I called a friend, one of the police officers who had pulled me out of the wreckage of my vehicle three and a half years ago, to find out if the police could do anything if I felt my friend was a danger to himself. He confirmed for me that the police could have him involuntarily committed to a stress center based on what I knew at that point. He also gave me the number to a stress center so that I could get some professional advice before I confronted him.

I spent much of the next day (my birthday) with my friend trying to convince him that there was a way out of this that did not involve ending his life. In my mind the way out was facing his fear, telling his wife about what he was going through, and their financial situation, but he wouldn't listen. However, I was able to get a promise out of him that he wouldn't do anything until the following Thursday. He wanted to spend "one last weekend with his wife" and he knew that I wanted time to figure something out, which is why he made the promise. I didn't call the police at that point because I knew he wouldn't do anything over the weekend, but I wasn't too confident that his promise would hold until Thursday.

While at his house he had given me a list of people (and their phone numbers) to call "afterwards" to help support his wife. One of the people on the list was an old co-worker who I hadn't seen (or spoken to) in over six years. I knew that this person had dealt with some serious challenges in his life and that he might be the only one who could make my friend reconsider his suicidal thoughts. After I left his house I spoke with someone at the stress center whose advice was to tell my friend's wife what was going on and, if necessary, to call the police.

Knowing my friend, and his wife, I knew that telling her was not the right answer. I agreed that she needed to know, but it needed to come from him. I also knew that calling the police would only make him feel cornered and that it would make matters worse. That evening I enjoyed a nice birthday dinner with my family and tried to put this out of my mind for the time being. (I was mildly successful.)

The next day I called the person from the list that I mentioned earlier. After I explained the situation he immediately drove to Indianapolis from where he lives, which is an hour away. We went to my friend's house (unannounced) and again confronted him face to face about his emotional state. Together we were able to convince him that he had to tell his wife and get a promise from him that he would not do anything to harm himself. However, he refused to tell her that night and wanted to spend the following day (Sunday) with her without bringing this issue to light. We made a plan to come back on Monday evening to support them while he opened up to her.

After three sleepless nights I went to church on Sunday morning and could barely think about anything else. I spoke to my Sunday School group about it and one of them provided me with the business card of a professional counselor who just happens to be a member of our congregation. As I walked to the sanctuary for the worship service I was finally realizing how much all of this was affecting me. I was emotionally drained, worried about my friend, and scared that I was taking an awful risk by not forcing him to get professional help immediately. Also, I knew I was not equipped to handle these issues but could see no way out for myself without my friend feeling like he had lost my friendship in addition to everything else!

The worship service brought me a level of clarity that was entirely unexpected! It's important to note that at the beginning of each year our Senior Pastor plans his sermons for the entire year. That being said, imagine my surprise to sit in a service that, from the opening hymn, to the readings, to the sermon itself, and the closing hymn, was a complete recap of the conversations that I had been having with my friend over the past few days and the struggle that I was dealing with internally! During the service I gradually became aware of a calmness in my spirit and became resigned to the fact that I didn't have any power over this situation. I decided that I needed to stop struggling with whether I was handling this situation the right way and trust that we were on the right path in regards to my friend's (and his wife's) well being.

When the service was over, the counselor (that I mentioned earlier) approached me. (Obviously someone from my Sunday School group had mentioned my situation to him.) We exchanged numbers and spoke later that day. In addition to offering to be there for my friend he also gave me the answer I needed about how to remove myself from the situation. That answer was to tell my friend, in no uncertain terms, that he had to get professional help because I couldn't do this for him anymore. My continued support (and emotional well being) required that he do this for me as well as himself.

That Monday I spent the day with my friend and helped him get things in order for when he would speak to his wife that evening. We had a nice dinner together and then he finally broke the news to her. I'm happy to report that she took the news better than any of us expected and was extremely supportive. Together they have figured out how to save their house and get their finances back on track.

With a little added pressure from his wife, my friend agreed to get counseling and has now had three sessions. He is enjoying the process and seems to be making progress. He is still monopolizing much of my time because he has some basic transportation issues to resolve, but I don't mind spending the time with him. Isn't it interesting that this has happened during a time when I'm unemployed, and therefore free to assist as needed?

Please understand that I haven't written this for comments about what a great friend I am, or compliments about how I've handled this. I've written this because, during a time of such depression, I feel that it is important for people to see real world examples of situations turning out good in the end. I took a leap of faith in trusting that things were going to work out. My friend took his own leap of faith (though he still refuses to admit it) in facing his fears instead of taking his life to escape them. There is a divine force at work in the world, but sometimes you have to take that leap of faith to let it work in your life.

A new addition to the family

2009-03-25T14:23:00.003-04:00

About three weeks ago this little kitten attached herself to my back door. She sat there, as pictured, for most of the day and night for about a week. Just staring inside my house. Every time I thought she was gone she would reappear from under the deck whenever I approached the door. This, of course, prevented me from being able to go out on the deck. (It's extremely difficult to keep a cat from going in or out while sitting in a wheelchair.)

She first appeared one evening while Jamie, my old roommate, and I were outside. She came up from under the deck and immediately walked over to Jamie. She began purring as she approached. Jamie pet her a little and then she decided to come over to me and rub herself against my wheels. She tried to follow us into the house but Jamie was able to keep her out. However, from that point on she rarely left the door. She didn't make any noise, she just sat outside the door staring in.

Hobbs noticed her pretty quick and spent the first evening sitting on the inside of the door staring at her. She hissed and arched her back when he first approached but then sat back down to continue staring. The few times that she wandered away were the only times that Hobbs made any noise. He almost seemed to miss her when she would walk away.

Since I didn't go back outside I assumed that she would go away after she realized that she wasn't going to get any more attention from us. After about 3 days I realized that she didn't plan on leaving. On the fourth day she figured out that, whenever I went through a particular door in the house (the door to the garage) I didn't come back for a while. On the evening of the fourth day the smart little kitten decided to come around to the front when I went through that door. I had opened the garage door and was just getting into my car when I saw her come running into the garage. She immediately darted under the car.

If it's not easy to corral a cat while sitting in a wheel chair, imagine trying to get a cat out of a garage while walking with prostheses! Eventually I got her to come out from under the car. When I finally started the car she bolted out of the garage, but she didn't go far. I backed out very slowly, then got out of the car in the driveway to ensure that I hadn't run over her, and that she was not in the garage (so that I could close it).

That night, when I returned from a friends birthday dinner, I looked for her as I approached the house and didn't see her. However, as I was getting out of the car she appeared (almost magically) in my garage. I had to call a neighbor to keep her distracted in the driveway so that I could get inside without letting her in! While I was waiting for my neighbor to come out the little kitten was, quite literally, climbing the wheels on my chair in an attempt to get me to pet her!

I had hoped that she would follow my neighbor back to her house, but the kitten just sat in my driveway staring at the closed garage door. My neighbor said that she looked like a sad little child who had been abandoned by her parents. So, I could no longer go out on my deck, or leave the house through the garage, without having to prevent this kitten from getting inside. I was being held hostage in my own house by a kitten!

The next day Mom came over and helped me catch her and I took her to the vet. She didn't put up any fight at all when Mom picked her up, and she just sat peacefully in the cage during the car ride. She's now been declawed and spade and lives inside with Hobbs and I. For the most part Hobbs seems to like her, although I think she wants to play a little more than he does. They're very cute together, and I've even caught him giving her a bath! She's approximately 5 months old, and I'm pretty sure she was born underneath my deck. There were a lot of cats around my backyard during the winter and I'm positive that at least one was living under the deck. Her name is Jasmine.

Happy Birthday to Jeremy!

2009-03-13T09:47:00.003-04:00

Won't you all join me in wishing Jeremy a happy birthday today?

Wishing you a blessed birthday, Jeremy. You are loved!

Superstitious habits

2009-03-08T13:22:00.004-04:00

We all have our own unique superstitions that have developed over the course of our lives. I'm not talking about things like throwing salt over your shoulder for good luck, or going the other direction because a black cat crossed your path. (There are two black cats who have been hanging around my yard all winter, but I don't think they bring any bad luck with them.) I'm talking about things that have become habits because of lessons learned.

Whenever the song Dream Weaver comes on the radio while I'm driving I immediately change the station before the first few cords have played. This is not because I don't like the song. In fact, I really like it, but I can't bring myself to listen to it while driving. Any guesses as to why?

When I was 16 I was in my first car accident. The song Dream Weaver was playing on the radio. On the night of October 22nd, 2005, when a 16 year old driver turned left in front of me, Dream Weaver was again playing on the radio. Now, logically, the song has nothing to do with the accident. It's merely a coincidence, but whenever I hear that song begin this little voice in my head says "change the station or else it might happen again".

My experience is that if I change the station nothing bad will happen. Of course I had heard the song on the radio while driving many times before that fateful night and no horrible events occurred. There's absolutely no reason for me to think that it is the harbinger of doom, but that song is now forever linked with my shattered memory of the events that led to the fire that took my legs.

As silly a habit as it is, I feel safer when I change the station. It's an odd thing, I know, but I thought you might all find it interesting.

Everyone Counts

2009-02-24T15:56:00.002-05:00

This week is Everyone Counts week at Immaculate Heart of Mary, a local catholic school in Indianapolis. The focus of the week is to educate the students about people with disabilities. I was asked by one of the coordinators to speak to the 8th grade students about my story and experiences.

Yesterday I spoke to the students in the church at IMH. I'm happy to report that I did not burst into flames upon entering the church! (That would have been quite ironic!) I sat in the priest's chair (again checking for spontaneous flames) just below the altar. As the students filed in their teachers told them that it was alright if they wanted to sit on the floor to get closer to me. To my surprise most of the girls chose to sit on the floor while most of the boys headed for the pews! (While this is not important, I choose to mention it because it was exactly the opposite of what I expected.)

When I had arrived I was a little concerned about how much detail I should go into with the students about my injuries. I spoke about this with the coordinators before the students came in and we decided that I should be candid with them about what my condition was after the accident. As I spoke about what had happened, and what my condition was when I woke up, I watched their faces to see the reactions. I saw looks of shock, sympathy, and in some cases a little touch of fear. As I continued to speak the looks on their faces changed as they became more comfortable with what I was telling them.

I enjoy speaking immensely, but it's much more fun when there are questions, and this audience did not disappoint! The coordinators mentioned that, based on previous speakers, the students might not ask many questions. However, after I had gotten through the initial part of the story first one student raised a hand, then another, and then there was a flood of questions!

The questions make the speech much more enjoyable for me and (I think) for the audience. Because I know that they are interested and that they are getting what they want to learn from the experience. One danger though is that sometimes the questions can steer the conversation off course. After I had spoke for about an hour the realization hit me that we had spent the whole time talking about me! (Which is, of course, one of my favorite topics!) Remember, the focus for the week is "everyone counts". Knowing that we were running out of time, one of the coordinators came to my rescue and announced that we would only take two more questions. Once those questions were answered I was able to steer the conversation back to the main point.

It was important to me that the students learn about people with disabilities as opposed to Jeremy with a disability. To wrap up I took the opportunity to stress to the students that it's ok to ask questions. That it's alright to offer assistance as long as they are not forcing their assistance on someone else. One point that I wish I had stated, but I hope they gathered from the conversation, is that people with disabilities can be functional members of society. Of course, my final point to them, was that in our lives we will all be faced with a disability (whether it is our own, or the disability of a loved one) and that a disability should not be seen as a restriction, but rather a situation to be embraced and to adapt to it to move forward with life rather than giving up.

Seeing is Believing

2009-02-10T16:23:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure if I've ever talked about this, but if I have, I apologize for repeating myself. After I woke up in the hospital, and all of the heroine based drugs had worked their way out of my system, I finally had some understanding of what had happened to me. However, I still found it difficult to accept why my legs had to be amputated.

I felt like some kind of mistake had been made. That if I had been awake, perhaps they might have been able to save my legs. There was no logical reason for me to feel this way, but I had no comprehension of how bad the damage truly was.

People who saw me in the first few days after the accident would describe what I looked like. Even now, when I talk to someone who I haven't spoken with for a while they will reminisce about how unrecognizable I was. Most people focus on my head and face. I know it's hard to believe (because I'm still so damn good looking! :) ) but the damage to my face was severe. People say that my head had swelled up to the size of a beach ball and that my face, quite literally, had no features. Even my Mom said that she wouldn't have known that it was me in the hospital bed if the doctors hadn't told her.

People also would describe the appearance of my hospital room. How it was hard to see me in the bed because of all of the bags of medicine and other equipment that was surrounding me. Dad said that when I was on dialysis it looked like something out of a science fiction movie. I was so intrigued by all of this that I asked if anyone had taken pictures. Unfortunately no one had.

I know it's morbid to think of taking pictures of someone while they are in such a horrible condition, but I really wanted to understand what everyone else around me had seen and dealt with while I was in the coma. Also, I needed some tangible evidence that there was no alternative to the amputations. When the damage to my head and face was described to me I couldn't believe it. Sure, when I woke up my jaw was wired shut, but other than that I looked fine and my face was one of the few parts of my body that didn't hurt! (With the exception of my jaw, which only hurt when I would try to yawn. That was unbearable!)

You may be wondering why I keep talking about the damage to my face when I opened up talking about how I found it difficult to accept why my legs had to be amputated. I promise, that will become clear in a moment. The damage to my face healed on it's own. Some might say that this was miraculous. The damage was so severe that facial reconstruction surgery was planned. As it was described to me, I would have received the surgery that can be seen in the movie Face Off.

They were going to peel my face back and implant metal plates to hold my skull together. Then the plastic surgeons, who had studied my family's facial structures would do there best to make me look something like myself again. (I can't imagine what the scars would have looked like!) However, because I was so sick with infection the doctors could not safely perform the surgery when planned. When I was finally healthy enough for the surgery the doctors discovered that all of the bones had stayed exactly where they were supposed to and had healed perfectly! No facial reconstruction was needed.

I learned of this while I was still in the burn unit. While I was happy that I had been spared the horrible surgery described above, I was angered that my legs had been amputated. I wanted to believe that I had some supernatural healing ability and that, had the doctors left my legs alone, they too would have healed perfectly. I had all of these descriptions of the damage to my face. The descriptions of my external appearance that I mentioned above, and the descriptions of the x-rays which showed a spider web of fractures across my skull that I was told looked like a broken windshield! I had hardly any description of the damage to my legs.

Very few people saw how badly I had been burned, as my legs were already bandaged by the time visitors were allowed to see me. To the best of my knowledge my Sister is the only person (other than medical staff) who truly saw the horror that the fire had wrought upon my body. The burns were somehow limited to my lower legs and right thigh. As I said, I was convinced that if they hadn't done anything to my legs they would have healed on their own. My Sister's description of the damage, while disturbing, was still not gruesome enough for me to understand. Overtime I came to accept that the amputations were medically necessary, but I still needed some tangible proof to put my lingering doubts to rest.

I knew that the hospital had taken pictures and I had asked my Physical Therapist if I could see them on several occasions. Of course, she did not have immediate access to them so that wasn't a very easy request for her to fulfill. About six months ago she did finally get access to two pictures and let me see them. These pictures were difficult to look at, and they did put my doubts to rest, but they really didn't show much. Last week I found myself presented with the opportunity to see more. These new pictures showed the damage in far more detail than what I had previously seen. (I would post them here, but I don't want to be responsible for people vomiting on their keyboards!) There is now no doubt in my mind that, even if I had the Cheerleader from Heroes power of regeneration, my legs would never have been functional again.

The fire wrecked my legs so completely that, had they been left alone, they would have hung lifeless from my body for the rest of my days. (Which would have probably been very short due to infection from the dead limbs.) Given the choice between spending my life in a wheelchair with useless legs, or spending some of my time in a wheelchair and having detachable legs (prosthetics)to escape the wheelchair, I would have chosen the latter. Of course, I was not able to make that decision because I was in a medically-induced coma at the time. Mom and Dad were faced with that horrible choice. Thank God they made the right decision!

Good Neighbors

2009-02-03T13:04:00.002-05:00

Last Tuesday night and Wednesday morning Indiana had the 6th largest snowfall in it's history. When I went to bed that night there was about 2 inches of snow on the ground, when I woke up in the morning there was at least a foot! I had a lunch appointment that day, but it was obvious that I wasn't getting my car out of the garage. The snow in the driveway was higher than the bumper on my car!

Rescheduling my lunch appointment was no big deal, and I had been to the grocery store a few days earlier, so I hunkered down to wait for the thaw. After the snow stopped I opened my garage to see how things looked outside. It was pretty clear that, unless the driveway got shoveled, I wouldn't be going anywhere for a while. In the past, before the accident, I would have loved a day like this! Having a reason to call off work that couldn't be held against me. (Of course, being in the hospitality industry, my boss would probably have called me the night before and had me spend the night at the hotel so that I would already be at work in the morning.) In those pre-accident days I would have been out in the snow, having a snowball fight with friends, shoveling the driveway, or just walking in the snow, enjoying the view of the world covered with white.

Now, I get the view from my window. Speaking of the view from my window, about an hour after I'd been in the garage I went into my office to check my email. I heard a scraping noise, which drew my attention to the window. What I saw was my neighbor to the east, and a person that I didn't recognize, shoveling my driveway. It appeared that they were almost done, which was amazing, given the amount of snow and the short amount of time since the last time I looked!

I decided to open the garage and say hello and thank you. When I opened the door I discovered that in addition to my neighbor from the house to the east and the stranger, my neighbor from the west and another person I did not know were also helping shovel my walk. The two men I didn't know were from houses just down the street. The four of them had only been working on the driveway for ten minutes and they already had it clear!

A few days later I had the opportunity to repay the favor to my neighbor to the east. I awoke to some very quiet thumping noises and finally decided to open the garage and see what was going on outside. I discovered my neighbor banging on ice that had covered her garage door. (Which is odd because none of the other garage doors in the neighborhood had ice problems. Either there's a problem with her gutter, or her garage door is a geographic oddity!) I loaned her a chisel, but she wasn't able to get at all of the ice, so I gave her a ride to work.

Lately I've felt less connected to the world. (Largely because the loss of my legs and the current weather patterns don't go well together. See the last update for more on that topic.) Yet, somehow, this snow storm actually connected me more with my neighbors. I also find this humorous, because when I lived in apartments I never wanted to know my neighbors. That was a trait that I picked up from a friend of mine. (You know who you are.) (If you don't know who you are, here's a clue, we lived in the same apartment complex in Corpus Christi.) Good neighbors are important, and I'm thankful that I have them!